Cupid's Chokehold
by not done baking
Summary: After the movies Bella is fed up with Jake ignoring her, instead of waiting, she's going to him. Rather than Jake turning her away, he sees her and embraces her. Jake is now determined to protect her when no one else can. mid-NM slow, but realistic story
1. Bella: Headstrong

**Disclaimer: **I don't own the Twilight characters or the Twilight ideas, those are owned by Stephenie Meyer and Little, Brown and Summit and probably numerous other people. I also don't own the quotes and song lyrics at the beginning of each chapter; credit is given to them. (Credit is given to the singer for lyrics and not the songwriter, sorry.) I also don't own any of the pop culture references, just the creativity I have to come up with them.

**Warning: **This is not a fast story. Jake and Bella will not live happily ever after at chapter four. You don't get over the 'love of your life' leaving you in four chapters. If you do than they weren't the love of your life. I never planned for this to be a fluffy, mushy story. I planned for this to be a realistic story. Even under the best break up circumstances you don't recover with the snap of your fingers. If you want fluff and mush turn around now. That's right, if you can't deal with angst, pain and realism I'm telling you not to read my story. If you want a story with a touch of realism to it (the best I can give, I've never gone through a break-up) than please continue reading.

**AN: **So, here's my new fic. It's Jake/Bella. If you're offended… still read it. c: It's not meant to be OOC, I got flak for one of my Jake/Bella fics because the reviewer said Bella would never choose Jake… however, I believe that if Alice had never shown up Eclipse would have been a VERY different book.

I will be playing around with POVs because I enjoyed it so much with Innocence Lost. I don't think I will be so OCD about who's POV the chapter is in (yeah, the pattern of POVs on IL was on purpose.)

_**This takes place mid New Moon before Jake visits Bella in her room but after the movies. The first paragraph is paraphrased from Meyer's.**_

_Headstrong, crazy days. _

_When your mind's made up and the music plays._

_Headstrong, can you feel the beat? _

_Melt down, can you feel the heat? _

ASHLEY TISDALE, HEADSTRONG

SATURDAY, MARCH 10

_**Cupid's Chokehold; Chapter One. Bella.**_

My foot tapped a staccato beat on the floor. I wished that I had brought something to do while waiting for Jake to come by, of course I hadn't known he would be off with his new friends. Although, he was probably with his new friends all the time. My fingers joined the beat on the steering wheel and I looked around the inside of my truck, desperately searching for something to do.

I found an old Calc test and flipped through it, finding the one problem I had gotten wrong, bringing my grade from 100 to 98. I dug a pencil out from under my seat and began to rework the problem, finding exactly where I had gone wrong.

I jumped and broke the pencil when I heard the handle of the truck being pulled, I turned and saw a desperate Jacob outside my window. I quickly unlocked and opened the door and lifted my arms as I got ready to let all my rage out on him.

Instead of yelling back at me or stopping my arms from hitting him he wrapped me in his own arms and lifted me out of the car and off the ground. I relaxed instantly. I was back in the warm arms of my Jacob, this was the Jacob I knew.

He rocked me back and forth my feet swung around, he whispered words of forgiveness in my ear, ran his fingers through my hair, pulled back to look at my face. It was the third time he looked down at me that I snapped out of my fantasy of having normal Jacob back with me.

"What the hell Jacob?" I screeched. I drew back my hands again ready to hit him but he took them in his and held them to his chest.

"Are you okay? Did I hurt you?" he brushed back my hair and I turned my head away.

"I'm fine," I answered shaking my head away from his hand. The anger bubbled up inside of me again, "Of course you hurt me-"

He pulled me back in a hug, gentler this time, "I'm sorry. I'm still learning control-"

"Control?! What does _that_ have to do with leaving me? You wouldn't return my calls, you wouldn't talk to me. How did you think I was going to feel?"

"I'm sorry! I didn't know it was going to be like this."

"Oh! You thought I was going to be fine with you ignoring be after you professed your undying—devotion to me," I pulled away from him and leaned against the car. I noticed for the first time that his gang of new friends was there, watching the entire thing. Everyone except for the leader, Sam, looked angry and upset. But, Sam seemed to understand what was going on.

"Bells, I never meant to hurt you. You don't know all of it, you couldn't understand."

"Well, duh," I dragged it out, feeling thirteen again, "it's a little hard to understand something if you don't explain it. I mean," I let out a short, hurried breath, "honestly."

I pulled on the tips of my hair, waiting for him to speak. I suddenly felt very awkward and vulnerable with Jake's new friends around us. I hadn't meant to have this conversation with him in front of anyone else.

"Jake can we please talk alone?" despite being angry at Jake and insulted by the way he was acting now I couldn't help but want to try and fix everything with him. Even with the arguing I felt a little more complete around him. Jacob was the only person I had left around me that made me feel whole.

His hand rested on the side of my shoulders, and with so much anger in the area the close and intimate contact felt awkward, "Please?" I begged. Jake turned towards Sam and I caught his jaw in my hand, bringing his gaze back to mine, getting ready to yell at him for his newfound dependence on Sam. But the look in his eyes, stopped me. He looked so torn and pained, tormented. It made a clump grow in my throat and my eyes water. I attempted to swallow the cotton ball exploding in my throat, "When- when did you become so reliant on him? I thought you didn't like this gang thing…"

"Things change, Bells. Lots of things change."

"No shit," I said under my breath.

Jake laughed and held me close again, "I've missed you so much. You can't believe how glad I am right now."

I shook my head; I was so confused. I was certain he couldn't have heard what I had said. But how on Earth could he be glad? How had things worked out? I pushed against his chest to no avail, "We really need to talk, Jake. I can't just ignore what happen. You hurt me."

He gathered my hands in his and whispered his pleas into them, "I didn't mean to. I didn't want to. But there were- things… people, stopping me. Trust me, if I had known this was going to happen I would have never left you like that. Please don't be angry at me," my heart ached for him, he was in obvious pain from this, his eyes were watering, his entire body was shaking.

But he had left me. All for some stupid gang.

"Jacob, you need to calm down," Sam said. It sounded like an order.

I pulled away from Jake again and walked over to Sam, "Jake's right, I shouldn't be mad at him. I should be mad at you," I yelled at him, feeling shorter than ever, "What gives you the right to ruin other people's life?"

Sam looked down at me pitifully, "You wouldn't understand," he said simply.

I rolled my eyes and walked away from him, standing in the center of the group I ran my fingers through my hair, "If you two both think there is something I don't understand, then please explain it!" I turned to Jake, who was shaking against the car, "Please, Jake."

He looked at Sam for confirmation, I placed my hand on his cheek and pushed his eye line back to my own. I opened my mouth, getting ready to ask him once again why he was so dependent so suddenly, but he took my hand off of his cheek and shook his head, "A lot of things have changed, Bells."

"Things between us," I said simply.

"No!" he shook his head again quickly. I tilted my head to the side and raised my eyebrow, "Well, yes. But, it doesn't have to be like this anymore. I'm certain. Just let us talk to you, please."

He was willing to talk, that was something. But I wanted to talk to him alone, not with his new friends, "Can't we talk alone?"

"Not right now."

"Jake! You say you want me to understand, but you won't explain any of it to me."

"I'm not well, I can't. Not right now," he pushed strands of my hair behind my ears and kept his warm hands cupped under my jaw. He was too warm.

"Are you sick, Jake? I'll take you to the hospital. Everything will be fine," if Jake was sick I would do anything I could to make him better. Despite his dramatic attempt to ditch me I still needed him, he was the last thing on this earth that kept me sane. I couldn't lose that. I wouldn't let Jake leave me; I couldn't disappoint Charlie.

"No, I'm not sick," he said, I hadn't realized how tall he had gotten. It had only been a matter of days since I saw him last but already he had grown another few inches.

"But you're so warm," I brushed my fingers over his burning cheek.

"Yeah, that's part of what I need to tell you. It's a long story," his eyes were scanning my face, looking at my like he had been away at sea for years. As if he was trying to memorize my face, like he was scared he was never going to see me again after we talked.

"Everyone's been saying that but no one will tell me it."

**AN: **Originally I wanted to post this when it was complete. I do have 15 chapters done, but that just means I have about 15-20 to go. However, I realized that soon _Breaking Dawn _would be out and I'm not sure how wild people will be about an AU Jake/Bella fic set mid-_New Moon _once the entire series is complete. It might be too hard to ignore what happened in the last two books.

**Read: **If you review I'll send you the chapter quote opener thing in the reply. The quotes always have something to do with the chapter, whether it's a major thing or minor you'll have to find out later.

**Also: **Sorry to those on my alert, this document was being irritating and I'm working between two computers which is increasingly irritating.


	2. Jacob: She's Got A Way

_She's got a way about her,_

_I don't know what it is._

_But I know that I can't live without her._

BILLY JOEL, SHE'S GOT A WAY

_**Cupid's Chokehold; Chapter Two. Jacob.**_

It was a terrible kind of beauty. Her eyes were fierce; there were dark bags under them. The small amount of weight that she had gained back during our days together was gone. Her hair was limp and hanging down her back. To any other person she would have looked a mess.

But the only thing I could think about was how beautiful she was, how terrible she looked and how all of it was my fault. I wanted nothing more than to go and hold her, to smooth her hair away from her face, wipe away her tears, hold her, call her darling, tell her I would fix everything, do whatever she wanted.

But Sam had said I couldn't. That I shouldn't see Bella for years, months at the very least. But Sam didn't know Bella like I did. Bells was always so determined to do what she wanted. Always so headstrong. Sam didn't assume that she would come down here searching for me, secretly I hoped for it, outwardly I hoped against it. If Sam was right and I wasn't able to control myself than I could hurt Bells and I would rather die than see her hurt.

But so far through out our intense conversation I had controlled myself, every cell on my body was so focused on her. On Bella. Every cell was so focused that they couldn't even remember what it was like to transform. Although I had come to love the freedom transforming had given me, if being with Bella meant I could never be a wolf again I would gladly accept the ramifications.

I knew before our trip to the movies that I had cared for Bella more than she had wanted me to. I knew before our conversation after the movies. But what I felt now was multiplied so many times. I would do anything for her, be anything for her.

I cupped my hands around her face, she was so cold.

"Are you sick, Jake? I'll take you to the hospital. Everything will be fine," the tears in her eyes spilt over the edge. I almost smiled at her, I had hurt her and here she was worried about me.

"No, I'm not sick," I shook my head.

"But you're so warm," her cool fingers brushed against my cheek. I couldn't figure out if she was supposed to be this cold or if she was the one who was sick.

"Yeah, that's part of what I need to tell you. It's a long story," I realized then I could really tell her. I didn't have to worry about the searing pain in my head. Sam had ordered me not to _see _her and here I was looking at her, I had obviously found a loophole in Sam's order.

Bella shook her head, defeated, "Everyone's been saying that but no one will tell me it."

I held her close to me again, loving the perfect way our bodies interlocked. I laid my cheek on Bella's head and looked at Sam, begging him to let me tell her.

"Come on," he said softly, as if he was going to regret everything that was to come. I took Bella's hand in mine and we walked towards the door, Sam stopped suddenly and turned around, "The rest of you can go home, we can't all fit in Jacob's house anyway."

My brothers shuffled their feet and went off in different directions.

I loved the feeling of Bella's hand in my own, her fingers, so small in comparison to mine, they felt so nice intertwined with my own. They were wonderfully cool and twitching in excitement or fear. I prayed to a God I wasn't sure of that she would be okay with everything, that she would stay by me and not run away. I couldn't lose her again.

Not when it meant this much to me.

But, if Bella did want to leave me I would let her; I couldn't force her to do anything she wouldn't want to do. But I would stay in the shadows and make sure she was always safe and always happy. That's all that mattered.

My dad looked over at me from the kitchen and sighed; he knew exactly what was going on. I only had the slightest idea. I knew that things were different, that I had somehow found a loophole for Sam's order. It could be that I didn't have to follow Sam's order because I was supposed to be the Alpha, up until now I hadn't wanted to break his demands. He had told me how Emily had gotten hurt; I didn't want that for Bella. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I hurt her.

I could hear those thoughts when we ran as wolves, Sam was constantly beating himself up for scaring Emily like that, for leaving Leah like that. I didn't want to hurt Bella after everything the leech had put her through. Hurting her was the bloodsucker's thing; I was here to make everything better.

"Are you thirsty?" I asked as we sat down on the couch, Bella was hesitant to sit next to me and the fear that she would leave me rose again.

"Not really," she said, shaking her. I could tell by the look on her face that she was confused by everything. Before I had become a wolf I hadn't had one good thing to say about Sam. If only I had known that the legends were true, that we, my brothers, were the protectors of not only the tribe but of the surrounding towns.

Sam began telling Bella about the legends, the stories really since they were all true. She sat there so calmly, taking it all in. Her hand was limp in my own, every so often her forehead would crease in confusion or sadness.

"Jake," Sam said quietly, I peeled my eyes away from Bella, "Do you know anything about imprinting?"

I had only heard brief whispers about it, nothing that was for certain, "A little," I sat up from my slouched position and snuck a glance at Bella who was still curled up and leaning into the arm of the couch.

"It's what happened with Emily and me, it's why I had to break up with Leah," Bella frowned; she didn't know any of this. She hadn't lived in Forks at the time, "When a wolf imprints it creates this wordless bond for the two people. It's hard to describe or understand or explain, but the feeling is there. It's internal, instinctual. The wolf would do anything for his imprinted, be anything, go anywhere. No matter what the cost, as long as the imprinted was happy everything would be fine for the wolf."

Bella gripped her hands together tightly around her knees, "Are- are all people who are imprinted—are they all like you and Emily?"

Sam considered this for a moment, he knew everything about Bella and the leech, well, everything I knew. Bella was the only thing I could think about when I was stuck as a wolf. If I had known that he could hear my thoughts I would have done my best to not think about everything Bella had told me. Whatever little amount of information Bella had told me I knew she had told me it in confidentiality.

"Yes, everyone I've heard about has been in love, like Emily and me. Everyone has ended up married," Bella swallowed but didn't attempt to say anything, "But, I've never met anyone whose imprinted, I've only heard of people who imprinted. It's different for everyone."

"But most end up married and living happily ever after," Bella insisted.

"Yes, everyone."

I didn't need my new sensitive hearing to know that the fears in her mind were working on overdrive. "Oh."

**AN:** Tuesday…. Thursday…. They both start with 't.' Eh, sorry about that. Anyway, last chapter till after I finish _Breaking Dawn_, new chapter Sunday or Monday.


	3. Bella: Something You Were After

"_There is nothing like looking, if you want to find something. You certainly usually find something, if you look, but it is not always quite the something you were after."_

J. R. R. TOLKIEN

_**Cupid's Chokehold; Chapter Three. Bella.**_

Jake and I said awkward good-byes after our quiet dinner with Billy. Charlie looked up at me from his position on the couch, "You were at Jake's?" for the past month or so my visits to Jake hadn't last this long and I had never come back without rain clouds above my head.

"Yeah. I think we made up. Sorta," I cleared my head and rolled my eyes, "I don't know. It's confusing."

"Did he explain why he was such an ass to you this past month?" I stared at Charlie, he _liked_ Jake. My look wasn't missed by Charlie, "I just don't want you to get hurt again, Bella. I know you've promised not to ever go back to those zombie days, but you didn't see yourself then. You were a mess. I thought we were going to have to do something drastic, even more so than sending you home to Jacksonville. I was talking with Dr. Snow about feeding tubes and anti-depressants. I don't want to have to go through that again.

"I was so happy when you started seeing Jake. You finally resembled something I knew as Bella. But then when he deserted you last month, it was terrible. And Billy wasn't backing me up at all," Charlie took a long look at me, "I just don't want you to get hurt again," he repeated, "You have a very big heart and you never think ill of anyone if you don't have to, just remember, some people deserve to be disliked."

"Dad, Jake's not one of those people. It's a long story, Jake explained everything to me," I said honestly, hoping that Charlie wouldn't have me repeat the story to him. I'd be checked in to a mental institution before my alarm went off in the morning, "Just trust me."

"I do," he said, turning back to the TV, "it's boys who intend to be friends with my daughter that I don't trust."

I sighed, crossed the living room and kissed his cheek, "Good night, Dad."

"Dinner?"

"I ate with Jake and Billy. You did eat without me, right?"

He looked startled when I turned around, "Yeah, of course," he wiped his hands off on his jeans. I continued my way up the stairs and smiled as I heard him turn the volume up on the TV and make his way to the kitchen.

I took my time in the shower; the hot water felt nice against the tense muscles in my neck. I hadn't realized all the pressure had built up there. I slipped into my room and turned the computer on before putting on an old pair of sweats.

I logged in and began twisting my hair into a braid, wondering why Charlie wasn't paid more money as a Chief of Police. I wasn't much of a computer person, but with the looming senior project coming up I knew that working computer would soon become important.

I began organizing the papers on my desk as the computer connected to the phone line. I twirled in the chair, humming to the annoying tune of the computer. The connection was made and I opened up the screen.

I clicked on the first item, 1 down 996,000 to go. I scribbled down anything and everything that caught my eye. Silver bullets, silver or iron jewelry, phases of the moon, being drawn to lust.

Hours passed before I turned the ancient box off and fell into my bed. But exhaustion and tired eyes didn't stop my mind from racing around everything I had learned today.

Jacob was a werewolf and he had now devoted his life to me. He would do anything for me, answer any questions, anything I wanted was mine. I didn't like having this kind of power over someone.

I thought I did once. I thought I had had someone who would always be there for me, through everything, no matter what. But I had learned, in the end, that it was all a lie. A façade. I was a mere plaything for a short amount of time.

I rolled over facing away from the one darkened window in my room, I was just being bitter. There had to be some sort of real emotion behind what _Edward _and I had had. I couldn't have been the only one feeling whatever that was, the pull, the draw, the ache.

It was a magnified feeling of what I had felt today when I saw Jake.

I had felt something when I first saw him today; it was mostly anger. But that anger disguised my own draw to him. Sleep pulled me under and I brushed it off as sympathy for his unreturned feelings.

&

Over the next few days I busied myself with spring-cleaning. If I were back in Phoenix I would be packing away all the snow gear: boxing up the tire chains and heavy jackets and blankets, reprogramming the heating system. But in Forks, spring-cleaning consisted only of putting away the heavier jackets and sweeping the last bit of dead leaves into the gutter.

However resentful I was about leaving the sunshine of Phoenix I wouldn't change it for anything, even after everything that had conspired in the past few months.

"Bells, you and Jake made up, right?" Charlie asked Wednesday night after dinner.

"Um, yeah. I think so," I picked up his dish and placed it in the sink with mine.

"Then why haven't you gone over there?" he asked, raising his left eyebrow. I hated when he did that. When I was younger I had spent hours in front of the mirror trying to get my own eyebrow to do that, I had failed with only sore eye muscles to show for it.

"Uh, well, he's just been busy and he had his spring break last week. He's in school for most of the day and then he's working on his cars," and protecting his tribe from God knows what, "I don't want to get in the way. I've been keeping busy here, the dust bunnies were getting dust bunnies under them."

"Bells, there's only so many times you can dust. Besides, your busy schedule didn't keep you two from getting together before- everything. Why now?"

"Dad, it's just different," I shrugged, I had forgotten how to lie to Charlie with ease, "It's just awkward, you know? He was like my best friend and then he hated me, it's just hard to get back into the swing of things, okay?"

"Okay," he said, unsure of himself, "As long as nothing bad is happening."

**Read Read Read:** I finished _Breaking Dawn_ last night and once I accepted everything and got into it (around page 400) I really enjoyed it. Just a note to those who are waiting to read or can't get ahold of the book; I will be adding small details and bits of information from Breaking, just like I am from Eclipse and the last portion of New Moon.

This is fic is only an exercise on the way time flows through out a story (that's why a lot of the chapters have dates at the top) that's been my biggest complaint from reviewers so far. It's also an exercise in handling plot lines. I want more than one and pulling from another story will help me juggle that. Nothing big, just small things. I would **never** ruin a book for someone on purpose, someone ruined _HP5_ for me and it was a pretty sucky feeling.

**A Note: **Expect an update around Wednesday or Thursday. I'll do my best to get the quotes out to everyone who reviews it just gets tricky being on two different computers. If I didn't get to you last time I am sorry! I'm gonna try and do updates as I write so once I finish chapter 20 I'll post chapter 4. c:

**PS. **Sorry that these chapters are so short, they do get longer around chapter 15. Promise.

_Happy reading!_


	4. Bella: My Junk

_It's like I'm your lover or more like your ghost._

_I spend the day wondering what you do, where you go._

_I try to just kick it but then what can I do?_

_We've all got our junk, and my junk is you._

SPRING AWAKENING, MY JUNK

THURSDAY, MARCH 16

_**Cupid's Chokehold; Chapter Four. Bella.**_

Jake called on Thursday morning. After apologizing profusely about calling so early and I repeating that I had always been an early riser he asked if I would come over to the reserve to talk.

"Just the two of us?" he asked.

"Of course, Jake," after agreeing to be there within the hour I quickly showered and ate breakfast. What I had told Jake about being an early riser was true, but that didn't mean I didn't enjoy sleeping in every once and a while, besides, it's been proven that after a stressful time you need more sleep. I fully believe that learning that your best friend is a werewolf and is set on fulfilling your every wish and whim and staking their life for yours counts as stress.

Call me crazy.

And I really must be because after everything I had been told about Jacob over the past day I was still planning on meeting him. But I trusted Jake. I knew he couldn't hurt me, I knew he wouldn't hurt me.

This had all happened before, different mythological creature, but same story really. Was I destined to always be intertwined in the lives of the dark storybook creatures?

As I drove to Jake's house I felt slightly guilty while thinking about what would have happened to Jake if I had never moved to Forks. Would his imprint have been on someone else? And what would happen if I were to visit Charlie in Forks (even though that hadn't happened in years) and run into Jake. Would I have been as accepting of his imprint? On the fact that he turned into a terrifying, grandma-eating creature?

Would he have told me or just let me go? Would I have felt the same draw to him?

It was an undeniable fact that I did feel something different between us. Something I couldn't name. Something I couldn't put my finger on.

Jake was sitting on his porch when I arrived in front of his house, his eyes were locked on me but it wasn't the welcome I used to. When he was working on the bikes he would run out to the truck and greet me, hold my hand, smile.

I realized then that even before the imprint Jacob loved me. Really loved me. Not the silly crush some boys at school had, but he really cared about _me_. Our relationship pre-imprint had been pushing the limits, toeing the line, constantly creating new boundaries. If Jacob was even more attracted to me now I would have to work twice as hard to keep those iron walls up.

But, at the same time, I didn't want to hurt him.

"Bella," he greeted and wrapped me into a hug. I was shocked first, he had showed none of the awkwardness I felt. Was I the only one feeling it?

"Hey Jake," I said softly wanting to pull away but not wanting to lose his warmth. Jake seemed to be perfectly content where he was nestled into the fluff of hair that had resulted from the moisture in the air, I pulled away but he continued to hold my hands in his. I knew the gesture meant more to Jake than it did to me, but as long as he stayed behind the carefully drawn line I was fine.

Jake let go of one of my hands and smoothed down my hair, I frowned at the gesture.

"Come inside," he said softly before leading me up the muddied walk way to his house, "Billy went fishing," he explained as I eyed the empty house. We walked into the kitchen, "Do you want some coffee?' he asked, squeezing my hand, "I know I woke you up early."

I shook my head, slightly exasperated by Jake's insistence that ten in the morning was early, I told him as much, "I'm a morning person, Jake. I get up with the sun," I looked out the kitchen window to the dreary landscape of grey waves again gray sky, "Figuratively, of course."

Jake noticed how I sat down at the table instead of the couch. It wasn't that I didn't want to sit next to him… it was just that I didn't want to sit next to him.

If I had thought it was hard to lie in bed with my emotions last night it was even harder being near the person who was causing the conflicting emotions. I loved Jake- as a friend. But I felt the pull, the need, the want to be near him, to be with him. It was something I couldn't deny to myself but I certainly wasn't going to admit it to anyone any time soon.

This was all terribly confusing.

I picked up a tangerine from the bowl on the table and began peeling off the skin, "Hello cutie," Jake said as he sat down across from me.

"Jake," I groaned, I was perfectly fine knowing that he cared for me and saw me in that way… well, I wasn't happy about it but I could live with it, as long as he wasn't pushing the limits like this, "You know I don't feel that-"

He smiled and picked up on the peels, "It's what the sticker says."

"Nice excuse," I mumbled, grabbing the peel and throwing the small pile away.

Jake grabbed my hand as I walked back to my seat, I flinched and tensed up. Every small touch meant so much more now that I was aware not only of his feelings but also of the imprinting.

"I'm sorry, Bells," he wrapped both of his hands around mine. His hands were so big they engulfed my own, my pale skin disappearing underneath his russet skin.

"I know, Jake," I said, carefully wrapping my other hand around his. Jake knew I didn't feel that same about him and he would respect that until I said something different, assuming I would ever say something different.

And I don't think I ever could, my heart was with someone else.

"You just can't understand how this is for me. I must sound crazy, but I worry about you all the time, I think about you all the time. We went running as wolves last night and the guys kept telling me to shut up, I think I drove them nuts from thinking about you," he sounded so emotional, he wasn't trying to be dramatic or get my attention or feeding me lines. This imprinting stuff was real. I must have looked confused because he explained that as wolves the pack could hear each other's thoughts. Nothing was private.

I pulled my hand away and sat down, "No, Jake, I understand. You feel like without me the world won't turn, the sun won't shine and there isn't any point in life. You feel like the only reason for getting up is that there's a chance you may see me," if it wasn't for my morose face Jake might have thought I was talking about him and when I glanced up I saw the pain in his eyes. The pain telling me that he despised the fact that I still loved and cared for a vampire, "I'm sorry Jake," I said, trying to smile, "But, I know exactly how you feel."

"You really still care about him," he said softly, his face was cold and hurt.

But I couldn't be anything other than honest, "I think I really still love him."

Jake walked over and pulled me out of the chair and into an unyielding hug, "Is there anything I can do to change your mind?"

I relaxed into his stiff embrace, "I don't think so."

Did I want to stop loving Edward?

**AN: **Expect more in about a week. Please review, even it's just one word. I like reviews as much as the next person. Also realize I will respond to them and answer most questions. I also send out quotes with my replies so you get some feeling of what the next chapter will be about. These quotes really do have something to do with what's going on.


	5. Bella: A Crutch

"_Reality is a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs."_

LILY TOMLIN_**  
**_

_**Cupid's Chokehold; Chapter Five. Bella.**_

I hung out at Jake's on Friday and Saturday. Things were only awkward if I really thought about them and Jake seemed fine as long as I was.

Most of our time together was spent in front of the TV watching Food Network or in the kitchen, making the recipes we found while watching Food Network. Often though, Jake would fall asleep, resting on my legs, he was so worn out between school, spending time with me and being on the lookout for any vampire that might want to take a chomp out of any human's neck.

Jacob never actually talked about the runs as if he was protecting the Forks area, he was always protecting me. I wondered slightly if he would work harder at saving me rather than someone else, would he give up easier if it weren't for me?

It would certainly make sense if that were the case, it was still so hard to get my head around this imprinting thing.

I turned the volume down on the TV; Jake had fallen fast asleep in my lap again. I felt weird being so close to him, but I also felt incredibly compelled to take care of him. He was risking life and limb for me every night; the least I could do was take care of him. Taking care of a friend meant nothing; it didn't mean I was desperately in love with him, for I could never love again. My heart was broken; the pieces would never be put back together. No matter how hard Jake would try.

I looked down at Jacob; in his sleep he was peaceful. He seemed to have no worries, no fears. He wasn't frustrated or running his fingers through his hair. He was just Jacob. My Jacob. The Jacob I had come to know and love.

No! Not love, at least not _love _love. Not the way my heart felt for Edward, I loved Jake like the way my heart felt for my family. That was it, that was all I could ever, would ever feel for Jacob, no matter how hard he tried to change my mind. I could tell that Jake didn't purposely try to act like a boyfriend to me and he didn't mean to say the tender, heartfelt words, they just slipped out of his mouth. Like word vomit.

I knew I couldn't control what his heart felt, but I could do my best to dampen the flame. Like an animal, perhaps he could be trained as well. He _was_ part wolf.

I smiled as Jacob let out an ear-shattering snore. I replaced my legs with the extra couch cushion. I went to the kitchen to make him and Billy something for dinner. It was nice working in their kitchen, it was always fairly clean (after I cleaned it the first time) and everything was where I liked it to be.

Charlie was always rummaging through everything in the pantry and refrigerator trying to find something to snack on; Jacob however stuck to the leftovers. Whenever I returned the Tupperware was gone and in the dishwasher. Billy stayed out of the kitchen in general since they never had enough money to remodel it so he could reach the items. It was our unsaid agreement between everyone, keep the kitchen clean and tidy and I'd cook for them. We all enjoyed it, though I had been surprised that we had fallen into a routine so quickly.

I left a note on the table and turned the oven on low before leaving. I knew it was rude to leave without saying good-bye to Jake, but he had looked so tired when I had arrived, I didn't have the heart to wake him. Or perhaps I did have a heart and that was the problem.

A bucket of chicken was sitting on the table when I got home with extra cups of potatoes and cole slaw, my two favorite items. I got two paper plates and a handful of napkins from their holders and set them on the table, "Did you have a good time at Jake's today?" Charlie asked a little too stiffly, sitting down and pouring himself a glass of milk.

"Yeah, I did. It was nice and quiet," I grabbed the potatoes and cole slaw and put a hefty, but equal, helping of each on my plate.

"Must have been a nice break…from the nice and quiet around here," Charlie said while eating the crispy batter off a chicken wing.

I frowned; I hadn't thought my constantly being over at Jake's would bother Charlie. I had certainly cleaned the house enough to be able to slack off for a bit. And it's not like Charlie couldn't sweep or vacuum himself, I had just been in the position of not having a social life for the past few months to be able to afford spending a little extra time cleaning.

"What changed, Bells? Only a few days ago you refused to see him. Why did you suddenly change your mind?" he asked while continuing to shovel bites of chicken and corn into his mouth.

"We just talked, Dad. We see eye to eye. We came to a compromise," I rested my forehead in my hand, my elbow heavy on the table. I hadn't realized taking control of my social life again was going to bring on the inquisition.

"I'm sorry, Bells. But, it's just weird. You know I don't have much experience with teen girls, let alone raising them. Most of the troublemakers in town are teen boys, it's hard. I can't just threaten you with a night in jail—"

"I wasn't aware socializing was now a crime," I mumbled into my cole slaw ridden spoon.

"It's just— Bella, there's been a lot of accidents up there. People have been getting killed, ripped apart. It doesn't look like an animal did it, the guys down at the station are thinking it's some teens on drugs. They're thinking that the drugs probably originated somewhere down on the reservation—"

"Dad, Jake and his friends would never do anything like that!"

"Isabella," for the first time during the conversation he put down his food and wiped his face, "you aren't involved in any illegal activity, are you? I shouldn't do this, but if you just tell me where it all originated from I'll make sure your name isn't brought up on any of the files. I know it's the wrong thing to do, but you're still going through a rough patch. It wouldn't be fair to you if you slipped on your path just because of that silly boy, he's not worth ruining your life."

I couldn't believe this. My own father thought I was selling drugs because he thought— he thought that I had slipped off the path of the Chief of Police's Daughter.

It didn't help that he was once again trying to blame something on Edward, wasn't it possible that I could make decisions on my own? Maybe it's my own fault that I got a C on a test or became a social outcast overnight.

Who exactly was I trying to kid?

"Charlie, I swear there is nothing going on down at the reservation beyond some illegal games of poker. I know Jake and his friends look like a rough and tumble group, but they all are really good guys. They can just give the wrong impression. I'm certain they would all willingly submit to drug tests and house searches, nothing funny is going on there!"

Charlie sighed, obviously tired of the inquires but not satisfied with the answers. We silently cleaned off the table together and I went up stairs to get my bag and books in order for school on Monday.

The phone rang twice and silence ensued before Charlie called up the stairs, "Jake!"

I grabbed the receiver off of my desk, "Hey Jake, Dad I have the phone," I waited for the click.

"Thanks for dinner, Bells, it was amazing. Dad said you could live here and make us lunch and breakfast for us too—"

"Charlie, I have the phone!" I hadn't heard the click yet. Since when was Charlie such a paranoid father, had he been reading the parenting books again?

"Oh," came he gruff voice, "sorry, I forgot," the phone click on the other side and I knew it was safe to talk.

"Your dad losing it?" Jake asked, obviously amused.

"Quite possibly," I often wondered about this on the endless nights, "He thinks we're selling drugs."

Jake let out a hearty laugh that I could hear even though I had pulled the phone two feet away from my ear. I smiled, I was glad to hear that laugh again.

"I wouldn't have to resort to junkyard parts if that were the case, it's a possibility. I won't tell if you won't tell. Dad can't make it to the garage, it's perfect, Bells. I'm sure there's a wiki page on how to start a drug ring," I could almost feel the warmth from the smile that must've been a mile wide on his face.

"I'll get right on the research!" it was nice to be able to talk to Jake so normally. Like old times, before everything, "Anyway, I'm glad you liked the dinner. It was on one of the _Rachel Ray's_ that you slept through."

"When'd I fall asleep?"

"Right after the first commercial break," I said straightforwardly.

"Aw, I'm sorry, Bells. I'm obviously not much company," I heard the fridge door open on his end and smiled.

"No, it's fine, Jake. You need the sleep; I shouldn't be imposing on you when I know you need your sleep. 'Specially when you are losing it over me. I'll probably just stay home tomorrow."

"Please don't, Bells. I like having you over, even if all I do is sleep. You make me have good dreams," he said quietly and honestly.

I wasn't sure how to respond, "Well, there is this stuffed tomato recipe I wanted to try…from _Barefoot Countessa_."

Jake was unphased by me ignoring his comment, it had happened a lot over the weekend, "Besides, Bells, some of the kids from your school are having a huge bon fire down at the beach. It's kind of a given that all the kids at the rez go, it's nice to see new faces."

How come I wasn't aware that there was a party? As if he had read my mind, "Some Jessica set the thing up, she called to see where the best spot would be," ding ding ding, I had my answer.

And how come Jessica had Jacob's number?

"You'll come to the party with me, right? Emily's coming down too," I wanted to meet Emily, I wanted to see for myself the relationship she and Sam had. I wanted to know for sure whether all this imprinting thing was fair for both sides.

"Of course I'll come down, even if it's just to piss off Jessica. She doesn't like me," I said bluntly, it wasn't as if it were some terrible secret we weren't supposed to speak of.

"Spiteful are we? Promise me a dance?"

"Jacob, I'm a terrible dancer. You should know that!" I hadn't danced since prom; I didn't want to think about that though. If this was going to be one of those kinds of parties perhaps I didn't want to go. It wouldn't be too hard to make up something; I could call Jake tomorrow and tell him of a homework assignment I had forgotten about.

"It's not that kind of dancing. Please, Bella! The guys and I are even putting off patrol till later in the night."

The guilt hit, Jake and his brother were putting so much on the line for me… well, the pack was sacrificing their lives to protect the towns. I'm almost certain that Jake was only sacrificing his life for mine.

"What time, Jake?"

**AN: **I'm going to do my best to update every Tuesday from now on.

**AD:** I've posted a new story and I'd really appreciate if you could go check it out. I really wanna know what you all think before I get too into it. It's called _Life Right Now_.


	6. Bella: Gossip Girls

"_Gossip needn't be false to be evil- there's a lot of truth that shouldn't be passed around."_

FRANK A. CLARK

_**Cupid's Chokehold; Chapter Six. Bella.**_

The dance wasn't that bad. I did enjoy seeing Jessica's jaw shudder at the sight of me there, I think that she enjoyed seeing me miserable at school everyday. Some sort of revenge, since I was the one to become Edward's plaything. Honestly, she should be thankful towards me, I had saved her the heartbreak I was now suffering. But would she have fallen as madly in love with him as I had, was Jessica Stanley capable of those high level feelings?

Jacob dragged me towards the warm firelight where the couples were dancing wildly. Jake was right, the dancing _wasn't _like prom. Any self-respecting school wouldn't allow what these people called dancing on their gym floors.

It seemed that Edward's old-fashioned ways had rubbed off on me more than I had realized.

I tried to hide my discomfort after seeing the delight on Jake's face and I couldn't deny that I was happy that he was happy. I just didn't like being this close to him when all the other people dancing were coupled up. Ben and Angela danced close and lightheartedly near the flames. I felt as if we were sending out a message I wasn't ready to send—a message I didn't plan on sending.

Perhaps a nunnery was the way to go, it would certainly be cheaper than college. Renee would be ecstatic, I wasn't sure how Charlie would respond. Isn't it every dad's dream to have their daughter remain sweet and innocent through out their life? Maybe that was why Charlie detested Edward so much and even more so after leaving, while I knew Edward hadn't taken away the innocence every parent seems to worry about Edward had taken away the innocence I had cherished.

Growing up with Renee may have made me grow up faster, but I was still innocent in the harsh ways of the world. Renee brought up the divorce a fair amount, but I didn't remember it. Relationships were like the ones in fairytales, chic lit and Disney movies. Always perfect, always a happy ending… and only meant for the young and beautiful, no either-or option.

Jake's arm stayed around my waist the entire night and while it was awkward and sticky while dancing next to the fire I was thankful for the warmth once we left the vicinity of the dancing flames.

We spent three hours walking around, dipping our feet in the cold waves and chatting with people I hadn't talked to in what felt like years, some names I couldn't even recall. Emily handed me a bundle of index cards all with hearty meals doubled or quadrupled written down, I thanked her before she ran off with Sam to dance in front of the flames.

I sat down at one point and watched the two. While most people's eyes darted around, taking in the chaos around them Sam's eyes never left Emily's face. The harsh firelight highlighted the scratches on her face, his expression was weird. Love and adoration were evident in his eyes, but so was pain. I wondered how the scars on her face came to be.

I looked back up to Jake, it was even harder when were dancing this close, "How did Emily get those scars?"

"It's not a story for me to tell."

Oh, _that _was comforting, "Does it have to do with," I looked around and lowered my voice, "the whole wolf thing?"

"Yes and the imprinting. Sam was the first of us to change, he didn't know what was going on and he didn't know how to control himself. He had no one to teach him like the rest of us do."

"Sam did that to her," I said slowly, realizing what that meant exactly.

"Yes, he didn't mean to though and he feels guilty about it every day, every moment of every day. If he had the choice to go back and fix it, he would, no matter what the cost," Jake's eyes were dark now and feared there was something else he wasn't telling me.

I didn't want to ruin the night though, despite the awkwardness of dancing with Jake—when it meant so much to him and so little to me—I did have fun, so I dropped the topic.

Jacob walked me to my car, I wasn't sure what to do though once I got there. I knew that people who were just friends didn't walk each other to their cars and that's what we were—just friends.

"Jake," I leaned against the door, "I'm really glad that you convinced me to come, it was nice to get out. That hasn't been happening a lot."

"Of course, Bells," he seemed surprised at what I had said, "I'm glad you came with me, the party would have been pretty dull without you," I smiled and waited for him to back up so I could open my door. I felt as though I needed to draw up the requirements of the boundaries, perhaps with measurements included. He took a step closer and grasped me in a hug, "I love you, Bella," he said before kissing the top of my head.

Every muscle in my body went limp, I didn't know how to respond, I didn't know if I wanted to respond. I knew Jake felt _that_ for me, but I just couldn't handle hearing it. Was it so impossible for him to keep it bottled up inside him? I sighed, ignoring how wonderful he smelled, I shouldn't be harsh on him, if he and Sam were both being completely truthful Jake couldn't help they way he felt and I shouldn't be so unsympathetic about something that was so instinctual for him.

"Love you too, Jake."

&

I walked into my empty first period classroom and looked at the whiteboard; _All seniors are to meet in gym for the announcement of the Senior Project_.

I dredged over to the gym and scanned the seats for anyone I knew that I could sit by, of course the seat next to Mike was the only one empty. What wrathful God had I angered now?

"Hey Mike," I said out of politeness as I slid my backpack under the metal folding chair, I hoped that the announcement would be short since these chair were far from comfortable.

I had silently been dreading the infamous Senior Project. It was a new topic every year, so there was no way to prepare ahead and apparently your entire high school life depended on this. If you didn't complete the project you didn't graduate, which seems a little silly. Could a school really base the printing of your diploma on one little project?

"Hey Bella, great party last night, huh."

I smiled, "Yeah."

"Too bad I didn't get to dance with you, I was kind of busy."

"Yeah," or completely terrified of Jake.

"So, who were you dancing with last night?" Mike asked uneasily.

Jessica's face popped up between the two seats, "He was pretty cute. Nice snag and so quick too. I don't blame you though, I'm sure it's nice to have someone there to take your mind off that nastiness that was formerly known as the autumn and winter months," I grimaced, Jessica always had such wonderful ways of summing up my pitiful existence.

"Jacob and I aren't dating, we're just friends."

"I don't know, you two were dancing pretty close last night. I didn't know you had it in you," I glared at her and she frowned, "Well, can I have his number then?"

At that moment the principal came up to the microphone, the expectant screech came and we all groaned as the bald man adjusted the volume, "Welcome class of 2006. In a few short months you will all be off into the real world, doing whatever you want, having control over your own decisions, making your own money, managing your own lives," the class slouched and gazed off in the distance, day dreaming of that day. I remained focused; I had no idea what I would be doing the day after graduation, let alone the months following the event, "Until then," he yelled into the microphone, "you still belong to me and you still have to do as I say. As you all know Forks High has a mandatory senior project…"

He continued to explain what the point of the project was, "…instill community value…leadership …pertinacity …camaraderie…bellicose…" I frowned, did he even know what these words meant?

"This year's project is going to be a job discovery essay and internship. You can decide where you want to work and who you want to work under, it doesn't even have to be at a real store or business as long as you have some finished product at the end. Whether it be new business skills or something you learned how to make.

"Because jobs are limited here you won't be forced to chose an individual job, I know some of you work in the same stores here. If you would like to partner up, feel free to. Just remember, that whoever you are partnering up with is the one determining whether or not you graduate."

The noise level in the room multiplied, Mike turned towards me, "You wanna partner up for this? It'd be totally easy—"

"Actually, I was going to do something else. I mean, it wouldn't be too much of a stretch if I did the report on working at the shop, would it? I already know those skills. I figure I'd stretch my boundaries a little," especially considering I would be bound for a full time job next year.

"Oh, of course," Mike said, I felt like I had run over his puppy, "That's totally smart, I mean you could shadow your father, which would make an awesome report. Of course," he sat back in his chair and folded his hands in his lap, completely bummed that I had denied him. I hadn't even considered shadowing Charlie as part of the assignment, to me being a chief wasn't a job to Charlie, it was who he was. But if I wasn't going to work at the Newton's or with Charlie for this project I needed to come up with another option and fast, I didn't want to have to tell Mike I would do the project with him.

"May I please have your attention, I have one more announcement. Since Mrs. Dessen is on maternity leave—again—I'd like to introduce to you the new school counselor. She'll be subbing for the rest of the year, please give her a warm welcome."

A young woman I hadn't noticed stood up from the first row, her red hair was flaming down her back. She walked over to the small platform, "Good morning everyone," her voice purred into the microphone.

**AN: **to the single person who reviewed for chapter 5, I'm sorry I didn't respond! I'd love some more reviews, people! Good bad, whatever. I do respond to reviews, life permitting.


	7. Jacob: Emergency of Life

"_There is nothing so strong or safe in an emergency of life as the simple truth."_

CHARLES DICKENS

_**Cupid's Chokehold; Chapter Seven. Jacob.**_

Bella.

It had been hard to focus on school ever since I had imprinted on Bella. She was all that was ever on my mind, in some way or another whatever was said to me I could relate it back to Bella.

We had been learning about black holes in science today and everything the teacher said, at least everything I caught, was immediately related to Bella.

"A black hole is a region of space whose gravitational force is so strong that nothing can escape from it. A black hole is invisible because it even traps light," the teacher drawled on about 'the wonders of space' as I zoned out.

Like Bella, whenever I was around her now I felt like I was being sucked into her. Like she was the only one who existed in the world and that without her the world would be dark and dull.

Sam had had it so easy. He had gone to school with Emily and had been able to be with her nearly every moment of every day, he had known that even in the classes without her he would see her soon during passing period. He had been in most of her classes anyway. He didn't have years of high school ahead of him when he met Emily, only a few months. I still had two years of attempting to focus.

Sam had said that it would get easier as time went by and that I would learn how to be what Bella wanted and needed. Sam said that the relationship would become less complicated with time, but I found that hard to believe. I still wanted Bella to love me like I loved her at this time. I still had hold of that string of hope that her heart would change.

Sam promised that as the imprint between Bella and I grew stronger my selfish impulses and wants would disappear; if her heart wouldn't change I could do my best to fix it, to mend it. I wanted to be able to make her happy again; I wanted to see that genuine smile on her face again, I wanted to her hear her laugh again.

The bell rang and I fought my way to the door and to my car, the sooner I got home the sooner I could call Bella and talk to her about her day. If only we both had cell phones I would be able to reach her right now.

I could hear the phone ringing from the driveway and I quickly turned off the ignition and raced to the phone, "Hello?" I heard her cry before she started talking.

"Jake, please come pick me up," Bella cried. My heartbeat surged with my adrenaline and I began to shake. Whoever was causing her this terror was in serious danger of me ending them.

"Where are you, Bell?"

I began walking to the door with the receiver in my hand as she gave me the street name she was on, "Please come get me," she cried before I could ask her why she wasn't at home.

"Of course, Bells. I love you," I hung up the phone and flung it towards the couch. I was out the door before I could see if it had made it. I quickly got into my car and drove recklessly to where Bella was. My Bella. My terrified Bella.

I couldn't imagine what was making her so scared, so terrified, but I knew that once I was there I could do anything and everything in my power to extinguish her terror.

I found her eyesore of a truck quickly and pulled up next to it, I got out of my car and looked at Bella behind her window. Her knees were pulled up to her chest and she was shivering, her small hands were clutching the steering wheel like a small child holding on to a kite during a hurricane. I knocked on her window and she jumped and screamed, fear shot through by body as I went through the possibilities of why she was so terrified.

I prayed that any of the horrible people that had hurt her weren't come back, especially now since I knew exactly what they were. It would take more than orders from Sam to stop me from hurting them if they were to appear again.

A look of intense relief took over Bella's face and she quickly tripped out of the truck and fell into me. I sat down on the hood of my car and held her, her feet still on the ground and her head on my shoulder. I was terribly confused but had no idea what I was supposed to do, certain things had been ingrained into me; how to morph, how to hunt vampires. But curing a girl's broken heart still remained a mystery.

Her hands gripped my shirt as her tears dripped onto my shoulder. It was then that I noted that her truck was steaming from the hood, I frowned. Was this all over her truck?

"Bella, what's wrong?"

"The truck broke down and I couldn't get a hold of Charlie and then I realized that you're the one who fixed this truck and you could do a lot more good than Charlie could and then you weren't answering your phone and I was scared," she said quickly, her eyes were red from crying and her lips were puffy from biting them. I felt terrible for thinking it, but I desperately wanted to kiss her senseless. I knew this wasn't the time to impose my racy wishes on her though.

"Is that all?" I questioned.

She looked away, but I saw her eyes widen, "Can we please just call a tow truck and go to your house, I don't want to be home alone right now."

"Did someone hurt you?" I began to shake again.

She shook her head furiously, but doubt penetrated me. Bella would protect someone she knew, even if they had hurt her. That's why she never had a mean thing to say about the monster that broke her heart.

"Jake…"

"Come on," I helped her into the front seat. I couldn't determine if she was cold or I just wasn't used to normal human body temperature. I grabbed her backpack and found a sweatshirt shoved behind the back of the seat. I locked her car and got into my own, I would be able to send someone from the pack up here. Sam could order them if that was what needed to be done, he would understand that I needed to be with Bella. And if Bella wanted to be at my house, I wasn't planning on leaving it for anything short of an apocalypse. And even then, we had a cellar.

I tossed her backpack into the back of my car and passed her the sweatshirt, "Are you going into shock?"

She shook her head, "I don't think so," but she still put the sweatshirt on.

I drove back to the res quietly and slowly, but I couldn't help but wonder, "Bella, the truck breaking down isn't the only thing upsetting you is it?"

She wiped her face with the sleeve of her sweatshirt and shook her head, "I just want to get home—to your house, Jacob. Please," she curled her legs under her and rested her head against my shoulder. It was five minutes before she started talking again, "Oh God, Victoria. No. Jacob!" I tore my eyes away from the road and saw that her eyes were closed, if it weren't for the terror in her voice I would have smiled. I found her sleep talking adorable and wondered what kind of trouble I could get her into with that, I knew some sleep talkers could be manipulated into giving up dark secrets in their sleep. "Edward?"

His name caught my attention and I began to drive just a little bit faster towards my house, besides if anyone pulled me over I could simply say that the chief police's daughter was terribly sick and my house was closest.

I pulled into my driveway for the second time within the hour and slid Bella out of the car, she stiffened when she woke up and opened her eyes, "Jake," her eyes were filled with terror again. She wrapped her arms around my neck and laid her head down, I pulled her legs around my waist and walked towards the house.

I had no idea what to do at this point, did she want to go back to sleep again, did she want something to eat, did she just want to do her homework and discuss whatever had her so terrified on her own terms. I hoped it wasn't the latter, my patience wasn't the best but it seemed that Bella was going to give that virtue a work out.

"What do you need Bella?" I asked, still holding on to her tightly.

"I just need to sit down," I walked over to the couch and put the phone receiver on the table. I laid Bella down and grabbed the nearby unused blanket, a leftover of Mom's attempt at decorating. Bella smiled but shook her head and pushed the blanket away. Her tears had stopped and her breathing had clamed down, the ten-minute nap had done her well.

"Bella—"

"We have a problem," she started out, I grabbed her hand, whether it was to support her or myself I wasn't sure. Knowing what I did about Bella's past I didn't like hearing those words come out of her mouth, "There's a new vampire in town. Victoria."

**AN: **Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, I think I sent almost everyone the quote. Now that I'm back home I'll be able to respond more diligently to the reviews, so keep 'em coming. I love when people keep me on my toes!


	8. Jacob: Battle for a Cure

**AN: **You will see similarities between small bits of New Moon and this story because they _have_ to happen in order for things to be understood. _Also, I might update a little less frequently. _School has be completely bogged down right now and I'd rather update twice a month than continue updating once a week for the next ten weeks and leave you hanging till after my finals. So, it's only the second week of school so we'll see if my homework load settles down or I learn how to handle it better.

"_I start to think there really is no cure for depression, that happiness is an ongoing battle, and I wonder if it is one I'll have to fight for as long as I live. I wonder if it's worth it."_

ELIZABETH WURZTEL

_**Cupid's Chokehold; Chapter Eight. Jacob.**_

She continued to hold onto my hand and I wrapped my other hand around hers, her hands were cold, like ice. She wouldn't look at me, her breathing was short and shallow. I brought my hand to her chin and turned her face towards me, big tears were in her eyes and they dropped once she blinked. It hurt me to see her cry but I needed to know everything, "Who's Victoria?"

"I have a lot to explain, can I ask you a question first?" she shook her head and gritted her teeth. I could feel the vice tighten on my heart, if it made her feel better she could do whatever the hell she wanted to do.

"You can ask me anything, Bells, you should know that," I pushed small strands of hair out of her face and wiped the salty tears away.

"Will you help me with my senior project? I need to learn a job skill. I was thinking we could do something with my truck, of course this was before it broke down."

I laughed lightly and held her close, wrapping my arms around her. Only Bella could defuse a situation like that, "Of course, Bella," instead of pulling back like I had expected her to she leaned into my embrace, "Why don't you want to talk about this vampire?" he asked calmly.

"Just listen."

She told me everything and my heart grew tighter as I listened to her recount her tale, a story that would make Edger Allen Poe shiver in terror. Bella told me about what had happened last spring.

"So, wait a minute," I grabbed her wrist and outlined the scar again.

"Yeah," was all she said. A tight shock of dread and disgust went through me.

"You're not to go near that vampire, I could have lost you!"

"What am I supposed to do Jacob? She's working at my school!" she pulled her hands through her hair, "Just let me finish, okay?" She went on to tell me about how a vampire named Laurent came back.

"We killed him," I said, hoping to see a grin light up her face.

She looked up at me, relief soared through her face. She moved so quickly I was taken a back, her legs straddled my own and her weak arms clung to me, "Thank you, Jacob," I came back to my senses and wrapped my arms around her, savoring her temporary loss of composure. She pulled away, "You're not hurt are you?"

I laughed, "Of course not, Bella. We are made to hunt and destroy vampires, no one got hurt, I promise you."

"I can't have you getting hurt, Jake. If you got hurt, Jake, I wouldn't have anyone to turn to. It's hard enough to talk to Charlie about this—"

"You told him?" I had thought Bella would have been smart enough to realize that the vampires and werewolves were not something that was to be spread around like pictures of some new celebrity baby.

"No! And that's what I mean! When I go home and Charlie asks what I did, asks why I'm upset, it's hard to explain. It's hard to come up with something to tell him. Maybe you haven't noticed, Jacob, but I'm not the best liar," I smiled, that was certainly true.

"I won't get hurt. I won't leave you, Bells. Ever. I can't," she readjusted her fingers more tightly around my hand, "Can you continue?"

She nodded and mutely noticed her position on my lap, she sat back down on her own cushion but held tight to my hand. She went on with her morbid story. Anger pulsed within me, somehow Victoria had gotten a job at the school. Protecting her there would be hard, Sam was the only one not going to school and he had obligations during the day. I knew having the pack's grades suffer in order to protect Bella wasn't the best option—which was why I would be the only one to be on Bella's school campus. I would escort her to and from school, I would stay near her classroom.

If I saw an open and safe opportunity I could take the leach down, otherwise we would have to widen the area we ran through. We hadn't come across her scent yet and if she had a job now that had to mean she was nearby.

This could be solved, "I just don't know what she wants, Jake. I mean, I know what she wants, she wants to kill me. But, she can just sneak through my window and off me in my sleep—" it pained me to hear Bella speak so bluntly about dying "—why does she need to be at my school too? School was my safe place," she gasped, her eyes widened and she looked at me, "and here of course."

"We'll figure it out, Bells. We have to. I'll do whatever it takes to keep you safe," I pressed my lips to her hair, she pulled away and got up from the couch. I worried that I had pushed her too far. I hadn't thought anything of the kiss, but I had to keep in mind that this was Bella. I had to remember everything she had gone through, everything she was still going through.

"It's just," she bit her pouty lip, trying to find the right words, "have you ever thought that maybe I'm not worth it? Maybe, that all this trying to keep me safe is just a waste of time? I mean, come on Jake, it's been what a few days since you guys upped the running stuff and you're already exhausted. I don't think you can last a few more weeks. And what's going to happen if the problem with Victoria isn't resolved in a couple weeks. Maybe this is just futile," she turned around and headed towards the hallway, grabbing her jacket and bag on the way there.

I ran to catch her arm and I pulled her closer, "You are worth it, Bella."

"You're just saying that because of this silly imprint thing," she shook her head and tried to pull away from me.

In truth, I was, but it was all true, "You _are_ worth it. You need to believe that and I'm not going to let you leave until you agree with me," I took her coat and bag out of her hands and wrapped my arm around her shoulders, conveniently locking her in place.

"You can't make me stay here."

"You don't have a car."

"I can walk."

"It's 15 miles back to town and that's not including getting back to your house."

She looked around the room and her eyes stopped on my keys, "I'll take your car."

"Grand theft auto," it stung, "You want to get away from me that bad."

Her face dropped and she stopped struggling against me, "I don't want to get away from you Jake. I just want to get away from this. I want to be normal again and just lead a normal life. You know? It's just… is that too much to ask for?"

Her words broke my heart, I wanted to be able to give her that normal life. I wanted to be able to give her that more than I wanted to breathe. Which was ironic because the only reason I wanted to make her feel better so badly was because I wasn't normal. Of course, I had cared for Bella, maybe even loved her, before I had phased but the emotion and feeling was much more intense now. I can't say if I would have gone as far as I would now pre-change.

"Of course not, Bella. I want you to have that. But, you have to trust me. You have to let me help you," I placed my hands on her shoulders, loose enough for her to leave, but she didn't.

"I can't have you getting hurt, Jacob. You're far too important to me," I absorbed her words, cherished them. But I didn't have the time to wallow in those words; I had to quell her fears. I took hold of her hand and walked her into the kitchen.

"Bella, I can't get hurt anymore," she looked ready to criticize my words. I grabbed a knife from off the cutting board and struck my hand. Her eyes widened, her face paled, her jaw shuddered, her breathing became labored. She covered her mouth, her widened, terrified eyes slowly become confused as the slash healed before any blood could escape.

"What the hell was that about Jacob?"

"I can't get hurt anymore, Bella," I repeated, "I heal too fast," she looked up at me, absorbing everything in. She blinked, slowly, and huge tears dripped down her cheeks.

"Oh my God."

**A Healthy Reminder: **reviews means quotes, I will respond to everyone. Honest!


	9. Bella: Tears

"_If you have tears prepare to shed them now."_

WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE

_**Cupid's Chokehold; Chapter Nine. Bella.**_

For the second time in the past sixth months, I lost it. You would have thought that finding out my one best friend was a supernatural creature would have done it, you could have thought my truck breaking down would do it, you should have thought Victoria taking a _teaching position_ at my school would have done it. But, no, seeing the knife slice through Jacob's hand and expecting to faint from the blood and not having that happen sent me over the edge.

Certainly, it was a combination of these things, but I'd like to think that if Jacob hadn't decided to attempt blood letting we could have passed today off as another Bella outburst and gone on with our slightly distorted perception of normalcy.

But, that didn't seem to be on the agenda. I stared at the fine, thin line on Jake's hand and let the tears flow down my cheeks. He wrapped his arms around me and I was comforted by the warmth I found there. Instead of resisting I stayed there and closed my eyes and cried. I had just cried, but this was different. There wasn't any sobbing or heavy breathing or moaning going on, just big, silent tears.

And it felt good. It felt so good that I didn't really feel like stopping.

I cried for the lies I had to tell to Charlie. In the past few months he had been so wonderful to me and listened and respected my decisions (no matter how poor they were) and now I was repaying him by lying to him. And no matter how important it was that I lie to him the guilt was still there.

I cried for my friends and classmates who were now in imminent danger 6 hours out of the day because of me. They were supposed to be able to enjoy their senior year, hell, they were supposed to be able to live through their senior year.

I cried for Jacob who was putting so much aside to help me out. I cried for Billy who was probably suffering because of me as well. I cried for Jacob's friends who were now working double time because of me.

And Jacob, sweet Jake, kind Jake, Jake who was far too good to even give me any sort of attention, held me during all of it. He didn't tell me to calm down, or to shush, he didn't console me with lies of how it would all work out and be okay. He didn't ask me if I wanted to sit down or if I needed water. He didn't ask if he could do anything to help me out, he just held me. And I was so thankful for that, because that was all I needed.

The crying slowed down eventually and I pulled back from Jacob, my knees popped from not moving for so long. The sun had gone down and the stove clock said that an hour had gone by since the slip of Jake's knife.

"I can cook dinner for you guys if you have any food."

&

Things improved the rest of the night as long as we ignored the pink polka-dotted elephant that followed us everywhere. And ignored its trumpeting.

The tow truck brought my own truck over and Jacob diagnosed it. He promised me that as soon as he ordered the parts we could begin working on it together, as long as I wasn't afraid of chipping a nail or getting dirty.

I held up my stubbly, square finger nails and smiled, "I think I'll be fine."

We worked on homework together for the rest of the night, which resulted in me explaining the themes of _The Odyssey _to Jake. I felt guilty, not only was I taking up his time by being a danger magnet, but I was also taking up his time by asking him to help me with the senior project. It was only fair that I help him out in return, I didn't want Jake to fail school on my account.

It was well into the night before I got home, I was ready to find Charlie worried and angry on the couch, instead I found a clean kitchen and Charlie upstairs already fast asleep.

&

I spent a lot of my time between sleeping and school at Jake's house. I was comfortable there, not only because Jake was a good friend but, because I knew I was safe there. And I knew that comforted Jake as well. I just had to trust that Charlie would be safe at work, Jake had told me that someone would be posted near the station just in case.

Deep down I was certain that wasn't necessary, Victoria wasn't after my family. She was after me. Of course, she could try and scare me by going through my family. I had to trust Jake and the pack. Who I had yet to meet face to face, Jacob promised me that I would soon. I suppose I had seen some of them at the party before school started but it wasn't like Jake was introducing them as a member of their wolf pack.

I opened the door to my last class of the day and the words on the board made my body go numb.

_All seniors will report to the gym to discuss senior activities._

I had gone the entire week without having to run into Victoria. And I had held on to the thinnest strand of hope that she was just here to scare me and not massacre the entire Forks class of 2006. How silly of me, thinking positive, had I forgotten who I was?

I walked to the gym quickly and grabbed a seat in the far back, I was sitting near people I didn't know, but I didn't care. The farther away I was from Victoria the better off my mental state was. She didn't walk around campus like most of the other counselors did and I intended to keep any face to face contact with her to a bare minimum. I.E. these group meetings.

"Good afternoon, you happy souls," she started, her smile was bright and cheerful. Her teeth were gleaming, her hair was pulled back in a ponytail. Her clothes were simple, yet fashionable, drawing the students in, asking them to trust her, look up to her, see her as a friend. Only I could see past the gloss.

"I've been looking over your end-of-the-year activities and I was shocked to see that you guys don't have a grad nite. I remember loving mine so much and I just want you to all be able to have that same experience," it came to my attention that I knew nothing of her past. I couldn't help but wonder if maybe she did remember her own grad nite…. Either way she wasn't doing it for the memories this time. I couldn't fathom why she wanted to instill the grad nite tradition.

And I realized, maybe I didn't want to.

"I've talked to some of you and I've decided that a huge bon fire at the beach is just want you guys need after graduation. I'll pass out fliers at the end…."

Jacob was waiting by his car when I got out of the assembly, I made eye contact with him and his face brightened considerably. A tinge of guilt ran through me, Jake had entrusted me with his car, "You can walk, get a ride from _Chief_ Swan… or borrow the Rabbit," his argument was undeniably good. But, I knew that because of this he was relying on other people for rides or running errands on foot. Whether he had gotten here by way of a ride or feet, I wasn't sure, but I was more worried about how he got here if he walked. Did he walk here in human form or his wolf form?

Which I had yet to see. I was desperately curious about what his wolf form looked like, was he a hideous werewolf like those seen in movies or did he look like a typical wolf? I knew all too well that Hollywood didn't always do their best at portraying mythical creatures in a real way.

I walked over to Jacob and tried to smile but it quickly melted off my face, I just couldn't keep up the façade. Not when it was so easy to let it all go with Jacob. And I did like that I could be honest with Jacob, it was just hard sometimes.

"I need to get some books out of my locker, walk with me?"

"Of course," he took my backpack from me and placed it in the car before taking his place beside me, "How was school?" he asked as I guided him towards my locker.

"_School_ was okay, learning was no problem. It's what happened at the assembly that was terrible. Can we talk about it later?" I didn't want to break down again, not right now and not at school.

He looked ready to ask, but instead nodded his head. I grabbed my books and turned around, heading back to the car.

I was surprised when Jake stopped in front of my house, "Oh."

"What is it?"

I shifted, slightly uncomfortable, "I just figured we would be going to your house. I guess it was what I was used to," and it was true, even though I had only been going there on a daily basis for a little over a week it felt natural to be there. It felt like home.

"I just thought that maybe you'd want a change of pace, a change of scenery."

"Jacob, the only difference is that your place smells like sea salt," I smiled. He laughed, a throaty laugh that was true and made my smile grow more, "Actually, I wanted to start working on the senior project. Explain it more to you and maybe get working on the truck."

"Bella, I don't have the parts yet."

"Oh, I know. I figured that, but, Jake, I don't know much about cars. It took me two weeks to remember the break from the gas," he looked shocked and dismayed and I felt a little embarrassed. Was teaching me going to be more than he could handle? "You can still back out, of course."

"I would never back out on you Bella."

He started the car back up and drove us down to the res. He started by pointing out each part of the car and explaining briefly how they worked, it was hard at first but I just had to hope and pray that by the end I would have this down. Jake was a good teacher though and that definitely helped. He was infinitely patient, which was what I needed in a topic so over my head.

It wasn't until I was making dinner that I realized I had completely forgot about the danger Victoria imposed on the students at school.

**AN: **You guys are wonderful for waiting so long, expect an update on Thursday and Saturday. I love you all!


	10. Jacob: Safe vs Sane

"_Lord, keep her safe since you can't keep her sane."_

GLORIA NAYLOR

_**Cupid's Chokehold; Chapter Ten. Jacob.**_

Dad excused himself to his room to eat, leaving Bella and I alone in the kitchen, "Do you want to go out and eat on the beach?"

She nodded slowly, after we had finished working on her project she had withdrawn into herself. I wanted to blatantly ask what was wrong, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. It broke my heart seeing her so withdrawn, but it also broke my heart seeing her cry like she did before.

Bella served up the meatloaf for both of us and handed me my plate, "Are you staying on top of your homework, Jake?" she asked quietly, trying to fill the silence.

"Sort of, I'm not smart like you, Bella," school wasn't a priority for me. Bella was.

"We'll work on it this weekend," she said quietly. She sat her plate down in the sand and scooped some between her fingers, watching it drift between them and form a small pile next to her. It struck me that this was what I had done after Mom passed away and that it was extremely therapeutic.

"Do you want to talk?"

She thought about it before answering, "Not really."

She looked so sad, her plate being ignored, as she stared out at the horizon, the sun dipping into the sea. I had to fill my mouth with food in order to not pry deeper.

The sun disappeared quickly and I turned to Bella, "We need to talk, don't we?"

"Yes."

I took hold of her hand, a scoop of sand stuck between our palms, "I'm scared, Jacob. Really scared. I'm more afraid than I've ever been before. I'm more scared than I was when Renee left me at the mall when I was three. I'm more scared than when I had to give a speech to my entire school. I'm more scared than when I felt James' venom running through my arm. Jake, I knew what was going to happen then. More or less. Renee would find me eventually, I'd run off the stage, Edward would save me," she gritted her teeth, "Or I would die," she added as an afterthought.

"But, now I'm not sure. Or maybe I am and the answer scares me. She's going to kill me, she's going to kill me Jacob but she's going to take down everyone I love first. She's planning a huge Grad Nite party here and I just know something bad is going to happen. I thought that she was just at the school to scare me, to frighten me some more before she made her move," she looked straight at me, "I could rest peacefully if I knew I was the only one that she was going to bring down. But, now I don't know. I couldn't stand the thought of any of my friends being hurt because of me, even Mike or Jessica," she paused and wrapped her hand around my own in an even fiercer grip, "And especially you, Jake. I know you want to be all macho and you keep reassuring me that you'll be fine, but the supernatural has a tendency to surprise me. And I don't like surprises, Jake. I like knowing what's going to happen."

She turned away from me when she was done and began scooping up sand in her other hand, watching it float away in the wind that had picked up. I didn't know what to do, but I could see her hope floating away with that sand. I didn't know how to restore that hope, it wouldn't be as easy as replacing the hole she had dug. We couldn't just push new hope into her hole of despair. I had to prove her that everything would be okay, everything would work out.

I knew telling her that wouldn't help, I had to do it myself. I had to take down Victoria. I had to kill this vampire for Bella. If this vampire was gone Bella could be happy again, but maybe in that process I could win her heart.

&

I took Bella home and only left after she promised to call at even the slightest sight of the unordinary. I rushed home and quickly called Sam over, we needed to talk.

He opened the door and walked into the dining room, my dad was sitting at the table as well. He needed to be clued in.

"Jacob, this better be important. I had an important night planned with Emily," he sat down and ran his fingers through his hair. I momentarily felt bad, of course I would feel worse if Bella ended up dead.

"Bella's in a lot of trouble. I think we all are," I explained to him the situation. He took it gracefully and without complaint. We had been expecting some sort of backfire after the Cullens left, we had just figured that it would be the Cullens we were fighting and not a completely new vampire.

I can't say that I wasn't disappointed that I wasn't going to be able to take down that family, it was something I dreamed about almost nightly, both when I was asleep and awake. But, if this Victoria was planning to hurt Bella in anyway then I could channel the hatred towards the Cullens towards Victoria.

"Try not to worry about this, Jacob. It's one vampire; she can't escape from us. Focus on keeping Bella safe, try and see if she knows anything about vampire strength. We have the stories to go by, but if she has any first hands stories…"

"I'll try. I don't want to pressure her, Sam. I can't do that to her," she still seemed so fragile, the past few days especially.

"Do your best. If you want to help her, you might have to hurt her a little bit."

"Sam, I don't know if I can do that!" There wasn't a bone in my body that could hurt Bella, every impulse I had was to keep Bella free from any negative feeling or emotion. A goal I was steadily failing at.

"You can Jake. You're incredibly strong already. I'm impressed," he said honestly. I felt embarrassed at his sentiment, "Just keep up what you're doing and you'll be fine. Trust your instincts and listen to your body, you don't want to change in front of her. You should go running tonight, it'll relieve some stress on both forms. Anything else, Jacob?"

"Not right now."

"Okay. Since we haven't sensed this vamp on our territory yet I'll wait till tomorrow to talk to everyone. You should try and stay with Bella if she's not at school, I'll get everyone else to keep watch. Just don't forget to go running when you can. If things get bad, we'll need everyone in top shape. Besides, if you don't change regularly you'll have a harder time when you need to change. If there is a vampire near by Embry and Quil will be the next to change. If this vampire is really going to try and do some damage, we'll be covered."

The pressure of what was to come was becoming exceedingly heavy, "Thanks Sam. Sorry about ruining your night with Emily."

"Ah, it's okay, Jake. These things are important. 'Sides, I haven't actually gone home yet. Had to pick up the ring from Dad," he pulled a small silver band out from his pocket, a small purple gem of some sort was set inside the band.

"Finally tying the knot with Em?"

"Yeah," he looked up from the ring smiling, truly smiling.

"'Bout damn time, man," I laughed, clapping my hand on his back.

"Thanks Jake. Take care, kay?"

"Sure, sure," I idilly agreed. Once Sam left I changed to my almost foreign wolf form and ran to Bella's house, spending the night just outside her backdoor.

&

The next few days passed by quietly, Bella continued coming over after her school let out. Most days we would just sit at the table and do homework, Bella would always finish before me and stare at me until I consented and asked her to help me. I was amazed that she could always explain everything to me so completely and make it appear effortless.

I had yet to ask her anything about the vampire's abilities, I was hesitant to break her heart and her trust.

"Jake, could I ask you a question?"

I put my pencil down and looked up at her, "Of course."

"Remember when we saw your friends jump from the cliff and you said you would take me some time?"

I desperately wanted to take back that statement. I remembered it well and at the time I wanted nothing more than to make Bella smile and if cliff jumping was the key to that smile I was willing to go for it. But now, while my mission to make Bella smile still existed I wanted to earn that smile safely.

"Yeah, why?" I asked cautiously.

"I want to go, please would you take me?" her face was sweet and I looked down and smiled. She knew I wanted to say no. Having Bella jump from the cliff was the farthest thing from being safe, particularly where Bella was concerned.

Which was why it surprised me when I said yes.

**AN:** The extreme lack of reviews for the last chapter made me sad. :c So, as a more enticing treat than a quote I'll be sending out a small section (perhaps a paragraph or two) of the next chapter with my response. And the next chapter is gooooood. It's what you've all be waiting for. c: I'm serious you guys, review. Even if it's just "good chapter" I'll send you something. If you give me more than that (my ratio of unique reviews _was_ up last time, so good job you guys) maybe I'll give you more of a snippet. c:

Ah, bribery.

(Updated again due to editing issues, sorry for any confusion.)


	11. Bella: Something's Gotta Give

_Something's gotta give me butterflies.  
Something's gotta make me feel alive.  
Something's gotta give me dreams at night.  
I don't know where it is,  
but something's gotta give.  
LEANN RIMES, SOMETHING'S GOTTA GIVE_

SATURDAY, APRIL 8

_**Cupid's Chokehold; Chapter Eleven. Bella.**_

The days passed by quickly and when Saturday came I quickly drove down to La Push, change of clothes in stow. My stomach was full of bubbles and butterflies and I had a hard time keeping the grip on the steering wheel steady. Jacob was waiting outside when I arrived, he wasn't smiling, but he had a towel in hand so I knew he wasn't going to change his mind and refuse me.

I felt very little guilt for using this whole imprint thing against him; it was the only way I was going to be able to test if I was over him. It was simple procedure. Jump, put myself in danger and see if I heard any voices. Well, one voice in particular—and that was Edward's. If I heard multiple voices I'd have bigger fish to fry than just yearning over my ex-boyfriend. If I didn't hear Edward's voice, maybe I could really recover from this profuse depression and be happy again. I could find someone else and maybe that someone else could be Jacob.

Jacob walked over and got into the car, he threw the towel into the back seat, "You look nice today." I scoffed, I looked down at my ensemble of sweat pants and an old t-shirt. "I mean you look better than you have the past few days," I raised my eyebrow, what made the lazy outfit I sported right now so different than my sweatshirt and jean combos from school days? "I mean," I looked over to Jacob again and he was blushing vividly, "you look healthier, happier. I don't know. Not so gloomy… just take the compliment."

I smiled and nodded, "Alright."

We drove closer towards the cliff and my nerves began to intensify. I wanted to chicken out, this was much bigger than talking to those strangers in the city or riding the motorcycles. Those things were unintentionally dangerous; I knew that this had a dangerous element to it. I could hit the water wrong and die, I could misjudge my step and not get far away enough from the cliff. Nothing good could come from this if things were to go wrong.

But on the other hand, there was the possibility that things could go wonderfully.

I pulled into the empty dirty lot that overlooked the scenic ocean, "No, Bella. You're not jumping from the top one, I'm not going to let you," Jake said in what he probably meant as enduring but what was really overbearing and controlling. I wasn't going to stand for it, I was tired of being controlled by other people and their decisions.

"You can't stop me," I got out of the car and walked over to the cliff. I looked down and I was gasped at the sight; it was a long way down and despite the nice weather the water was choppy. I heard the car door slam behind me.

"We'll go off the cliff below. We can climb up from the shore—"

"Jacob, I want to go off this cliff. If you don't let me we can go back now and work on my project and I can come back later without telling you and jump," I kicked a rock off the ledge and lost sight of it.

"You wouldn't be able to. You have to pass by my house, I'd be able to hear you. I'd stop you," he had placed his hand on my shoulder and I shrugged it off. I moved away from him and harrumphed. I just wanted to do what I wanted to do, what was the harm in that?

"Please, Jake?" I put on my best pout and pleading face. Jake's face was twisted mess of torture and pleasure, "It's not the Cliffs of Insanity or anything, just a cliff."

"Fine, we'll go at the same time," he gathered our shoes, my change of clothes and his shirt in the towel and tied a knot. I watched him throw them over and thud on the beach below us. It was a very long way down and I realized that if things didn't go very well we could end up like our belongings down on the beach. The knot had come undone and everything in the towel had been thrown around the sand.

Jake took my hand and we walked to the ledge, small pebbles fell off and got lost in the surf, "You're going to hold onto me, try and keep your legs straight. When we hit the water start kicking." I nodded and he faced me towards him and wrapped his arms under my own, I held tightly to his shoulders, "Ready?" I nodded again, it was really all I could manage at that point.

We took a step off the ledge and we were both flying through the air, I held onto him tighter than I thought I could. I let out a small scream, trying to contain my enthusiasm for Jacob's sake; my mouth was right next to his ear. Mixed in with the enthusiasm was a tinge of fear, I was falling hundreds of feet to the murky waters below.

"Hold your breath," I managed to gulp in air before we hit the water and immediately began kicking. It was struggle because instinct told me to use my arms but I did more harm to Jake's face than good to getting us closer to the surf. The salt was stinging my eyes and getting in my mouth through the clown-esque grin I had on my face, but I just couldn't help it. We popped up from the sea and I hugged Jacob close to me, I was laughing and crying at the same time. I could feel Jake kicking to keep us afloat, but I could also hear his laughter, "I'm glad you enjoyed it."

"You have no idea," Jake pushed me onto his back and began paddling towards the shore. I held on tight and closed my eyes against his bare back, I couldn't wipe the smile off my face even if I tried.

The enjoyment I had gotten out of jumping was surprise, my original intention of jumping was not to have fun, it was to hear Edward's voice. And I hadn't heard Edward's voice at all.

I felt my legs scrape against the sand and I stood up, I walked slowly to the shore. My muscles were tight from being so stiff on the way down and the waves kept pushing against me, Jacob held onto my back helping me make my way towards the shore. I fell down once the water was shallow enough and enjoyed the waves lapping at my legs and fingertips. Jake just sat there, completely bemused by my joy. I couldn't explain to him where this delirium was coming from, at least not yet.

But perhaps I could look forward to being happy again.

I sat up and leaned into Jake, we were facing opposite directions and my head was on his shoulder. The ocean seemed almost less impressive now that I jumped into it, but the sun still sparkled down on it causing a beautiful site. If the sky stayed clear the sunset would be impressive.

Jacob suddenly stiffened and pushed me behind him, "There's a vampire on the land," I turned around and peered over his shoulder. I was disappointed that I wasn't surprised by the red headed vampire making her way towards us from the woods that lines the beach.

"It's Victoria."

I was instantly torn, I wanted Jacob to stay here. I felt safe with him nearby, but I knew that he wanted to run and destroy her. I unwillingly let go of Jacob's arm but he made no attempt to move besides standing up, he brought his arms behind him and gestured for me to stand up. I obliged.

"You move on fast, Bella," she said in her sickly sweet voice, "I'm a little disappointed that you've been avoiding me at school. I think we'd have so much fun in counseling, you really have a lot of problems to work out. Get your, well, ex-boyfriend to kill my lover, ditch him and find a new and equally as dangerous one. I can nearly feel all the hate coming off from _him_," she gestured at Jacob, "If I didn't know any better I'd say you wanted me dead."

"I want you to leave me alone. I never meant to kill James. I didn't even do it. He attacked me, he tried to kill me. The Cullens only did what they thought was right. If he hadn't tried to kill me we wouldn't have any problems."

"Ce sera sera, you know?" she continued completely ignoring anything I had said, "Just know, I may not be stupid enough to harm you at school but I know where you live and I know where your friends live. Whether they live or die just depends on whether I want to draw this all out or not," I heard her blow a kiss into the wind, "Bye."

She was gone before I could let go of the breath I had been holding. Jacob walked away slowly, cussing and cursing into the wind. I sank to the ground crying. I had been so happy, I had thought that I could move on. Perhaps move on with Jacob, I knew he had feelings for me and I was quite certain that I was developing something beyond friendship. But if I stayed with Jake I would just be being dangerously selfish. I couldn't put Jacob in danger, even if it meant that I could be happy.

"Come on," Jacob was standing above me, holding out his hands. I pushed myself up from the sand and went to grab my clothes that were still strewn along the beach near the edge of the cliff. Jacob pulled the car around while I changed out of my wet clothes. The drive was silent on the way back with the only conversation coming from himself and all that conversation was being directed towards himself so I quickly tuned it out.

He invited me inside but I refused, "I can't come down here anymore, Jake. I think it would just be best if I called Charlie for a ride home and I think it would work out better if I did the senior project with him. I can take my truck over to the auto shop and have them fix it, thank you though."

I started walking down the road to the pay phone, I didn't want to give him time to respond, but despite his shock his speedy reflexes made up for it and he was in front of me before I had taken five steps, "No, you are not breaking up with me, Bella."

I pushed my hair out of my face, the salty drips were stingy my eyes. I walked around him and continued to the phone, "I'm not breaking up with you, Jake. You don't break up with friends. You do however protect them from dangers that they don't need to face. I'll figure out what to do with Victoria on my own, maybe I can get a hold of Alice and she can have Emmett and Jasper come down and take care of it," I left out the part where the Cullens had left no form of forwarding address, phone number or even email. But it couldn't be too terribly hard to google Carlisle's name. Surely a small town would be pleased enough to receive such a renowned doctor such as him that their paper would write an article or two on him, "Tell the rest of the pack thank you, but they can return to their regular programming."

"You don't understand, Bells! I can't leave you, I don't want to leave you. You're my imprint! I love you more than anything in the world. If saving you means that I have to die then I'm okay with that. You're more important than food and oxygen to me. Victoria came onto our land, she's a threat to us now. And now that the Cullen's are gone Forks is our territory as well, if she's in that town we have every right to protect it's citizens. Tough luck Bella, but you're stuck with me."

"I don't want to be stuck with you, if you stay with me you're either going to die or push me away when you're through. That's just how it works with me, spare me the pain, all right?"

I began walking away again but he swung me back, his grip on my arm was tight and gave me no room to move. I had no time to react, instead his lips were crushing my own. I gasped; they were so soft and gentle. His hands moved up to cup my face and I wrapped my hands around his wrists, I fully intended to push him away. Once I found the strength again. He pulled away and wiped the tears away from my face, he smiled, "It wasn't that bad."

No, dear God, it was wonderful.

"I can't do this, Jake. I'm not ready. I'll tell you when and if I'm ready. Maybe when Victoria's gone. We've been over this already," I couldn't look up at him, instead I stared down at the dirt road and my muddied feet. That kiss had felt wonderful and my mind had been Edward free when we were jumping.

I couldn't look him in the eye because I knew I was lying to him.

**AN: **haha! Did you guys actually think I would give you that quote and then let them have their happily ever after! Ha! Suckers! No, I'm kidding. It's getting closer to that, honest to blog (what movie's that from?).

Anyway, I realize I said I would update on Saturday, well I was at an amazing Writer's Conference and after I was critiqued by Catherine Ryan Hyde I pretty much lost my mind and went into crazy land because a published author said I was good. Yeah, my impending 19th birthday should bring on some maturity, I'm sure.

Update Tuesday night-ish, California time? Maybe. I have a big exam that I kinda have to pass but we all know how much I love procrastinating.

**Also:** No quote this time from the story, but I'll still send out the chapter quote if you guys review. (I realize I skipped some of you yesterday, again, I blame my psychotic happiness.)


	12. Bella: Rightly Timed Pause

AN: Bella still has Jake's car

"_The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause."_

_MARK TWAIN_

FRIDAY, APRIL 14

_**Cupid's Chokehold; Chapter Twelve. Bella.**_

The phone had been ringing pretty regularly since Saturday and I'm sure if I took the time I could calculate how many times Jake had called me in the past four days. The calls started Saturday night and while it might have only been seven in the morning on Wednesday the calls were already starting.

I was getting pretty good at ignoring the ringing and after the second day Charlie had given up on answering as well, tuning it out with the TV. He had yet to voice his worry on the sporadic relationship Jacob and I had since he expressed his worry of me being involved in drugs. It was obvious in the way he acted and the long stares he'd give me, he was attentive enough to know that something was wrong.

I wanted to stop the worrying. I didn't like having to add to Charlie's list of worries, but how was I supposed to bring this up? "Hey Dad, so there's this new teacher at school named Victoria and she wants to kill me. She's a vampire; last year Edward and his family killed her mate. But you shouldn't worry too much; cause you see, Jake and his friends are werewolves—yeah—so, no worries, cause werewolves are like the only things that can kill vampires. What'd you want for dinner?"

Oh yeah, that would go over so well.

I would have plenty of time to talk to him since he had all but signed me out of school in order to help me with the project. He had been thrilled when I had asked him for the help and we had both spent our afternoons in his cruiser driving around the small town looking for any rule breakers. It was tragically boring. Tourist season had yet to start and all the locals knew better than to speed or break any laws, the town was small enough and the police force was big enough so that the possibilities of getting away with any rule breaking was slim to none. If our population had been high enough we could have been America's safest city.

Charlie had left for work, promising to pick me up at 3:20 sharp. I knew he would be waiting for me at exactly 3:20, I had never seen Charlie so punctual in my entire life.

I was running late and while Charlie had offered to drop me off in order to save on time I knew that I needed to finish my list of things to do before I could go to school with peace of mind. I was running to the door quickly putting things back in their place, doing things almost mechanically. The phone rang and I begrudgingly answered it, only realizing that I had been boycotting the phone when I heard the caller's voice.

"Bella?"

I wanted to hang up, I really tried, but I couldn't bring myself to do it, "Hi Jacob."

"God, I've missed hearing your voice," I knew that it was my turn to talk but I had nothing to say to that. I missed talking to Jake, but I didn't want to say that to him. I didn't like this estranged friendship any more than he did, but it was what had to happen.

"Jake, I—" I stopped. _I_ what? I didn't want to be friends with him. I didn't want to talk to him. They were all lies. I wanted to be friends with him, possibly more. I wanted to talk to him more than I wanted to talk to anyone else, he understood me. He understood why I was withdrawing from everyone around me. I didn't want him to get hurt. That's what I could say, but I could just see how that would go over. "A measly vampire isn't going to hurt me, Bells. _You_ hurt me, really, you should have a little faith in me." But I didn't have time to start because Jacob began talking again.

"I just needed to call you, Bells. Um," I realized now that he was quiet and not his usual jovial self when he was around me. Something was wrong, "I'm at the hospital. My dad had an accident, Bells. I needed someone to talk to. I'm scared, Bella."

The vulnerability in his voice was far from hidden and my heart ached with the pain I heard, "Jacob…" what was I supposed to say? I didn't feel like 'sorry' would cut it, it wasn't big enough to cover what I wanted to say.

"Could you come down here, Bella?"

I nodded and then realized that he couldn't see me, "Of course I can. May I call Charlie? The school will call him if I don't show up soon," I was already tardy, I didn't want to add truant to the list, "I'm not sure he's convinced that we aren't involved in some drug circle, he might worry," I tried to make him laugh, but failed.

"Tell him not to come down, Dad would be embarrassed." I could only imagine. Billy was a strong person and not one to easily break, it had to be hard for him to sit there and be treated like an invalid.

"I'll be there as soon as I can, Jake."

After hanging up I called Charlie and informed him of my impending absence. It was hard to convince him not to come down, but I succeeded and quickly made my way towards the only hospital in the area. I quickly found his room and peered in through the window, it looked as if they were both asleep. For Billy that might be true, but I knew better than to assume that Jake would be able to sleep right now. He was huddled on the small loveseat that was in the room, elbows on his knees, forehead in his hands. His pain exuded through his body and hit me.

I carefully opened the door and went in and sat next to Jacob, he looked up and my heart ached for him again. His eyes were red and tired, what youthful innocence he had left after being changed was gone from his eyes.

"Can you tell me what happened?" I asked slowly. I saw his chin waver and I bit my lip. I pulled his hand away from his face and intertwined our fingers, Jake looked down at the knot. His skin was strikingly dark against my own.

"Someone pushed him. I mean, he shouldn't have been out there anyway, but Dad was going over to Harry's house and someone—no, that vampire, _Victoria_," her name made him gag, "I can still smell her on him. He must have been near the cliff, she must have come from behind him and thrown him off. It would have been so fast that he never even noticed what happened. He wouldn't have screamed, no one would have heard him. He would have been too shocked to swim to the top, he's not strong enough to anyway.

"Sam saw his chair on the cliff on his way to work, he did CPR on him. He was breathing when the ambulance arrived. Sam had called the rest of the pack but they couldn't find her. She managed to escape, I don't know how though. It's the pack, Bells. The pack…."

"Has he woken up?"

"No. They say he will though, they just don't know what his…condition will be."

I had no idea what to say, but "I told you so" was strong in my mind. I hadn't wanted to be close to Jacob because I didn't want him to get hurt and now he had. Not directly though, but it was a two for one type thing for Victoria. Jacob got hurt and was urged not to pursue her and because Jacob was hurt, I was hurt and anything to prolong my pain was great in Victoria's books.

But I could tell him "I told you so" I had a heart and that heart cared deeply for Jacob. I couldn't bear seeing him in this much pain. I let go of his hand briefly and leaned into the arm of the couch, I pulled him with me and he laid his head down in my lap. I wrapped my arms around him the best I could, "Go to sleep Jacob. I'll wake you up when Billy does, we'll figure this out together. I promise."

I didn't have to wait too long to drift off to sleep because within minutes Jacob's snores filled the room creating a weird harmony with the beeping of Billy's heart monitor.

**AN:** 9 reviews for chapter 11 and 140 hits… my math doesn't suck that much you guys! Like, seriously, review and you get quotes. It's low and it's bribery… good thing I never said I'm against stuff like that. That and reviews remind me that I need to post the next chapter, that's why it's been so long since I updated. See, not reviewing has consequences!


	13. Bella: Memory vs Truth

"_Memory is a complicated thing, a relative to truth, but not its twin."_

_BARBARA KINGSOLVER_

_**Cupid's Chokehold; Chapter Thirteen. Bella.**_

Charlie and I brought Jacob to our house for dinner; I had made the hardiest meal I could within the small window of time Jacob had given me before he demanded to go back to the hospital. As the meatloaf and vegetables baked I sat with Jacob in the quiet living room while Charlie did paperwork in his room. I didn't want to give myself too much credit but Jake seemed to be more at ease when I was sitting with him, and while I knew I had homework to do in order to make up for the missed day, I simply couldn't bring myself to leave Jacob by himself.

He needed me, just like I had needed him. I couldn't even imagine how he had suffered when he had helped me out. I suddenly felt selfish and guilty for even having the thought of leaving him run through my mind. We didn't talk while we sat on the couch and he didn't say anything when I got up and made him a heaping plate of meatloaf, cooked carrots and baked potatoes. I brought over three sodas, two for him and one for me, and picked off his plate a little, "Did you want ketchup?"

He shook his head and continued eating mechanically.

I wanted to cry for Jake, but I knew that was the last thing he would want right now. The ringing phone made us both jump up to answer it, Jacob's legs intertwining with mine made us both fall down. Jake wrapped his arms around my waist and did his best to fall on his back instead of falling on me. He looked up at me, staring, quiet and expressionless.

"You should get that, I'll clean up the mess," I said, looking over at the food that had been spilled on the floor. I sat on the floor picking up the spilled food and tried to listen to Jacob's conversation. All I could make out were hushed sounds and his heavy footsteps.

I had all the food picked up from the floor when Jacob came back into the room. I looked up, "He's awake," was all he said. I let out a huge sigh of relief that I hadn't known I was holding. "Could I get a ride down there?"

"Of course, let me go tell Charlie I'm leaving," he nodded and turned around running his fingers through his hair. I went upstairs and informed Charlie that I was heading back to the hospital.

The drive was silent until we reached the entrance, when I reached for my seatbelt Jake stopped me. He got out of the car and walked over to the other side of the car and opened my door, "I think I'm going to spend the night or at least stay as long as they'll let me. I can run home if they kick me out."

"You know you can call me, Jake, if you need a ride."

"I don't want to wake you up, I'm gonna try and stay as long as they'll let me."

"You can wake me up, Jacob," I grabbed his hand and held on to it, "You lost sleep for me when I needed you, I can lose sleep for you."

Jake bent down and kissed my forehead, "I love you, Bells," I closed my eyes tightly and bit my lip, but I knew I had to respond.

"Love you too, Jake."

&

Even though the phone was next to my bed the entire night I never heard it ring and I hoped that it was because Jake hadn't called rather than his being stubborn and running back home. Sure, it wasn't that hard for him what with his abilities, but I wanted to help him out.

I seemed to have a terrible knack of getting involved with people who benefited in no way from me.

I spent the day working around the house on various projects, I couldn't focus too much on any one thing because my mind kept drifting back to Jacob. It didn't take long for me to punch his number into the phone and wait for him to pick up. As the phone rang I realized that I would just end up leaving a message since Jake would still be at the hospital. I was about to hang up when Jacob's deep voice interrupted the dial tone.

"Hello?"

"Jake," I was surprised that he had gotten back home and I was ready to chastise him about running home but he spoke before I could.

"Sam came to see how Dad was doing this morning and forced me to come back to the house today." Why was it that Sam could force Jake to do something and I couldn't even impress upon him that his needing a ride home came before my sleep? Jake must have sensed my curiosity because he continued, "Sam's the alpha in the pack; what he says goes."

I nodded my head and then rolled my eyes realizing once again that he couldn't see me nodding my head, "Oh." There was a long pause before either of us spoke again, "So, how is Billy? He's doing well, I hope."

"He's okay. He wasn't in the best of health to begin with, but he's awake. Well, he was when I got there. He was asleep when I left though, don't know why he's still tired," if I closed my eyes I could see the anguish on his face, I wished that I was at the hospital so I could hold his hand through it, "Bella…"

"Yeah Jake?"

"He doesn't remember a lot of things," his voice was quiet, as if he couldn't find the strength to say the rest of the words that he needed to say.

"What doesn't he remember?"

"Werewolves and vampires," of all the things for him to forget this piece of information was probably the worst. Having Jake in the house and not knowing about werewolves would cause too many questions.

"What are you going to do?" I knew how hard keeping secrets could get.

"I'm not sure. I mean, what he doesn't know won't hurt him, right?"

"Jacob, he knew about vampires and werewolves and Victoria attacked him. What's a little lost knowledge to her?"

"I don't need him to worry."

"He's going to be confused, Jake! He's not going to understand why you're gone so much."

"I can make up a story, Bella! Isn't that what you do?" there was an unintentional bite in his tone.

"I'm sorry, Jake."

"Bells, I just don't think he can handle something like that right now. He can't seem to remember why he's here."

The line was quiet for some time. I heard Jacob sigh, "I'm gonna go, Bells. I'll see you later. I love you."

"Love you too, Jake."

**AN: **So, we're getting dangerously close to the point where I no longer have new chapters to post. I'm hoping I can drag this out to Thanksgiving break and write a chapter or two then which will last me till Winter Break when I'll be able to write some more. Not sure, but fingers crossed. This is chapter 13 and I'm working on 20. Just to give you a perspective of my writer's block I've been working on 20 since August 10. Thank you _Breaking Dawn_. I will finish this, I absolutely promise you on the three page outline that I seem to deviate from so often. I just need to get back on track and work!

**Also:** I just realized how boring this chapter was. Sorry!


	14. Jacob: The Rub

"_When you're away I'm restless, lonely, wretched, dejected; only here's the rub, my darling dear, I feel the same when you're near."_

_SAMUEL HOFFENSTEIN_

SATURDAY, APRIL 15

_**Cupid's Chokehold; Chapter Fourteen. Jacob.**_

I hung the phone up after talking to Bella. I hated disagreeing with her, but no matter what the words were it was soothing to hear her voice. I looked around the house, it was quiet and dark without Dad moving around. I fell onto the couch and picked up the remote, I flipped through the channels pointlessly. It was just a blur of colors and noise at this moment, my mind was too swamped with what was going to happen to my dad to pay attention to… _Good Eats_. Bella would like this show.

As much as she thought that telling Dad about werewolves and vampires would do him some good, she simply didn't see the bigger picture. Of course, she hadn't been to see him since he woke up. He really was in terrible condition.

A knock at the door startled me out of my reverie and I shut the TV off to get up to ask the intruder to go away. It was late and I didn't want to have to talk to anyone. I opened the door and all resentment I felt fled my system; it was Bella. Her hair was pulled up into a knot on the top of her head and she dressed as if she had put on the first things she found this morning. She smelled faintly of Lysol and Windex.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"You shouldn't have to be by yourself right now. I know I wouldn't want to be by myself and I'm not going to let you be by yourself. So, could I come in? Have you had dinner yet?" she kept running her hands through her hair and tugging down on the few short strands that missed her matted knot of curls on the crown of her head.

Why did things have to be so complicated with us? A few weeks ago she would have just run in her and wrapped her arms around me, a few weeks ago this wouldn't have been so hard. I had to go and mess it up though, would it have been smarter to not tell her a thing about the imprinting? Would it have been easier to let her discover it all by herself? Who was I kidding; Bella hated secrets. No good could have come out of a relationship based on secrets.

I placed my hands on her shoulders and pulled her into the house, I kept my hand on her shoulder as I went to the hallway to turn up the thermostat. The house was perfectly fine for me but I knew once Bella took off her jacket the chill air would get to her quickly.

"I haven't had dinner yet, do you wanna order something? The menus are on top of the fridge," she looked over towards the fridge, the menus were well out of her reach. She smiled back at me.

"I can make something, Jake."

"Come on, I don't want to put you out. Besides, I kinda just want to have the food come to the door. I hadn't planned on moving from the couch until visiting hours tomorrow. I didn't know you were going to come by."

"You shouldn't be by yourself right now," she took her jacket off and set it on one of the dining chairs. "Does Chinese sound good?" she went off to the fridge and stood on her toes trying to reach the stack of menus Dad and I kept up there. I smiled and lifted her up so she could grab the menus. I let her slide back down and kept her close, her bare skin felt cool against my hands. Cool and lovely. "Jacob, please let me go," her voice was quiet and reserved. While I knew I had pushed it too far I wouldn't take it back for anything.

"Chinese sounds great. Any preferences?"

"Extra egg rolls and lots of sweet and sour chicken." She went over to the couch and curled up with the beige blanket.

When the food arrived I placed the cartons on the in table in front of the couch, "Do you want to use plates?"

"Not if you don't," she picked up a pair of chop sticks and carton of chicken and began eating. She pointed to the TV, "Food network okay?"

"Of course," I sat down next to her and picked up the beef and broccoli.

"Can we go see Billy tomorrow?"

"Of course," I needed Bella to understand how seriously damaged Billy's memory was. I had told her about him not remembering about werewolves and vampires, but I really hadn't told her the half of it.

I finished off the cartons of food as Bella watched the end of some movie that we had caught the end of. After the credits finished rolling the station went blank and fuzzy, but Bella's hand remained still on the remote. I looked over at her, her eyes were closed and her face was peaceful. For the second time tonight I smiled at her, I pulled her into my arms. She wrapped her hands around my neck and nestled her head into my shoulder. "No. The cows want the marzipan. Please give it back to them!" I couldn't help but laugh at the gibberish that came out of her when she was sleeping. I wanted to hold her like this through out the night more than anything.

I carried her into my room and sat her down on my bed, I stood back up but her hands stayed around my neck. She shifted a little as if she woke up. "Please don't leave me alone, not tonight." I tried to pull back in shock, but either her grip was strong enough that I couldn't pull out of it or I couldn't bring myself to lose the close contact she had engaged. It wouldn't take a genius to figure out which one was the answer. I contemplated on the consequences of Bella waking up next to me tomorrow morning. Surely she would believe the truth; certainly she wouldn't believe that I would push her so far as to sleep in the same bed as her without her consent.

I looked down at her face, her eyebrows and forehead were scrunched together in determination and I knew I could resist, no matter how much she yelled in the morning.

I picked her back up and held her close to my chest and I settled down into the mattress and pulled the covers around her making sure she was completely covered. It wouldn't take long for her to push them off, but for now I wanted her to be as comfortable as possible.

She seemed at peace in my arms, her legs straddled my waist and her arms were now wrapped around my shoulders with her head lolling next to them. I kissed her cheek and closed my eyes to join her in her peaceful slumber.

**AN: **Say it with me now: Awwwwww!

Sorry for the long wait, life caught up (homework, failed midterms, food poisoning- life sucks.) I'll do my best to update soon. I have a break coming up soon so hopefully I'll get something written then, if not I have my winter break coming up soon and while it looks like I will be moving then I will hopefully be able to write something!

Check out the new link on my profile; I've been making icons!


	15. Bella: Sleep

"_Sleep… Oh! how I loathe those little slices of death…"_

_HENRY WADSWORTH LONGFELLOW_

_**Cupid's Chokehold; Chapter Fifteen. Bella.**_

I was standing next to the flaming stove watching the left over Chinese food sizzle in the grease. Every nerve in my body was tingling with electricity anxious for the moment Jacob woke up from his deep slumber. I had no idea how we had ended up in the compromising position that we did but bearing in mind that I was the one who fell asleep on the couch and not in Jacob's bed wrapped up in his arms I was sure he had something to do with it.

Did he think that my unconscious state meant that my rules didn't exist? How exactly could he be so inconsiderate as to take advantage of my kindness like that? I simply wasn't ready to share a bed with him, never mind that we were clothed. I came over to try and comfort him as a friend and only a friend and if he was going to continue pushing my limits with his moves then perhaps we couldn't be friends. Forget trying to protect him, I had to protect my sanity first. And Jacob certainly was driving me insane, both mentally and cardio-ly. On the one hand, I desperately wanted to give into his advances. Jake did make me very happy. But on the other hand I didn't want him to get hurt by being so close with me.

As I stirred the vegetables up I heard movement from Jake's room and braced myself for what I was about to say. I had to inform him that the guidelines I had informed him of were strict rules I needed him to stick to if this relationship was going to persist. I set the wooden spoon down and walked towards the sound of his feet padding down the hallway. "Jacob," I began, he looked up from the floorboards and I caught my tongue. He looked like crap. I couldn't do this to him, how could I be so selfish as to believe that I could just burden him with what was on my mind. "Do you want some coffee?" Right now needed to be about Jacob, when Billy got better I would sit Jacob down at talk to him about our friendship.

"I'd love some, Bells. Did you sleep okay?"

I did. In fact, that had been the best night of sleep I had had in a long time. I nodded and busied myself with making coffee for the two of us, "How'd you sleep?"

"Okay." He sat down at the table and began to tilt the chair back.

"You'll break it." The chair thudded back down onto the ground.

"Sorry, Mom," Jacob taunted. I rolled my eyes but continued to cook up the leftovers.

"Jake, do you remember much of your mom?" I asked him as I plated the food.

"Sure, she only passed away a few years ago. When I was ten. It was a car accident."

"Yeah, I think I remember Charlie saying something about that awhile ago. I'm sorry," I set the two plates on the table and sat down next to Jake.

"Oh, Bells. It's okay. It was such a long time ago, I've dealt with it," despite his words I reached out and grabbed hold his hand that was bringing the food to his mouth. Although I knew the day would come I couldn't imagine losing either of my parents so early in life.

With one last tight squeeze I loosened my grip on his hand, but his held fast. I tugged and my hand came loose and Jake's coffee cup crumbled. Pain surged through me, not physical pain, but mental pain.

"Jake, I'm sorry. I just—I just can't do _that_ when it means something else to you."

"Bells, no, I'm sorry. I know—it means nothing—it just—feels _good_," his face was a mix of pleasure and pain. I didn't know what to say. Jake had to know that I didn't hate him, that wasn't why I couldn't hold his hand. I did love him, I just wasn't _in_ love with him. That stupid two letter preposition meant everything to me, it was that fine line between what I wanted and what Jacob wanted. That one word separated us and pained us.

My throat cracked and I dug my fingernails into my palms in hope of stopping what was coming. "I'm going to go. Uhm, go to the bathroom."

I stumbled out of my chair and walked into the bathroom and cried into a towel in hopes that Jake wouldn't hear me.

&

We walked into the hospital. Jake made no more attempts to pick of my hand again but as we walked through the brightly lit hallway we bumped shoulders and brushed our knuckles against each other. I'd be lying if I said I didn't like the way his hand felt against mine.

I shook the problems of prepositions away as we got closer to Billy's room I became apprehensive, seeing Billy asleep had been hard but seeing him awake was going to be a lot harder if what Jacob said was true. I had no idea what we were going to do with him, especially now that we knew that Victoria felt like Jake's family was open game. The hospital would only keep him for so long, after that who knew?

I wasn't sure Jacob would be okay with Billy staying home by himself and I knew I wasn't okay with Jacob missing school to take care of Billy. Family or not, education was important.

We had reached the large white door and Jake stopped in front of it causing me to bump into his arm, "You okay, Jake?"

"Yeah," I didn't buy it. Jake opened the door and let me in, even though I didn't want to go in first. In the past few months I had grown to care for Billy but I was afraid of the state he would be in. I knew that physically he would look fine, but mentally…. the problem was that I could deal with any physical problems, it was the mental problems I wasn't so sure of. Which was silly and selfish of me since Billy and Jake had both dealt with me when I had my fair share of mental problems.

I brushed my fears aside and stood next to the door until Jacob walked to his father's bedside and took his hand. Billy's eyes were closed and I had assumed that he was asleep, but at Jake's touch Billy's wise eyes sprung open. His eyes were cloudy, but when they landed in Jake and I they were uncharacteristically bright and youthful.

"Jake! Bella! I'm so glad that you could make it! You really didn't have to, I'm sure you're busy today. Don't you two have class today, don't be playing hooky for me! Bella, come here!" I took note of the startled look on my face and did my best to wipe it off. I had never seen Billy so cheerful before and I had certainly never seen someone who was in a hospital so cheerful either. I looked to Jacob who just shrugged. I walked over to Billy's bedside next to Jacob and Billy took my hand, for someone who had spent far too long under water recently his grip was surprisingly strong.

"Jacob, what happened to her ring?" I unconsciously flexed my left ring finger which was stuck in Billy's grasp.

Jacob bent down and whispered, "He thinks we're married. He thinks we're both in college."

I smiled down at Billy, but inside I was fuming, "Billy, is it alright if I steal Jacob for a moment and talk to him outside?"

"I thought I told you to call me Dad and who am I to say what a wife can't do with their husband?" he smiled and nodded at us. I ground my teeth together, I did not want to be thinking about what a husband and wife did together, especially in terms of Jacob. With his hand still in mine I pulled him out the door and into the hallway. I looked around to make sure it was completely empty before speaking.

"Married? You knew he thought we were married and you let him think that? You didn't correct him? This is worse than the"—I lowered my voice—"vampires and werewolves. Do you realize how hard it's going to be to tell him that we aren't married, that we aren't even seeing each other? That we are still high school students? What were you thinking Jacob?"

He dropped my hand and put both of his on my shoulders, making sure he had my complete attention. "Bells, before he woke up the doctor told me that if he did wake up there was a chance that he would die within the next month. He's awake now and the doctor's are doing their best, but he was sick before that vampire tried to kill him. Someone healthy could have survived that fall and all that time in the water, Bells, but Dad had a lot of internal bleeding. And his diabetes doesn't help it.

"When he woke up he asked me where my wife was, where you were. He asked me how college was going. Bella, after making sure you are happy, healthy and safe, I want that exact same thing for my father. I know my father wanted nothing more than to see me go off to college, get an education and start a family. If he dies I want him to die believing I did just that, I want him to be happy. I failed at keeping him safe and healthy, but with a little help from you I can ensure his happiness."

We were both crying. Big, silent tears were falling down our faces in the middle of the stark white hall. I looked away for a moment taking in the framed abstract painting that matched the flecks that covered the dingy white tiles.

"Please, Bella? I'll owe you forever. All I ask is that you wear the ring around him, I just want to make sure he's happy. I have to cut down on the confusion for him."

"Stop making me feel guilty," I mumbled. I would agree to this for Billy, not for Jacob. Although I knew he would get enjoyment out of seeing the ring on my finger. "So, where's my ring?"

Before he answered my question he gathered me in a hug, "Thank you Bella. I owe you forever. You get infinite age points," he pulled away and kissed my forehead, "I have my mother's ring at home, I know that's what my father expects you to wear. I'll say you left it on the kitchen sink. I love you, Bells. I owe you, whatever you want, for forever."

"Love you too Jake, but I thought you already owed me forever or something like that…what with the whole imprinting thing," I smiled up at him, waiting to see his own lips crack into a smile, maybe even a laugh.

He leaned forward a little and wrapped his arms around my neck and crossed his wrists behind me, he looked away for a bit. Wherever he was in his head, he was not in the hospital. When he looked back his lips, which had been set in a firm line, that matched the one across his forehead, for too long, were turned up and a sparkle of something was back in his eyes.

"Come on, Bella. Let's go back in," he slipped an arm down to my waist and walked me back into Billy's hospital room.


	16. Bella: Run Away

**ACTUALLY READ THIS ONE:: **I hadn't planned to update so soon but I was reading over chapter 15 when I realized I screwed up. Major !shit! moment. Chapter 15 has been edited. Jake and Bella never held hands. Ever. Sorry. Go reread it if you want to, it's only a few paragraphs that have been changed. I'm so sorry and I'll be sure to read the chapters before posting them.

* * *

**edit&&**

"Oh, Bells. It's okay. It was such a long time ago, I've dealt with it," despite his words I reached out and grabbed hold his hand that was bringing the food to his mouth. Although I knew the day would come I couldn't imagine losing either of my parents so early in life.

With one last tight squeeze I loosened my grip on his hand, but his held fast. I tugged and my hand came loose and Jake's coffee cup crumbled. Pain surged through me, not physical pain, but mental pain.

"Jake, I'm sorry. I just—I just can't do _that_ when it means something else to you."

"Bells, no, I'm sorry. I know—it means nothing—it just—feels _good_," his face was a mix of pleasure and pain. I didn't know what to say. Jake had to know that I didn't hate him, that wasn't why I couldn't hold his hand. I did love him, I just wasn't _in_ love with him. That stupid two letter preposition meant everything to me, it was that fine line between what I wanted and what Jacob wanted. That one word separated us and pained us.

My throat cracked and I dug my fingernails into my palms in hope of stopping what was coming. "I'm going to go. Uhm, go to the bathroom."

I stumbled out of my chair and walked into the bathroom and cried into a towel in hopes that Jake wouldn't hear me.

* * *

"_It's not hard to find the truth, what is hard is not to run away from it once you have found it."_

_UNKNOWN_

_**Cupid's Chokehold; Chapter Sixteen. Bella.**_

The rest of the hospital visit went well, with both of us being forced to think on our feet when Billy asked us questions that we didn't have answers to. We both choked on our own spit when he asked about children, "Dad, we want to wait till we both graduate," Jake said quickly.

It was dark when we left the hospital and I groaned as I slid into the cold interior of Jake's car. "That was exhausting, Jake," I slumped to the side and leaned against his shoulder. I turned my cheek closer to his arm, which was bare and warm. Jake reached into the backseat and found a big sweatshirt, which he wrapped around to my shoulder that was still exposed to the cold air of the car.

"You're home Bella," Jake's voice interrupted the void I had fallen into at some point in the ride. I felt the car pull into a driveway, when the wheels didn't give way to the gravel I opened my eyes and looked around. We were at my home.

I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and took off my seat belt. Jake had gotten out of the car and opened my door, I let him help me out and leaned on him as we walked to the door. My legs were heavy from being sat on in the car ride and despite my deep sleep from the night before I was still sleepy. Jacob opened the door and toted me into the house, transferring me to the couch.

"Was the door open?" I asked, stretching out on the couch and pulling the blanket down on top of me.

"No, I could see the key on the doorjamb," he pulled the blanket down to cover my feet then took my shoes off for me. "You should hide it better."

"Because vamps are really hesitant when it comes to breaking locks?"

"It's not just vampires that you have to be careful of Bells."

"This is Forks, half the people here don't even lock their doors to begin with," he tucked the blanket further around me but stopped.

"Did you want me to take you upstairs?"

"No, I'll get up in a little bit…. What time is it?"

"Around 7."

"PM?" Charlie should have been home at this point. He should have been sitting on the couch waiting for me to come home and make dinner.

Jake smiled and nodded slowly, "Sleep a little too hard in the car?" He sat down next to me and began rubbing my back, I pushed his arm away though, rolled over and sat up.

"Charlie only works half days on Saturdays, then he's on-call for the rest of the weekend. It's Forks though, so he never actually gets called in. What if Victoria did something else?" I looked up at Jake, frowning. The worry lines that had begun to appear on his forehead deepened.

"Bella, almost everyone has been patrolling. We don't want what happened to Dad to happen to anyone else. There must have been a bad accident on the road; it was closed off. I had to take another route, that's why it took so long to get home. I'll stay with you until your dad gets home," he tried to comfort me by rubbing my back but once again I pushed his hand away. I got up from the couch, catching myself on Jake's knee when I tangled my legs up in the blanket. "Bells, don't worry."

"Jake, I just need to know why he's not here. What if it's him who Victoria has?" the thought finally crossed my mind and my empty stomach twisted with fear.

"I don't smell her here, Bella. I can't even smell the other vampires anymore. We don't even know if she has anyone, you said she's working at the school right now. She can't risk anyone getting suspicious. You need to stop making assumptions or else you're going to put yourself in a panic when Charlie is only going out for pizza or something."

I took a deep breath and tried to agree with Jake's logic. It _was _seven at night and it was more than possible that Charlie had gotten hungry and gone to get something to eat. I knew their weren't any leftovers in the fridge since it had been days since I last cooked, with Billy in the hospital my duties at home seemed to be getting ignored. "Okay, maybe he left a note. If there's no note I'm calling the station though."

"If there's no note I'll drive you down there myself," he seemed so certain that all would be okay in the end, but all of his friends had a sure fire way of keeping themselves safe and his family was well out of the area. "I'm going to go see if I can contact anyone, I'll just be off in the woods. Whisper my name and I'll come running."

I nodded and walked into the kitchen, I let out a sigh of relief when I saw a piece of paper on the table.

_Bella,_

_Trouble on the highway. I'll be home late. Call the station if there's an emergency and have them page me. If Jake's still there have him stay with you._

_Dad_

Something _was_ wrong. I had panicked for a reason and the fear that Jacob had reasoned away was suddenly returning. Of course I had no idea what the trouble was, but if Charlie asked that Jake stayed with me then it had to be bad.

I went back to sit on the couch and turned the TV to the main news station. I turned the volume off, as it was just the weather that was on. There were a few reasons the non-changing weather segment could be on: (1) the trouble may not have broken out to the public yet, meaning Charlie just left, (2) law enforcement may have asked the news stations to keep their lips sealed on the matter until their was more information or (3) whatever was going on really wasn't that big of a deal and I was panicking for no reason.

Jake came back into the room before I completely chewed my lip off with worry. I looked up and my hopes dropped, he was running his fingers through his hair, a sure sign of stress.

"I hate Forks," the words flew out of my mouth before I could stop myself, "You know, if I had never moved here none of this would have happened! James wouldn't have wanted to kill me, Jasper and Emmett never would have killed him and Victoria never would have wanted to kill me! Not to even mention that Edward never would have felt that he had to tear his family away from their home before they were ready!"

"Bella, darling, you don't need to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. Despite what you may believe, you can't control everyone's actions."

"It's my fault though, Jake! Whatever happened; it's my fault!"

Jake took me into his arms, not for the first time today, "Do you want to know what happened?"

"Probably not, but I'll find out once Charlie gets home. So, go ahead, hit me with it," I bit down hard, ready to hear whatever news Jake was going to tell me—terrible or devastating I was going to have to deal with it. I wrapped my fingers around Jake's shirt, which had been cold when he first walked in but had warmed up quickly next to his skin.

"A girl was killed this afternoon," my knees gave away but Jake's arms kept me up, "Everyone is saying that it was suicide; her wrists are completely ripped up, but some of the pack was down there and it was the vampire. Victoria. She fed off of the girl, but there's still enough blood on scene to have it look like a suicide. She wasn't killing to feed, she was killing to scare us—"

"Who was it? What was her name?"

"We don't know; we couldn't get close enough. She has blonde hair, but beyond that we don't know anything. It was more important to try and find Victoria, but she's clever, she got away."

My stomach twisted again with fear and I was waiting for it to just completely rip apart. I took several deep breaths as Jacob rubbed my shoulders, I couldn't let myself get worked up and torn up about something I didn't know the answer to.

"She was probably just a tourist, Bells—"

I pulled away from him and stared at him in aghast, "Like that makes it better! Just because I don't know her doesn't mean it's not as terrible! It's my fault Jacob! I'm the one who brought Victoria here, my actions did that!"

"Terrible things are going to happen, Bella."

"NO! Terrible things are having your house broken into, wrecking your car in the snow and not being able to afford to fix it. Terrible things are being snowed in or flooded out. Having a vampire suck your blood out of your veins is not terrible… it's something else. It's not supposed to happen, Jake. Or you're not supposed to know about it. Maybe it would be easier if I could believe that it was a suicide, but I know the truth."

I was on a roll and kept on going with my train of thought, "You know, all the stuff they say about truth, about how it will set you free it's all a bunch of… lies! It doesn't set you free or make your life any easier, it's hard! It's insane."

"Sometimes the only sane answer to an insane world is insanity," Jacob said slowly.

I stared at him, wryly, "Thank you, Mulder."

"Does that make you Scully?"

I sighed and went back to the couch, "No, I believe. I have to, I've seen far too much to even attempt to be skeptic about any of it. But Scully had it easy, you know. I mean, how can someone see all of this, put all the puzzle pieces together and not see this world for what it is…. completely filled with supernatural crap! I mean, how many murders and suicides have really been caused by vampires?"

I stretched out on the couch, "Jake, be honest with me… werewolves, vampires… that's all there is right? I mean, witches, leprechauns, fairies, Big Foot… those things don't exist too, right?"

Jake came and sat down next to me, pulling my head and torso onto his lap, "I don't know Bella, I can't give you an answer. Six months ago I would have told you none of this existed, so maybe there's other stuff out there. Maybe there's stuff out there that doesn't even exist in those Monster-of-the-Week shows. Whatever is out there, though, I'll protect you from it."

I sat up and looked up at Jake's stoic face, he seemed so sincere. I curled my legs underneath me and turned away from him for a moment, this day had been increasingly long and more questions and fears had come out of it then I had thought. The hour hand on the clock was only passing 8 but I was worn out and I had exhausted my resources in getting the answers I wanted.

"Jake," I spoke slowly, "I don't know what happened last night, but I trust you. I'm not—I'm not ready for a relationship, but… will you just hold me tonight? Please?" I knew that Jake wanted something else from our relationship, something that I wasn't ready to give, but I couldn't deny that last night was one of the best nights of sleep that I had had in a long time.

"Oh, of course Bella," he drew me up in his arms and I wrapped mine around his neck. We reached my room and Jake set me down and flicked the lights on, "Did you want to put on your pajamas?"

I looked down at my clothes, my clothes which I had also worn yesterday and through out the night. At this point if they got lost in the wash I wouldn't have worried. I nodded and went over to my dresser, "You know, Charlie might have something you could wear."

He smiled, already knowing the likeliness of anything of Charlie's fitting him was slim, "You get ready and I'll see if I can find something."

After pulling my pajamas out and changing into them I sat down on my bed realizing just exactly what I had asked Jake to do. The last time I had purposely fallen asleep with anyone was with Edward in September and it had meant something else entirely then. In the past few days and weeks I had felt closer to Jacob, despite the major ups and downs I had created earlier. I didn't want Jacob to be hurt, but by trying to keep him safe I had almost hurt him.

Just like Edward did with me.

I groaned and slumped down on the bed, slamming the back of my head on the window seal. I cried out in reaction, quickly sitting up and applying pressure to what was sure to be a long goose egg in the morning. I jumped when my door crashed opened and the doorknob punched a hole into the wall, Jacob stood in the doorway in a half dressed state. I had seen him shirtless before but the sudden intrusion into my room shocked me.

"I'm okay, just get me some ice. There's some frozen peas in freezer." His feet were pounding down the stairs rapidly. I worried if the fridge would tip over from the force that I heard the freezer door shut, but the cold bag of vegetables was on the back of my throbbing head and I suddenly didn't care.

"What'd you do?" he asked while climbing into my bed behind me. He relaxed onto my extra pillow and attempted to straighten out his legs, his feet quickly hit my headboard and I tried hard not to laugh. "Hm?" he nudged me for an answer.

"I hit my head on the window seal," I said halfheartedly quickly realizing _why_ I had hit my head on the blasted window seal. The nerves in my stomach was back; any more of this and I was going to forget what it was like to not have pain in my stomach.

"Forget where it was?"

"Yeah," I smiled and lied down next to him. At first I had my back next to him, his chest supporting the bag of peas but that quickly grew uncomfortable since I was doing my best not to relax my entire body next to his not to mention that I was worried he would get frost bite of some sort from the peas; he still hadn't put a shirt on. I turned over slowly and gently incase he had already fallen asleep, I could only guess how tired he was and I really didn't want to wake him up.

I let the peas slip to the ground and lost the small amount of reserve I had and placed my head against his chest. He was so warm and the house was cold since the heater hadn't been on in over 24 hours (I was pretty sure that Charlie had built up some kind of immune to the cold weather as he almost never turned it on), it was hard not to want to sink into the warmth that Jacob provided.

**AN:** This so makes up for me screwing up a plot line, right?

-nod your heads yes.


	17. Bella: Chaos

**Note:** So, I'm in the midst of finals and papers. Lots and lots of term papers. I've decided that with each paper I complete I'll upload a chapter. I have three term papers and one book report. If I can get chapter 20 written I'll post something for the book report if not... I won't post anything. I will get chapter 20 up before December ends. (There I go with promises again.) I have my last final (that I'll have to study for) on the 11th. Wish me luck. Review. Reviews will make me feel loved, feeling loved makes me want to write.

Sorry to those reviews I didn't respond. I still love you.

"_Chaos is a name for any order that produces confusion in our minds."_

_GEORGE SANTAYANA_

MONDAY, APRIL 16

_**Cupid's Chokehold; Chapter Seventeen. Bella.**_

The sky was still dark when I woke up, the realization that my covers were off and the confusing fact that I was still completely warm made me open my eyes. I shrugged my shoulders and quickly sat up when they brushed up against smooth warm skin. "Jacob!" I looked down at him and despite the sudden movement, the sun and my calling his name out he was still sleeping soundly. How could he do that?

The bed sheet had fallen down when I had sat up and I suddenly realized how absolutely cold I really was without Jacob. I bit my lip, I could get up and get dressed and start on breakfast or I could slip back down under the covers and my upper body could join my toes in the green house effect that Jacob had created in my bed. Slowly I slipped back down and rested my head on Jake's arm, I wasn't at all tired though and I couldn't bring myself to close my eyes.

I snuck my arm out from under the covers and brushed my fingers against his face. The skin beneath his eyes was smooth and malleable, a contrast against the roughness of his cheek overrun by his 5 o'clock shadow. I ran my fingers under his straight, strong jaw line and brushed my thumb against his puffy lips. He had only kissed me a week ago… and it felt like yesterday. His lips against mine was a hard feeling to forget and an easy feeling to miss. Which was why that kiss felt like yesterday.

I wasn't exactly a kiss connoisseur; Edward was the only person I had ever kissed aside from Jacob. Edward's kisses, however infrequently they happened used to make my knees shiver, my pulse race and my skin tingle. The side effects would linger for long moments afterwards and I could recall enough of the feeling to make my toes wriggle involuntarily. The only problem with Edward's kisses was that they could only go so far.

I had never thought that I would be the kind of girl to want to go beyond kissing with a guy after only one date, but if Edward had offered that first night in my room I wouldn't have had the strength or reserve in me to say no. I wouldn't have wanted to say no. But with Jacob it was different, I knew we could go that far, feelings aside on both ends. There was nothing but mutual consent stopping us… I was in control of how far Jake and I went. And after the past year's ordeal the control felt very nice.

I rested my hand on the back of his neck and curled my fingers into his hair. I may not have been tired but I was plenty comfortable again, I closed my eyes again and pushed myself further into Jake's warm hold. His arm traveled up my side, his elbow rested on my waist and his hand grasped my shoulder. Had I been claustrophobic I would have been freaking out and popping a few Xanax, but I felt incredibly safe in his close grasp...

My eyes fluttered open again moments or perhaps hours later, Jake's arm was rubbing up and down my back, "Morning beautiful."

"How long have you been awake?" I stretched and tried to be sly about moving out of his grasp. It was nice when he was asleep, but I wasn't ready to deal with the ramifications of being so close when was awake.

"Just a little bit, a few minutes maybe… I think the batteries in your alarm clock died," his arm that had become my make shift pillow flexed and I sat up and looked at my nightstand. His long finger pointed towards the blank screen on my thrift store alarm clock.

"Crap," I looked out the window and saw the sun high in the sky, "Oh, crap!" I fell out of the bed, slightly on purpose since it was the fastest way to get out of their. "We're gonna be late for school. I turned the knob on the door when I heard the door to the bathroom open and close, "Double crap," I turned around to Jacob who was still wrapped up in my covers. My mind momentarily went into a comatose state at the image he created; naked torso, legs covered by my comforter, right arm flexed hard as he held himself up and brushed his left hand through his hair. Crap, crap, _crap_!

I shook my head and tried to regain focus on the trouble at hand, "Jake, Charlie's home. Charlie has to have figured out by now that… oh, crap! What's he going to think? What are we going to do? You can't just sneak out the window, you're car is outside. Besides, Charlie asked that you stay here because of… oh my God, the girl, she's dead."

My head was being torn in too many directions as it spun and, losing all sense of North and South, I collapsed to the floor. The morning had started wonderfully, even though it had started early, and now my entire world was starting to collapse around me. Charlie was going to kill Jacob once we left this room, Victoria had killed some girl last night, and I was going to be late for school. With the exception of a vampire suddenly jumping through my window this morning couldn't get much worse.

I glanced at the wet glass.

Jake sleepily got out the bed and came over to stand in front of me, "Charlie had to have figured out where I was sleeping when he came home, the first thing he probably did was go to his room. He knew I wasn't sleeping on the couch and then I wasn't in his bed, you were scared last night, Bells, anyone would have wanted someone to stay with them through the night. It's hard to comfort someone who wasn't in the same room. Besides, unless Charlie checked in on you he doesn't even have to know that we shared the same bed _and_ it's not like we did anything. We have nothing to be guilty about. And yeah, Victoria did get a little restless yesterday so school is the least of our worries right now. Just breathe."

Breathing I could handle.


	18. Jacob: Attacks

**AN: **This is the first time I've repeated a scene from Jake's POV, but it really needed to be from his POV as well. I hope you enjoy it and it makes up for chapter 17's length.

**Edit: **Thank you to _578_ for catching my mistake. You're lovely.

* * *

"_Love is of all passions the strongest, for it attacks simultaneously the head, the heart and the senses."_

_LAO TZU_

_**Cupid's Chokehold; Chapter Eighteen. Jacob.**_

I woke up to my name being called out, it was dark and the bed, while it was cramped, it was incredibly warm and cozy. I figured Bella was just talking in her sleep again; I draped my arm around her waist and waited for her to settle back down. When she lay back down I started to fall back asleep, but when her fingers brushed against my face every nerve in my body woke up. No matter how dishonest it was I couldn't bring myself to open my eyes, once that happened she would take her fingers away.

Her fingers ran against the skin under my eyes and then onto my cheek and down my jawbone. Her fingers felt so cold on my skin that I was certain the pads of her fingers were suffering burns of some degree. Her fingers stayed under my chin has her thumb brushed against my lips. I wanted more than anything to open my eyes and kiss her senseless right than and there, but I had to resist. For the sake of whatever relationship we were forging I had to keep my eyes closed and my breathing labored. It took more power than resisting the powerful feeling of my wolf side taking over and morphing, but I somehow managed it.

She withdrew her fingers and curled them at the base of my neck. When she snuggled more into my body I finally let myself go back to sleep.

I woke up again a little later and saw Bella slowly coming out of her deep slumber, "Morning beautiful."

"How long have you been awake?" Heartbreakingly, she stretched and wriggled slightly away from me.

"Just a little bit, a few minutes maybe… I think the batteries in your alarm clock died," I looked over her head towards the blank alarm clock I had seen last night.

"Crap," she cried out, "Oh, crap!" she fell out of bed and I wasn't able to move fast enough to get her, "We're gonna be late for school." When she got to the door the cried out again, "Double crap," she looked towards me and froze. A few moments passed before she shook her head and started to talk. She spoke so fast I had to watch her lips carefully to make sense of everything she was saying, "Jake, Charlie's home. Charlie has to have figured out by now that… oh, crap! What's he going to think? What are we going to do? You can't just sneak out the window, you're car is outside. Besides, Charlie asked that you stay here because of… oh my God, the girl, she's dead."

She looked so torn standing there that it broke my already bruised heart. I slowly got out of bed, listening for each pop of my joints, "Charlie had to have figured out where I was sleeping when he came home, the first thing he probably did was go to his room. He knew I wasn't sleeping on the couch and then I wasn't in his bed, you were scared last night, Bells, anyone would have wanted someone to stay with them through the night. It's hard to comfort someone who wasn't in the same room. Besides, unless Charlie checked in on you he doesn't even have to know that we shared the same bed _and_ it's not like we did anything. We have nothing to be guilty about. And yeah, Victoria did get a little restless yesterday so school is the least of our worries right now. Just breathe.

"Let me worry about things, Bells. I want to be there for you to do that. If you won't let me love you like I want to at least let me worry for you," a strangled cry escaped her throat, "Please let me try and erase those frown lines off your pretty face."

I held my arms out, ready to accept her in a hug. I had to let her make that decision, it seemed that this was going to be one of those days that anything could set Bella off. She looked at me and then all but fell into my arms. I walked back over to her bed and leaned back on the headboard with her, I pulled the comforter up so I could tuck the entire thing around her. Several minutes passed before she sat up, she pushed her hair behind her ears and smacked her lips. I frowned and waited for her to talk, in the past week conversations that started out with deep thinking rarely ended well.

"Jacob…. I wanted to say sorry about the way I acted last week after Victoria showed up at the beach. I shouldn't have tried to push you away, it was wrong of me. I thought I was doing the right thing and I wasn't… but I should know that better than anyone! It's exactly what Edward did to me and look where that landed me… well, I mean a few months ago, back in the beginning of the year. I wasn't doing so well, Jake, but you were there. If I left you, who would be there for you? I want to keep you safe, Jacob, but if I have to hurt you to keep you safe… I don't think I can do that. I just feel like the only way for me to keep you safe is by leaving you, I can't fight for you." This was the farthest thing from the truth possible. Bella leaving me would not keep me safe, it would drive me over the edge. I'd end up jumping off one of the cliffs, "But, I care about you too much to hurt you Jacob."

I thought I went into cardiac arrest when she kissed me on the cheek, "I'm gonna go down stairs, if Charlie's still here I'm just going to act like it's a regular Monday morning," she said quietly and left the room. I sat down on the bed, unsure about whether or not I should follow her down there. I waited for the kitchen cabinets to open and close before making my way down the stairs and into the kitchen.

"Morning Charlie," he was sitting at the table, newspaper in hand.

"Good morning Jacob," I tried to figure out his tone of voice, but if anything he sounded distracted by whatever he was reading.

"You want an omelet, Jacob?" Bella asked quietly as if speaking any louder would cause Charlie to realize she was in the room if he hadn't already.

"Of course, need any help?" I walked further into the kitchen and looked behind me to see what Charlie was reading: Sports. I frowned at Bella, silently asking what Charlie's problem was. She shrugged and opened the fridge and got the eggs out.

"How many?"

"How many do you have?"

"Ten, I only need three. I can make all of them if you want," she smiled and began cracking open the eggs, already knowing my answer. "Can you get the cheese out? You can look in the veggie drawer, see if you want anything, we might have some onions or something…"

I took the ingredients out the fridge and began shredding and slicing them and scooping into what was becoming a scrambled mess.

She kept laughing as I continually bumped into her or into the exhaust fan above the stove. "Your poor head!" she cooed as we sat down at the small counter and ate our massive omelet. She slouched and sighed at the first bite, "We're going to have to make this again," she took another bite.

"Oh dear," she looked up at the clock. If I remembered correctly, she still had a few minutes till the bell rang, I on the other hand was doomed for yet another tardy. The sun had actually been out in the morning for a change and deceived us, had it not been part of nature I would have been angry at it. This week had been harrowing for Bella; she didn't need the thought of being late for school to make things worse for her. "Dad, I might need a note for school. My alarm batteries died at some point and Jake and I both stayed up late," she coughed, "because I was a freaked about last night and you being gone."

She put her fork down and bit her bottom lip, I knew she was waiting for an explanation and Charlie did too. He wasn't dense. Charlie set the paper on the table next to his cold cup of coffee and soggy cereal. With the paper down we could both see his face, he looked like death in front of a radiator. "Kids," he started, "There's no easy way to say this, but a student at your high school, Bella, was found dead last night. It appears that she committed suicide. School has been cancelled for you, Bells. Uhm, Jake, I can write you a note, I guess. Are you going to visit Billy?"

"Dad what happened?" Bella asked.

Charlie sighed and rubbed his forehead, "You'll find out soon enough I guess. A girl committed suicide out in the woods, her body was found by a tourist last night. It was Katharine Butney. Did you know her Bella? If you did—if you know anything you'll need to come down to the station to give a statement. Bella?"

I looked over at Bella and her face had fallen. I got off of the stool and went over to Bella, I wrapped my arm around her and pulled her over till she was leaning on me. She shook her head, "She was going to be valedictorian, at least that's what we all thought. She got into like all the Ivy League schools or something, too. I never really talked to her though."

"Okay, thanks," he nodded. Charlie appeared frustrated, a suicide should have been an open-and-shut case, but he just couldn't seem to let it go. The problem was that it would be better for Charlie to just let it go. Hopefully, by the time the girl's autopsy came back the pack would have killed the vampire. If Charlie could just wait until then to start asking questions then he would be safe. "Kids, I have to go into the station and do some paperwork. Jake are you going into school today?" I shook my head, what was another absence with Bella in danger and Dad being so ill? "Could you stay with Bella please?"

"Dad I can take care of myself," she turned towards me, "Jake, you don't need another absence! You're having a hard enough time."

"It doesn't matter Bells," I looked back at Charlie, "I was planning on visiting some of my friends today, Bella can come with me." Charlie frowned, I had forgotten that he didn't think very highly of my friends.

"Uhm, okay. Bells, try and call me through out the day. I'll see you two later," he went to the door, grabbed his coat and gun and then left.

Bella turned around and looked at me, putting on a brave face, "So, who are we going to visit today?"

"I thought we'd see Sam and Emily, maybe go have lunch with Dad," she nodded, her eyes still full of sorrow, "Or we could just relax and stay here. It's up to you."

"I think that would be nice."


	19. Bella: auf Wiedersehen

"_There are only two options regarding commitment. You're either in or you're out. There's no such thing as life in-between."_

_PAT RILEY_

_**Cupid's Chokehold; Chapter Nineteen. Bella.**_

While Jacob called Sam and Emily to tell them we were coming I got showered and dressed. My hair had lost all sign of highlights from the sun making it look darker than ever, which in turn made my skin look paler than ever. It wasn't Forks lack of sunlight, I had been here for a long time before my body lost it's pigment. This town was gloomy but it wasn't leaving much of an impressions. My collarbones protruded under my neck followed by bumps made by my ribs. I hadn't given myself a good look over in awhile and I was beginning to regret that I did that. I could royally screw myself over medically and cause me and my family a boatload of problems.

I had to start making changes. Of course, it was changes that got me here… they were just so hard to make consciously.

I dried off, got dressed and pulled my hair into one long braid. When I went downstairs Jake was already dressed and ready to go—and eating a sandwich. I grabbed his wrist and pulled the sandwich to my mouth, "Egg?" I swallowed the sandwich regretfully. Bread and egg should never be mixed together.

Jake's eyes twinkled in the dull light from over head, his lips turned upward into a sweet grin, "Yeah," he said softly.

"You're disgusting," I grabbed my backpack from the hallway and went to the front door. I turned around and Jake still stood there with that odd smile on his face.

"Coming?"

"Uh, yeah," in a few fast steps he was walking side-by-side next to me towards the Rabbit parked on the street. "You know that's what you get for stealing other people's food without asking," he said after finishing the last few bites of his sandwich.

"It's not stealing if I ask," I called out the door as he walked around the front to his side.

There was a pregnant pause before he spoke again, "You didn't ask." I giggled but didn't say anything. "So, where did this sudden mood change come from?" he asked after starting the car.

My smile dropped off my face, of course Jake would notice a difference, but why did he have to bring it up. He didn't bring up the ten pounds that had disappeared off my body, he did mention my depression a lot though. I just chose to ignore it. "Lots of things. Mostly what you said though; I can't control everyone's actions, Jake. And I can't take responsibility for them either! It's not fair to me, Jake. I mean, Victoria was on the loose since last spring and I've been fine since then. I mean, yeah," I shrugged, being honest, "there were some rough months. But, Jake…. I knew she was out there when we were riding motorcycles and I was happy then. Things are bad right now Jake, but I just can't let that ruin me.

"And I looked in the mirror. Why didn't you tell me I looked like Kate Moss in her bad days?"

"How'd you get so strong?"

I smiled at him, a real smile, so real that I felt it in my eyes, "I run with wolves, something was bound to wear off at some point." He took my hand in his and I looked down at them on the console. His hand was so dark, his veins made ridges out of the skin; his fingers hugged my white, limp hand possessively. I studied the tiny little stubs that remained after his hand engulfed mine. There were so many things I could do, one single movement from those five digits could make a world of a difference.

I could pull my hand away; that would be all too easy to do. I had been denying him for so long that it wouldn't be hard at all to continue on that lane. But, by doing that I was hurting him. He wasn't asking for the sun or the moon, he was just asking for me to return his feelings. It really wasn't that difficult, because I did feel something for him. I just didn't know if it was what I was supposed to feel.

Did loving a different man feel different? Because, if what I felt for Jacob was love then the answer to that question was most certainly and undeniably yes. I had a future with Jacob, he could deny me very little and because of that I could be happy, selfish as that was. With Edward, I was never very certain of where my life would end up; dead, living dead, or miserable. Or option four… with Jacob.

I looked back down at my fingers wrapped up in Jake's; finger-by-finger I wrapped them around Jake's hand. Jake squeezed my hand, but said nothing. I smiled and bit my lip, I had jumped.

I heard a far off sigh from somewhere, _just the wind, Bella_, I told myself.

After the long drive to the res we stopped in front of a quaint house. A white front, with the window and doorframes painted a bright Greek blue. The yard was cased in a white picket fence, but instead of lush green grass the sandy ground was covered in beach weeds. But rather than looking trashy and unkempt it added to the charm. A dingy grey car was sprawled on the dirt driveway. When I stepped out of Jake's car I could smell something wonderful coming from the open shutter window that must have been in the kitchen.

I grabbed my backpack from the backseat and met Jake at the small opening in the fence, "This house is adorable."

"Tell Emily; she's worked hard. This place was a disaster before the two moved in. Sam's been working hard at school and at work, but Emily's made this place a home."

We walked up the path that led from the sidewalk to the front door, had been swept daily it would have been a cute beige stone path, instead it was a sandy mess that caused me to slip a few times before reaching the door. Jake walked right into the house without knocking, the door opened into the dining room. Behind the dining room was a small set of stairs that led to a den, to the right of the dining room was an open kitchen. Jake pulled me into the kitchen and through an opening between the counter and cabinet I could see a tidy living room. A hallway in the living room led to the rest of the house.

I had seen Emily once before at the party, but had never met her. All I could see over the top of the fridge door was what looked to be a very heavy bun of dark, thick hair. "Emily, what's for lunch?" Jake asked, even though it was only ten.

"Ooof," she shut the fridge door smiling, "Jake, you surprised me! It's so nice to have you over! You must be Bella," after hugging Jake she accepted me into a hug, I timidly hugged her back. I hadn't been so accepted since my first day at Forks High School—and that had only lasted so long.

"It's nice to meet you, Emily."

"Congratulations, Em, on the engagement," Jake added, "It's great." For some reason, in that moment, he looked so much older than his 16 years.

"Thank you, Jake. We're planning on a late June wedding, I just hope all this vampire business doesn't mess it up. I don't like Sam being gone all the time," her bright smile vanished for the first time since we arrived, "He's actually out right now. I think Quil finally changed last night."

Jake groaned, "Do you know how he's taking it?"

She raised her eyebrows, "How'd _you_ take it, Jacob?"

"Yeah." He ran his fingers through his hair and walked to the doorway between the kitchen and dining room, "Does he need any help?"

"No, he called a little bit ago. He'll be home for lunch, if you wanna come back."

"Yeah, sure sure. Bells, you wanna go for a walk?"

"Uh, yeah, I guess," my mind was having such a hard time keeping up with everything.

"We won't stay and bother you, Em. We'll be back later," he walked back to the door and let me out first, "so make lots of food!" he called out. Before he shut the door I heard Emily's sprinkle of laughter.

I made an effort to eat a snack when we got back to Jake's house. "Jake, instead of going to the beach could we go work on the truck? It's due soon. I haven't even started working on the essay yet, let alone the tri-board."

"Sure Bells. All the parts came in anyway," I couldn't help but notice the hesitancy in his voice.

"I mean, I don't mean to sound selfish and I realize there are a billion other things that need to be done right now…. It can wait." I wanted to bite my tongue hard after hearing all the words that came out of it. How exactly could I be so stupid as to even suggest working on something so trivial as my Senior Project at a time like this? One of Jake's best friends was going through what was probably a pretty traumatic experience, Billy was sick and lacking consistent memories in the hospital, the senior class valedictorian was in the town morgue and there was still a vampire who wanted my blood served up warm.

I felt something vile start to rise in my throat; it was that nasty feeling you get when you realize that your life is completely in shambles. Another feeling appeared in my throat, this one very real. A terrible clogged feeling that you get right before you start to cry. I coughed, trying to get it to go away. Jake noticed when my lips began to tremble and he wrapped his arms around me. "Aw, Bells. You don't have to try and be so brave."

"I'm not brave, Jake. Not even close." It was a laugh that he could call someone like me brave. Here he was, holding me while I freaked out again, and he had all the same chaos in his life as I did _and_ the uncontrollable urge to make sure everything went fantastically for me. It wasn't at all fair that his life fell into shambles for me, but the past few weeks had shown me that there was really nothing I could do to stop that.

"Hey," he bumped me a little with his chest. He pulled my gaze up to his with his fingers under my chin. "You're still here, Bella. That's what counts." I wanted to believe him, but I wasn't so sure.

"What if I want to run? What about then?"

"Then I'll ask where you want to go."

**AN: **I love you guys. I have one more chapter till I run out. After all the typing from finals I have screwed up my wrist. I'm typing with one hand right now and I have no idea how I'm going to complete my finals, but c'est la vie and I will (have) figure it out. I have up to 24 scrupulously planned out, hopefully I'll get at least 2 chapters up before Christmas.


	20. Jacob: Fate of the World

"The individual must not merely wait and criticize, he must defend the cause the best he can. The fate of the world will be such as the world deserves."  
_ALBERT EINSTEIN_

_**Cupid's Chokehold; Chapter Twenty. Jacob.**_

Bella groaned and wrapped her arms around my waist, I felt disgusting that it made my heart surge with longing, but I couldn't exactly help myself. I hated myself for loving her so much when she barely returned the same feelings; I knew that the pressure to return them was stifling her. But, that was just my Bella being Bella. I wasn't purposefully doing anything to pressure her she was pressuring herself. If it weren't for the complaining I would have thought that she enjoyed the stress she sometimes brought onto herself.

"Don't give me that option! I might take it!"

A thought sprung to life in my mind, "Maybe you'd be safer. We could go visit your mom, she's in," I grasped for the state, "F-florida, right?"

"Jake, you know I can't do that. I'm graduating soon and, as much as I hate it, you should be here for…your…pack. It's not fair to them."

She was right, but where did my loyalty lie in the end? Could I put Bella's life at stake to help my brothers or could I put my brothers life on the line in order to protect Bella? My choice wasn't always my own these days, was this an instance where it would be made for me?

"Besides, running isn't going to help. She'll probably just find me again."

"Then we run faster," I cupped her cheek with my hand she let me. My hot skin wasn't uncomfortable; it didn't bother me in the vary least, but for some reason her skin was like a Popsicle on a summer day. Of course, she didn't melt in my hands… not like I wanted her to.

"Jake!" her hand grabbed my own, not to stop the connection though as she still held my hand tight in her own. She took a step back and stared off into the distance, her hand holding tight to her buoy. "I don't want my life to be like this! It's too stressful! It'll give me ulcers or something. I just want her gone," she wilted like a flower under a heater and I sat down next to her.

"We're working on it. We're working as hard as we can," with her hand still in mine I wrapped my other arm around her waist. Guilt spread across her face but she sunk into my shoulder.

"Oh, Jake, I didn't mean to complain or anything it's just—I don't know. It's not like I'm ungrateful for what you guys are doing, I just wish it was easier."

"We all do, Bells. Just keep in mind that we really enjoy the chase."

She groaned, "I don't want you getting—"

"Don't say it," I covered her mouth. She sighed into it and when I didn't relent she stuck her tongue out. I wiped my hand off, "Besides, Bells, I'm not going out anymore. I have strict orders, orders from Sam which means I have to follow them, to stay as close to you as possible. Charlie obviously has no problems with me staying at your house," a fact I was gleefully delighted in, "and when you go back to school I'll just stay in the parking lot."

"But that means your school work will suffer!"

"It's just my junior year, it doesn't really matter."

"That statement alone means you're not going often enough," she said dryly.

I ruffled her hair, "It doesn't matter for me, Bells. I'm tied to this land. I couldn't go away to college, even if I wanted to, which I don't."

She inched away from me as if my lack of educational drive would wear off on her, "I can't believe that you would so willingly let yourself be tied to something," she said softly.

"I'm tied to you," I spoke back, trying to steer away from college.

She drooped, I had steered away from college and crashed right into the topic Bella didn't want to acknowledge the most. "That's different, Jake," her voice was becoming impossibly soft, "I can move. This land can't."

"We've had an earthquake or two!"

My joke work, she smiled, shoved me to the side, but came with me. "You know that's not what I meant!"

"Bells, it's something I've grown up knowing. You've been told you'll go to college, for you that's your one destiny." It hurt knowing she'd be away from me, but the truth tends to do that, "I've always known I'd stay here, even last year when I was that scrawny nothing you tried so hard to flirt with, I knew I didn't want to leave here. It's a part of me," I sifted the sand between my fingers. I looked over at her, she was drawing butterfly images in the sand with her hands. _You're a part of me._

She didn't respond as if she had heard my thoughts. Seconds flitted by, minutes passed, almost an entire half hour had gone by before she spoke again. "Can we go finish the stupid truck now?"

"It's not stupid, I thought you loved that truck!"

"Oh, I do love it, doesn't mean I _like_ it right now."

&

"I think we're done," the repairs to her truck had been surprisingly easy. It was only temporary, what we had done today was only life support for the vehicle. The plug would need to be pulled soon.

"Really?" she seemed so happy at the prospect of her truck being in working order again. But, it meant Bella would have less of an inclination to see me. Unless her hands this morning and in the car meant something more than a deep sense of caring, Bella would have no real desire to see me as often as she was now. No imprint that I knew of had been this challenging before, even Sam's. Emily had felt guilty for what she was doing to Leah, but she hadn't been in love with another man when Sam had imprinted. I assumed that Bella still was in love with the leech, that had to be why—why we weren't—why she wouldn't—

I was giving myself too much credit.

"I was thinking, Bells, that maybe we could do something to, like, celebrate. A little congratulatory dinner and movie thing or something."

She turned away from me and fiddled with the based of the antenna. _Crap, I pushed_. "Dinner and a movie sounds like a date, Jake."

"It doesn't have to be."

She stood there, thinking, twisting the metal base between her fingers. Her teeth taunted me as they bit her lip. She took a deep breath and released it, "Okay, Jake. Dinner and a movie. I pay for my dinner and I pay for my ticket," she paused, considering something, "and I drive."

"Fair enough," I smiled at her and she smiled back. For just one moment things were absolutely normal. "Wanna head back over to Sam and Emily's?

"Sure."

So, it wasn't a date. And I didn't want it to be. No, I did want it to be a date. But I didn't want it to be a date until she wanted it to be a date. Bella was driving this boat, and whether or not she kept hitting sandbars and choppy water I was staying on with her.

I wasn't giving up on her.

* * *

**AN: **So, I noticed this a day too late, but as of December 4th this story was a year old. Mind you, there were months where I did very little work on it and that's the reason it's so short for a years worth of writing. As of right now this story will be around 30-35 chapters. It's been brought to my attention that I need to speed things up.

Anyway, my papers are done, my finals are all but over, my wrist is almost healed and this is the last chapter I have so I better go type fast! Hopefully I'll get another chapter up next week, though I have no promises. If I don't get another chapter up next week, expect on middle of January. Sorry!!!


	21. Jacob: Heaven to No One Else

"_I love when you smile at me, I love the way your hands reach out and hold me near… I believe this is heaven to no one else but me."_

_SARAH MCLACHLAN_

_**Cupid's Chokehold; Chapter Twenty-One. Jacob.**_

I felt like a girl. Nothing I wore felt right. I only had one pair of jeans that fit. I was seriously lacking on shirts because I kept ripping them when I changed. Shirt after shirt I put on didn't work. Too tight and too small. I finally settled on a hooded sweatshirt that appeared to fit if I kept the sleeves pushed up.

My hair was—managed. My teeth were brushed. My face was washed. My nails were clean.

I was very concerned about my testosterone.

I looked at the stovetop clock, It said 3:30, which meant 4:42 and Bella wouldn't be here till 5 pm. I picked up the phone, dialed the hospital and asked to be connected to the nurse station managing my father. His health was returning to normal, his memory wasn't. I had already been given the lecture about not enforcing the false memories he was creating, but it was too late now though. Besides, how could I resist the situation with Bella?

I hung up after the nurses informed me that Dad was sleeping and waited at the counter for the knock at the door. I heard her truck pull up, the door slam shut, her feet crunch on the gravel and up onto the wooden steps of the porch. I was out of my chair before she knocked three times on the door. I opened the door up to see my beautiful Bella standing on the rotting stoop.

"Hey Jake," she and it lit up my world. "You ready to go?"

"Yep."

I walked on the stoop and slung my arm around her shoulder. Her shoulders were neutral, right?

She shrugged my arm off and skipped over to her car. There was my answer. I was going out with her—not on a date, but doing date-like things. It seemed to be the one step forward, two steps back with my Bella.

I slid into the crunched front seat of her revived truck and she started it up. "You know what movie we're gonna see?

"Well," she smiled mischievously at me, "there's this new dog movie out…"

"Are you serious?"

"Yep."

I shook my head, of course Bells would try and make this outing as frivolous as possible. It only made sense that she would steer clear of any rom-coms _and_ try and jab at my wolf side. I'm sure she found it hilarious. "And what about dinner?"

Her smiled stumbled, "I'm not sure actually. Maybe we could just drive around and see what's around."

"Sure sure."

We drove into the city in comfortable silence, talking pointlessly about various things she had worked on in her report and what she still had to complete. I was amazed at her focus and drive. In the midst of all this chaos she was still completing her final year of school. I on the other hand had given up on school. I hadn't told Bella that I dropped out completely because I knew how furious she would be. After we killed the vampire I could re-enroll to get my diploma or I could get my GED. There were so many options beyond traditional school that I wasn't terribly worried about finishing my last two years.

I pointed to a small restaurant with Bella's name in it, cheesy, but maybe it could get her to smile. "What about that one?"

Instead of a smile her face grew dark and she drew into herself. She took one hand off the steering wheel and held it over her middle as if to hold something in. I mentally kicked myself. Whatever I had done, whatever I had said, suggesting that restaurant—whatever it was—I had screwed up. I should have known better. Maybe a normal guy wouldn't be able to know something like that, but I should, I was her imprint! I instinctively should have known that she wouldn't want to go there. I was such a failure.

"No Jake, it's okay," I knew she couldn't read my mind, so my emotions much have been plainly written on my face, "It's just that the last time I went there I got a really bad case of… food poisoning. It lasted a really long time. It still makes my stomach hurt."

She was a terrible liar. "Sorry, how about-" the only other restaurant I could see was a fast food chain "-McDonalds?"

She sniffled and smiled, "That sounds great, actually. Dine-in or drive-thru? We could sneak it into the theater," that mischievous gleam was back in her.

"Sure, Bells, let's go break some rules."

We ordered the food and shoved it into her bag before heading off into the movies. The show was lighthearted and not something I would normally choose, but Bella seemed to enjoy it. She kept looking up at me as if to gage my reaction. I raised an eyebrow at her and then stole some of her fries. Was this her way of trying to tell me that she was okay with my whole wolf side or was I looking into it a little too deeply? Maybe she just thought it was a cute movie.

Despite what appeared to be Bella accepting me and what came with me, I kept my hands to myself. I saw other couples cuddled together, holding hands, sharing kisses. It pained me not to be able to do those things with Bella. our time would come. It had to, I had never heard of imprints not being together.

I didn't want to be the first.

As the lights came up Bella looked at me, "Well?"

"I thinking I lost IQ points during that one."

She laughed and I picked up our bag and trash. We walked out of the theatre and into the dim light of the evening.

"Hey! Hey! Hey Bella!" Someone called out from behind us. We turned around to the toeheaded boy we had seen the zombie movie with, he was running towards us with his arms running wildly towards us. "Hey Bella!"

Bella folded her arms around herself and responded with a meager, "Hi."

"Cashing in on your free day, Bella?"

Bella shrugged, "I guess. I didn't really think of it that way. That's a weird way to put it. I mean, Katherine died."

"Yeah, that's too bad. I wonder who will be valedictorian now."

This girl had just died and the kid was concerned about how his graduation ceremony was going to go off.

Unphased by Bella's stunned silence he continued, "You James right?"

Bella stiffened and shoved her hand into her pocked, I wrapped my arm around Bella. She was obviously uncomfortable. Surprisingly she leaned into me and Mike stepped away.

"Jacob," we both clarified.

"Oh, right," he responded, but he didn't seem to really be interested in getting my name right.

"We just had dinner and a movie, but Dad wants me home soon. He's feeling a little weird with Katherine's—death. We had the same birthday."

"I thought Kat was born in June."

"Nope, September baby, just like me. I need to go Mike. Sorry, I'll see you tomorrow."

Mike seemed offended, but didn't say anything. I took half a step forward and he backed off. "Yeah, see you tomorrow."

Bella and I walked back to her truck and my arm stayed around her waist.

**AN:** Hey, sorry about the long wait. Not only was I in Denver with no wireless (everyone protects theirs with passwords there, silly geese) but two days before Christmas my computer crashed.

I was trying to fix it via DOS/Command Line craziness… but my computer wasn't having it. I wrote two chapters out by hand, about 25 written pages. I got my computer back on the fourth and got it up and running today. I'll post a super long chapter next week and hopefully post twice a month after that.

School starts for me on the 26th and all fingers crossed I'll have a job soon so I'll be super busy, but I love this story and really want it finished.


	22. Bella: Good over Evil

**AN:** Yeah, so Monday was like the longest day ever for them apparently. Sorry about that. (It's been Monday since Chapter 17!) I'm speeding things up cause I need to get to graduation. That being said… this is just the next day.

* * *

_There has to be evil so that good can prove its purity above it._

BUDDHA

TUESDAY, APRIL 17

_**Cupid's Chokehold; Chapter Twenty-Two. Bella.**_

I can't deny the pleasure it gave me to see Mike so taken aback when he saw me with Jacob. But I also count' deny the terror that fled through when I enjoyed the feeling Jake's arm around me, not just the warmth he provided, but the complete sense of being absolutely safe in his arms was something almost foreign—and something I wanted to feel again.

I dropped Jake off at his house and even though he invited me in I went straight home. I needed to finish my report while what I learned was still fresh in my head. I didn't walk Jake to his door, even though I should have. Walking him to the door would have been too much like a date and while I did my best to trust that Jake would restrain him, I wasn't sure he was making any promises tonight.

And maybe I couldn't trust myself.

&

A knock on the door woke me up in the morning.

"Yeah?" I pulled the sheets up to my chin and Charlie opened the door.

"Morning Bells. Uhm, school is back on today, I just wanted to make sure you got up," he remained in the hallway.

I sat up, "Thanks Dad," I looked at my clock, which was of course blank. "I'm going to go grocery shopping after school, anything you want for dinner?"

"You know I'm fine with whatever you make, Bells."

"'Kay," he stood in the open doorway awkwardly. "I'm gonna get dressed now."

"Oh, right," he reached into the room and quickly shut the door, I heard his footsteps down the stairs. After rolling out of bed and getting dressed, I left a message on Jake's answering machine. I explained that I was going to school today and he should visit his Dad and I would call after I got home from the store.

Charlie was still reading the paper at the table when I started to leave. "Bells?"

I turned around quickly, I really needed to leave. "Yeah, Dad?"

"Uhm, I just wanted to say that… I love you and if you… need to… talk about anything, if you need to tell me anything you can. I'm not the greatest talker… but, just know that I am here for you."

He nodded, silently telling me that he was done. I smiled. Heart-to-heart talks were not in Charlie's repertoire, this really meant something. Okay, so it wasn't winning best father speech of the year, but it was Charlie, how much could I really expect from him when it came to conversing?

I set my backpack down and walked over to him, I wrapped my arms around his stiff shoulders and hugged him. "I know, Dad. Thanks. I'm—I'm good now though. I'm happy."

"That's what I want to hear."

_I know._

I went back to the door and picked up my bag, "I love you, Dad."

"Have a good days Bells."

"I will. You too."

"OH!"

I had almost shut the door before hearing him, "Yes Dad?"

"Can you get lasagna tonight? The family box, we can take some over to Jake. That kid could eat a whole deer by himself if he could catch it," I tried not to grimace at the images going through my head. _Was_ Jake using his new found power to cut down on the money spent on meat? Ew.

"Sure Dad. Bye."

I ate breakfast at the single stoplight on my way to school, fulfilling part of my New Me Resolution.

The quad looked more like a funeral home than a high school. Most of the sutndets were in somber colors, if not black, the few in typical spring colors were clutching their coats around themselves. I looked down at what I had thrown on this morning. I wasn't one for flashy clothing, so picking out a yellow shirt was merely a fluke. I dug around the crevice behind my truck's seat, trying to find a jacket or something to cover my bright shirt with.

Fate working against me, I found no sweatshirt and guilt was beginning to build up inside me. Katherine's death was my fault. Everyone here thought it was suicide that took her life, but it wasn't. It was me and my humanness. I could blame Katherine's death all the way back to James picking up my scent on the baseball field. I could blame it on Edward. In the end though, it was my fault.

I braved whatever was going to happen and opened the truck door. Not only did the school look somber, but it sounded somber as well. There wasn't the typical laughter and yelling that happened before school, it was quiet with minimal talking, most students seemed to be waiting for classrooms to open up.

Angela and ben were sitting on a bench together, holding hands. I wasn't going to intrude but Angela lifted her head from Ben's shoulder and waved me over. I walked over to them and said hi.

"How are you?" Angela asked.

"I'm fine. Charlie seemed a little wierded out. I think he was first on scene or something."

"I'm still shocked. kat and I had almost every teacher together up until we started Forks Middle and she started talking advanced classes here. She's been taking online classes at some online college to get her general education over with. She didn't need to be here but she wanted to graduate with us."

Angela specifically looked at me, "Almost the entire senior class has been together since kindergarten. Up until 4th grade she was the only person who would go to my birthday parties," Angela looked at me again, "Mike moved here that year and had some 4th grade crush on me. In 5th grade we had to run the mile, though, Kat panced him just to embarace him for me. you know I talked to her on Thursday about her Valedictorian speech. She didn't seem like someone who was going to—" she started crying into Ben's shoulder.

Angela's brief biography of Katherin's life made me feel overwhelmed with more guilt. "They say that once they decide, they're happy. If that helps. I don't know if you could have done anything, Angela."

"Kat had nothing to be depressed about. She had perfect grades, she got into her dream school, her parents doted on her, her grandfather left her enough money for college. She's one of those people that have such a perfect life that you hate them… but Kat was so nice, you just _couldn't _hate her. She had _nothing_ to be depressed about!"

"Depression is chemical, Ang." Ben wrapped his other arm around her and hugged her. "The district brough in counselors, do you wanna go see one?"

"Yeah, will you come with me?" Ben nodded. "Bella, will you pick up my homework for me? I'm probably going to go home early."

"Sure sure. I'll bring it by your house." It was small enough school that we had all the same teachers.

"Thanks."

The bell rang as ben and Angela walked towards the office. I just hoped they didn't get an appointment with Victoria. She would be no help at all.

&

I received a note to go to the front office during 5th period. Victoria wanted to see me. I was terrified as I walked across the quad. I handed my slip to Mr. Cope, who directed me towards an open door. Victoria sat at the desk inside the small room. Even through the day was overcast she still had the blinds down and blocking out any source of natural light.

"Bella, thank you for seeing me. I'm glad you made an appointment. It's important to talk about your grief," she said all this in her sweet, syrupy, fake voice.

"I didn't make an appt-"

"Why don't you shut the door, Bella."

She couldn't kill me right now. Somehow, stuck in this room with Victoria, far away from Jake, I was safe.

"What do you want?" I grimaced. Just because she couldn't kill me didn't mean I needed to piss her off. I followed her request and shut the door.

"I just want to talk, Bella, I promise. You'll leave this room as physically healthy as when you entered it, please sit own."

I sat down in the char across from her. "It's dark in here."

"I can never be too careful, I'm not lucky enough to have someone like the little Cullen girl with me. I'm on my own," she pointed behind me. On a coat rack was a scarf, hat and umbrella. Victoria was prepared for a sunny day. "I talked with two of your friends today. I've talked with a lot of people today, they seem really torn up over that girl. It's a shame really, she was so smart. After I told her what I could do, after I showed her what I could do, she calculated how long she had til she died. It was like a nervous tick," she twirled her fingers around her head. "I looked at her file, she was planning to go to med school. She interned at the hospital last summer under some special program."

I ignored the information she was giving me, she wanted to make Katherine as real as possible for me. "What did you say to Angela?" I asked through my clenched jaw.

"Your little mess of a friend? Simply that it was all her fault," I stared at her in horror and she started laughing. "Kidding! I told her there was nothing she could do and blah, blah, blah. I can't go losing my job here, Missy. Of course, I went to UCLA, that's the best accredidation anyone here has, they wouldn't want to lose a staff member like me," my jaw loosened up and started to quaver. Why was she trying to make small talk with me? "Isn't that a kick? UCLA! It's so sunny there, although, that _is_ where your beloved is supposed to be, right? I can assure you it isn't."

I stopped her from continuing. "What do you want?"

"So impatient. We have the time," she laughed again. It was like being pelted by freezing cold rain without protection, sharp and painful, "Well, I have the time. You? You're on borrowed time dear. I wanted to inform you of my intentions, it won't hurt them in anyway if I reveal them to you. Your new found litter of puppies can't do much to hurt me, just give me and them a good run. I thought you should know, it's the least I could do before I make your life a living hell."

"I'm not afraid of you."

"Aw, you're trying to be brave. That's so cute. But pointless. I know what you want. From the minor things like AA batteries," my façade shattered to millions of pieces. Victoria knew where I lived. She was spying on me. "You want me to leave you alone. _And you want him_, but _shhhh_ don't tell. It's a secret.

"See, that's my gift Bella. I know what people want. If I had a soul, I'd want to fulfill your wants, like I did when I was human. But I'm a vampire and your little stunt you pulled last spring killed someone that I love."

"You can't love without a soul!"

"Maybe not," she grinned maliciously, "but you can still have _chemical reactions_. That's all Edward felt with you, Bella. Chemical reactions to your pretty face. It's scientifically proven that looks matter," she said this as if it made up for her lies.

"That's not true."

"You can google it, they had a whole—"

"Ed—Edward _cared_ for me. He wouldn't have let me live if he hadn't, he would have just," I shivered, "he would have just killed me when he was done with me in September."

"Of course it's true. He wanted your blood and your body. It's a curse to be beautiful, isn't it?"

"I'm not beautiful." Of course, it didn't really matter at this point, but I simply couldn't accept a compliment that wasn't true.

"I bet half the boys in this school wouldn't agree with that statement. Edward certainly wouldn't."

"Stop talking about him," it was opening up the scars that were just starting to dissapear.

"But this is all about him. He found me in South America and I figured him all out. He wanted you safe and happy. I came back to ensure that didn't happen," she leaned across the desk, "How am I doing so far?"

"I'm not afraid of you," I reiterated.

"You keep saying that, but I know you want to get out of her. You're a smart girl, you can miss a bit of class."

"I have a test on Friday and I promised Angela I would pick up her homework. I can't do that if I'm out of class."

"I'm sure Ms. Weber will understand. You've experienced a tragic loss."

"I barely knew Katherine!"

"Oh, sorry, wrong tense. But, class is almost over. You should heave to your next class."

"What do you mean tense?"

She smiled sweetly, "I can't show all my cards before you call."

"Call? You mean if I—" a plan was formulating in my head, a morbid, terrifying plan "—if I let you… kill me, you'll stop all this. You'll stop terrorizing my friends, killing my peers. You'll leave this area?"

"Bella, sweetie," she cooed, "This isn't about killing you, at least not yet. You don't get to negotiate and you aren't calling the shots. Remember that, you aren't in control."

I began to hyperventaliate. _I'm in control. I'm in control. I'm always in control._

"I think you should get back to class."

"Can I have a pass?" I asked emotionlessly.

"Of course," she pulled a yellow sheet of paper off a note pad and filled it out. "I'll see you later Bella."

With the yellow note in my hand I bolted from her office and to Ms. Cope's desk. "I'd like to go home."

"Of course, Isabella. I'll sign you out and call the chief to let him know. You drove today, right? That's your red truck, right?"

"Yes, thank you Ms. Cope."

I walked to my truck, as I started it up I saw Victoria peeking out from between her blinds. She smiled and I gave her my bravest bitch face. I'm sure it wasn't very impressive.

I drove back to the house and dialed the hospital and asked them to put Jake on the line.

"Bells, don't you have class?"

"We really need to talk, Jake."

"Lemme come get you."

"No, I need to go grocery shopping. I'll come pick you up. Can you be out front?"

"Anything for you, Bells. You call the shots, you know that, right?"

"Today, I'm not so sure Jake. I'll be there in ten minutes."

I hung up the phone and got back into the truck as I made my way to the hospital I made a promise to myself that I wasn't going to freak out about had just occured. It just wasn't going to happen.

I was strong and in control.

Maybe if I kept telling myself that it would become true.

My throat felt tight and I tried to couch. This was becoming too muchl it was tempting me to take Jake up on his offer to run. What would Victoria do then? Would she follow us, would she give up, would she continue terrorizing my friends and family? I'd stay here, I just couldn't risk something like that. When Victoria was involved nothing could end well.

Jake was outside like he promised and he hopped in the truck once it slowed down enough for him to get in.

"Bells, are you okay?"

"Dandy."

I knew he didn't believe me and I never expected him to, but this wasn't about me. It couldn't be right now, because Victoria had reminded me of something. Something Jake and I needed to discuss.

"What did we need to talk about Bella?"

"Vampires."

**AN: **2700 words. Dies of exhaustion. You wanna know why? I HAND WROTE THIS SUCKER!

I love you all, I hope you know that, and if one person complains about it being short I will go all _Pulse_ or _Ring_ or whatever that Kristen Bell horror movie was and come through the computer and kill you.

Happy reading!

PS. If the next chapter is really short, I'm really sorry!

PPS. So not edited. If things don't match up, please inform me.


	23. Edward: It might have Been

"_For all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are 'It might have been.'"_

JOHN GREENLEAF WHITTIER

MONDAY, MAY 15

_**Cupid's Chokehold; Chapter Twenty-Three. Edward.**_

Eight months had passed. Eight long and harrowing months I had spent without Bella had passed. When time is not of the essence it is a weird thing. We are in a world ruled by time and yet it meant nothing to me until Bella. Even my brief time as a human was not spent worrying about time, for who really worries about the length of the day or their life at such a young age? When Bella came in to my life however, things changed. Hours became grains in the sandglass, days shortened and weeks became moments in my memory. At the time, it would feel like eternity and yet now, I realize that was not the case. Like a child, I had wasted my short time with her.

There would never be enough time to fill by greedy want for her.

After leaving Bella I left my family as well. I was no good for them right now, maybe I would never been able to join them again. Before leaving Alice confided in me that while she hadn't been looking for Bella's future, she had seen that Victoria was planning on going back to Forks. It became my mission to track her down and destroy her, I would go to any lengths to make sure that Bella was safe. Safe from me and safe from any other dangers I had caused for her.

She was better off without me, and the hazards that I brought. I would be miserable if it meant she would be safe.

I left quickly, if I stayed to make sure she was found I would change my mind. I didn't need Alice to tell me that and Alice had told me that Bella would not act in a way that was safe towards her. But if this was the last harm that I inflicted upon her, I could be okay. Alice had said that she would be found, that she saw her at her house later on, weeping over the belongings that I had taken.

A clean break would make this easier, nothing for her to mourn over. So I took everything I could, except for her scrawl of handwriting on the page, there was nothing to prove that I had ever been in her life. Only her memories would remain and those would fade as new ones were created. I destroyed the photo negatives and removed the photos of her and myself from the package she was sending to Renee. I gathered the CD and photos and tickets and then, realized that I couldn't destroy them. I couldn't leave her with nothing, but I couldn't leave her something to obsess over.

_It will be as if I never existed._

I tucked the contents of what our relationship had produced under a floorboard and surveyed the room. Her scent would linger on the clothes I had on now, as well as in my room at home. I knew that I could tuck my head into the corner of my couch and breathe in her scent. I wouldn't be going home though, not to that one. I would dutifully follow the rest of my family to where we were now staying. I would play the good son again. Until my time here ended, which would coincide with Bella's. It was the way it had to be.

Once reuniting with my family I made no other attempts of being the good son. My piano sat untouched, my CDs unopened, I hunted only when I was forced to which usually meant Emmett would drag me into the woods and sic me on some poor animal. We chose not to enroll in school, so I was saved from being constantly truant or begging Esme to not enroll me.

A month passed by in this way. I would sit on my couch, with elbows on my knees and my head in my hands. In my perfect memory I would replay our beautiful moments together over and over again up until the three ruined everything we had. Sometimes, it could be so real that I could smell her freesia sent again and other times the memories would break me in two.

Almost a month after we left Alice had her first vision, Victoria was planning on coming back. I had a goal then and the chase was on. I followed her as far as I could, mostly on foot, mostly just missing her by a few days. The one time I ran into her was in the middle of a crowded town center, purposely on her side, most likely. It was then that I figured out everything.

After telling her to stop her endeavor I could see in her mind that she had a new goal. I only wanted Bella to be happy and safe, and she knew that, now she would do whatever she could to stop that from happening. She ran after that and I lost her trail somewhere in the Amazon.

Up until now I had stayed where I was, I couldn't go back and harm Bella and Alice hadn't called with anymore visions. She was promising that she wasn't looking but she was also open to any information coming in. Nothing was hitting her airwaves.

Eight months had passed since I was last in Forks, since I last saw Bella, since I last smelled her scent as strongly as I did in her room. I couldn't do it anymore though, I tried to be strong for her, I tried to give her a happily ever after. But I couldn't deny that she had to be in my life now.

After eight months without her, I was going back to Forks.

**AN: **Short yes, but it had to be done. When I go back and edit this story after it's complete I will elaborate on this. Mostly, I'm impatient and want to get this up. We're expecting all-day thunderstorms today so I'm posting this now before I put it off any longer and the power goes out!


	24. recap

_In every generation…_

Recently on _Cupid's Chokehold._...

After Bella discovered that Jacob was a werewolf and imprinted on her, she had a lot to figure out and Jacob, not matter how kind and gentle, wasn't making her job very easy.

"_Bells, you and Jake made up, right?" _

"_Um, yeah. I think so."_

"_Then why haven't you gone over there?" _

"_Dad, it's just different. It's just awkward, you know? He was like my best friend and then he hated me, it's just hard to get back into the swing of things, okay?"_

"_Okay. As long as nothing bad is happening."_

She tries spending time with Jake, but the feelings he has and the feelings she has might just be too much.

"_You just can't understand how this is for me. I must sound crazy, but I worry about you all the time, I think about you all the time. We went running as wolves last night and the guys kept telling me to shut up, I think I drove them nuts from thinking about you."_

"_No, Jake, I understand. You feel like without me the world won't turn, the sun won't shine and there isn't any point in life. You feel like the only reason for getting up is that there's a chance you may see me. I'm sorry Jake but, I know exactly how you feel."_

"_You really still care about him."_

"_I think I really still love him."_

Charlie seems to notice something at home, but his theories are in the wrong place.

"_I'm sorry, Bells. But, it's just weird. You know I don't have much experience with teen girls, let alone raising them. Most of the troublemakers in town are teen boys, it's hard. I can't just threaten you with a night in jail—"_

"_I wasn't aware socializing was now a crime."_

"_It's just— Bella, there's been a lot of accidents up there. People have been getting killed, ripped apart. It doesn't look like an animal did it, the guys down at the station are thinking it's some teens on drugs. They're thinking that the drugs probably originated somewhere down on the reservation—"_

"_Dad, Jake and his friends would never do anything like that!"_

"_Isabella, you aren't involved in any illegal activity, are you? I shouldn't do this, but if you just tell me where it all originated from I'll make sure your name isn't brought up on any of the files. I know it's the wrong thing to do, but you're still going through a rough patch. It wouldn't be fair to you if you slipped on your path just because of that silly boy, he's not worth ruining your life."_

"_Charlie, I swear there is nothing going on down at the reservation beyond some illegal games of poker. I know Jake and his friends look like a rough and tumble group, but they all are really good guys. They can just give the wrong impression. I'm certain they would all willingly submit to drug tests and house searches, nothing funny is going on there!"_

After some persuasion Jake gets Bella to come to a party with him down at the beach, just as friends of course, but the next day during school not everyone takes it that way,

"_So, who were you dancing with last night?" _

_He was pretty cute. Nice snag and so quick too. I don't blame you though, I'm sure it's nice to have someone there to take your mind off that nastiness that was formerly known as the autumn and winter months."_

"_Jacob and I aren't dating, we're just friends."_

"_I don't know, you two were dancing pretty close last night. I didn't know you had it in you."_

But, Bella has bigger things to worry about than misconceptions.

"_What do you need Bella?" _

"_We have a problem. There's a new vampire in town. Victoria."_

It turns out Victoria is now the counselor at Forks High, but Bella and Jake talk things out and life returns to normal, as normal was things can get. Bella asks Jake to take her cliff diving and to both of their surprise he says yes. But their adventure filled day is interrupted when the redheaded vampire shows up.

"_You move on fast, Bella. I'm a little disappointed that you've been avoiding me at school. I think we'd have so much fun in counseling, you really have a lot of problems to work out. Get your, well, ex-boyfriend to kill my lover, ditch him and find a new and equally as dangerous one. I can nearly feel all the hate coming off from him. If I didn't know any better I'd say you wanted me dead."_

Bella tries to push Jake away for his own safety, but to no avail.

"_I can't leave you, I don't want to leave you. You're my imprint! I love you more than anything in the world. If saving you means that I have to die then I'm okay with that. You're more important than food and oxygen to me. Victoria came onto our land, she's a threat to us now. And now that the Cullen's are gone Forks is our territory as well, if she's in that town we have every right to protect it's citizens. Tough luck Bella, but you're stuck with me."_

"_I don't want to be stuck with you, if you stay with me you're either going to die or push me away when you're through. That's just how it works with me, spare me the pain, all right?"_

Desperately, Jake pulls Bella into a kiss.

"_It wasn't that bad."_

A week after Victoria frightens the two at the beach she attacks Billy by pushing him off the cliff and into the water. His memory has weakened and he somehow has it in his head that Jake and Bella are older and married, much to Bella's displeasure and Jake's silent delight. Bella goes over to Jake's house to console him one night and falls asleep with him, she isn't sure how to handle it in the morning because she isn't exactly angry, just a bit confused. After a visit to the hospital, Bella and Jake return to her house to find a note from Charlie.

_Trouble on the highway. I'll be home late. Call the station if there's an emergency and have them page me. If Jake's still there have him stay with you._

Jake, more than willingly, spends the night with Bella only to have her wake up terrified and guilty over the event from the night before. When Charlie returns home he informs them that a Forks High student was killed. FH valedictorian Katherine Butney was found dead in the woods, it appeared that she had slashed her writs, but Jake and Bella both knew better. Victoria was hitting closer and closer to home.

Bella realizes she needs to be strong. She's gonna get herself better. In the car ride to La Push she bravely returns Jake's grasp when he holds her hand.

"_How'd you get so strong?"_

"_I run with wolves, something was bound to wear off at some point."_

With their day off Jake and Bella finish the work on the truck and go out on a date. Just as friends.

The next day at school Victoria calls Bella into her office and reveals everything. Almost everything.

"_This is all about him. He found me in South America and I figured him all out. He wanted you safe and happy. I came back to ensure that didn't happen. How am I doing so far?"_

Bella runs to Jacob once she can get free and decides to tell Jake everything she knows, everything that can help.

At this same time, Edward decides to come back.

**AN: **This is for **jazztasticness** who was up front about being so conufused about where this story has been so far. I did my best to give the main points of the story. Also, if anyone can tell me where my quote up top comes from I'll give you a cookie. And a cookie means a quote from the next chapter. I'm posting this now in hopes that I can get myself to write and post a chapter before Monday morning.


	25. Bella: Fire Kisses

**Dedicated To**:** gabijaluvs2rite2** who was awesome enough to tell me up front that my story was getting boring.

"_O love, O fire! once he drew  
With one long kiss my whole soul through  
My lips, as sunlight drinketh dew."_

LORD ALFRED TENNYSON

_**Cupid's Chokehold; Chapter Twenty-Four. Bella.**_

I hated every moment of talking to Jake. I hated divulging the secrets of the Cullens. I hated telling him about their powers and about everything that had happened since that night with Edward in Port Angeles. But, he had to know. It wasn't like there was a how-to guide on how to kill vampires and any information I had could be of some help.

I felt guilty for telling Jake the information. The Cullens had trusted me with their secret and here I was piping off the information over the thick crust pizza Jake had picked out.

"The Cullens are good though, Jake. Not the vampires people need protected from. They aren't the evil kind of vampires."

"They hurt you, human or vampire, it means they're evil."

"It wasn't— they had to leave. They couldn't help it." I never had figured out why they had left with Edward. It made sense as a story, what kind of 17-year-old human son just leaves the family? But, why didn't any of them say goodbye? A clean break, that's what Edward wanted for me. But, what about closure?

"Bells—"

"Jake, could we just drop it?"

He sighed, he obviously didn't want to stop talking about it, but I just wasn't in the mood to defend the Cullens right now. I wasn't in the mood to do much of anything. "Of course, Bella."

"Thanks Jake," I leaned into him and his arm went around my waist.

"I love you, Bells. Remember that?"

"Of course, Jake. Love you." He squeezed my waist, but left it at that. "I should get home Jake, before it gets too late. Maybe you should go visit Billy or spend some time with Quil; he might appreciate it. He probably needs someone to talk to, a good friend or something."

"Bells, I don't want to leave you alone, especially after what the vampire pulled today."

I just needed some time to think things through, to be by myself. "Jake, I'll be fine. You can circle the perimeter or whatever, I'll leave my window open and you can come in then." I hadn't left my window open in awhile, after Edward left I had kept it locked very tight. "Just be quiet, Charlie was okay with last night—at least he hasn't said anything, I haven't seen him since this morning—but tonight might be a little different."

I heard him growl and I raised my eyebrows, it sounded so animalistic.

"Geez, Jake, you gonna piss on my leg next?" I tried to smile at him, to show him that it was okay.

He groaned this time.

"I'm going to go now. Charlie might try to heat something up in the microwave if I leave him there long enough. He thinks that the metal in the microwave thing is a myth."

"Fine, Bells. I'll go talk with Quil, if he's even calmed down enough. I need to take a run anyway." He helped me off the couch and held my hand as he walked me to the door.

"Have fun tonight." He hugged me tight and I easily melted into the warmth, I felt so safe here, especially compared to the cold breeze coming off of the beach.

"Be safe, Bella," he whispered into my ear and kissed my temple.

A shudder ran through my spine as a brief memory hit me, I smiled through it and clutched Jake's hand harder before letting go and heading to my truck.

Charlie hadn't attempted dinner by the time I got home, so I threw in something into the oven for him and went up stairs to sift through the homework. I left Angela a message saying sorry for not dropping hers off. I would have to do that tomorrow. The oven beeped and Charlie called up that he would get it, which was good because I was already half asleep on my bed. With dinner taken care of I gave into the pull and fell fast asleep.

&

I was in Phoenix again and at the community pool I went to a few times. The heat was so intense that the steam was rising off the pavement just a few feet ahead of me. I couldn't see anything I needed. It was like a sauna. The sun was smoldering on my skin and I only wanted to get my water bottle and guzzle it down then jump in the pool to relax the horrible sensations. I just couldn't draw in a deep enough breath to do any of those things. My short breath froze when I felt a cold sensation wrap around my torso. Sweet relief for my skin, but my eyes and throat were still burning and useless.

"Bella!" If I could just get to that voice I knew it would help me. A loud noise startled me and I turned to my right. When I opened my eyes I was awake and in the arms of a cold angel.

My room was dense with smoke. Oh my god! I could hear the wood crackling from the fire and the smell was horrid. I couldn't identify it but it had to be one of the material burning, maybe the linoleum in the kitchen.

"Bella, don't breathe too deep."

A sweet smelling shirt was placed over my mouth and nose and my skin was suddenly against even more cold. Oh God. I felt the angel and I going down the stairs and then into the fresh air of the outside. The grass was dewy under my hot skin when I was sat down on the grass.

"Bella!" It was new voice, a voice of a savior. I tried to open my eyes, but they felt goopy. Warm fingers brushed against my eyelids, "Bella! It's okay."

I heard sirens off in the distance. Red was flashing against my still closed eyelids but I could feel someone close. I grabbed onto the person's shirt, "Charlie! Charlie's still in there!" I opened my eyes and saw light and dark.

Edward and Jacob.

Edward was back in Forks and that sent my mind reeling, until Jacob stood up in a flash and ran into the house. I inched myself up and saw that the house was slowly being engulfed into flames. Fire was coming out of the windows of Charlie's bedroom and I could see the garage had already been taken over. The front door slammed open and I saw the wallpaper melting off the walls. Charlie had made it out of the house, without Jake though.

A fire truck and ambulance showed up and the men worked in some preplanned choreography, the EMTs looking over Charlie's singed body, but leaving me alone after taking a few looks at Edward.

"They must have passed each other, Jake is still in there." The kitchen roof collapsed. Something screeched, Edward held me close to him and I uselessly attempted to push him away. "I need to go get Jake, he could be hurt."

"Bella, no! You could die." I barely felt his grip, but it was still strong enough to keep me from going in.

"Edward! Please! Don't let Jake die!"

"You want me to go back in there for Jacob?" He looked at me incredulously. I stopped struggling and looked at him, this house could kill him. The _fire_ could kill him and I wanted Edward to go in there to save Jacob.

"I'd never forgive you if he died," my own voice was dead as I articulated my threat. I heard him growl, but he let go of me and I disappeared into the house. One of the EMTs came towards me, carrying a large bag. He meticulously started looking over me, I pushed him away, "GET AWAY FROM ME!"

"Miss—"

"No!" I pushed against him; he seemed content that my insistence meant I was okay for now. I obviously wasn't bleeding and nothing seemed broken. I looked back to Charlie who was still being treated. The front door flew open again, this time coming off its hinges and landing on the front porch, the only thing in the house that wasn't on fire yet. Edward was haphazardly holding Jake in a, fittingly, fireman's hold. Jake seemed to be unconscious because he wasn't fighting Edward. My heart thundered in my chest, he didn't appear to burnt but I knew that most people who died in a fire died from smoke inhalation and not the fire himself. If Jake died… I had no plan C. Jake had been my plan B, the plan worked for me. It was the right path for me, I would be completely lost if I went off this path.

Edward dropped Jake arbitrarily next to me, he landed on the ground with a short thud and Edward stood there, waiting for me to say something. He wouldn't be getting anything from me until I knew Jake was alive.

I pulled myself over to Jake and straddled his waist. My hands ran up and down his chest, it was warmer than usual from the fire but I could feel the shallow movement from his breathing. "Oh, Thank God." I leaned down and pressed my hand against his cheek, "Jake. Jake. Jake." I continued my mantra as I brushed against him. I leaned closer, my right hand on his cheek my left in his hair that I could feel was brittle from the heat of the fire. My lips ran over his forehead, his temple, his chin, the bridge of his nose. "Jake, you can't leave me." He coughed. "Jake, I love you. _I _love you. _I love you_. I love you, Jake. You can't leave me now."

He coughed again, "Kiss me," he sounded parched.

"Jake?" I couldn't be sure if he was really awake.

"Kiss me," his eyes were still closed but I saw his chin move up, a small grin on the corners of his lips. "Kiss me."

I laughed. Jake was awake and feeling pretty good. I brought my lips slowly from his temple, to his eyebrow, to the corner of his eye, down the side of his strong and straight nose, the stubble covered skin below his nose, the corner of his smiling lips. One hand touched the bare skin behind my knee and the other rested on the small of my back.

I spoke against his lips, "You can't die on me, Jake; I love you."

"Kiss me then." I moved centimeters and kissed his lips, my heart thudded against my chest again, but not in anxiety. My body was overwhelmed and my breathing shortened, despite not actually working vigorously. His lips were so soft and warm beneath mine and even though my skin was singed from the heat of the flames, it still felt amazing. His lips moved slowly under mine before I pulled back enough to speak.

"I love you Jake."

"I love you too, Bella," that communication was enough for him though and his hand that was on my back moved up to my neck, a sound escaped from me when it brushed my shirt up and moved against my skin. He wrapped his fingers into my ponied hair and pushed me back down to his lips.

I felt a fire light within me that had nothing to do with my burning home.

**AN:** You can't deny the chapter was worth the wait (that's really being full of myself) but it's not like I could do much of anything. I'll try and get something up soon, I started working and after two days my wrist has started acting up again. :c

Just to give credit where credit is due, the "kiss me" thing is inspired by _Casper Meets Wendy_ when at the end Wendy goes "hug me" to her aunts in order to wake her up. I love that movie.


	26. Bella: Home

**AN: **posted without the benefit of spell-check because sometimes you just need to get things off your plate. Long AN at the bottom, please read if you want my sincerest apologies.

* * *

"_After wandering through many other homes and houses, I have returned to my own home and I have found what I was longing for."_

SRI GURU GRANTH SAHIB

TUESDAY, MAY 16

_**Cupid's Chokehold; Chapter Twenty-Five. Bella.**_

"This is ridiculous Jake," I continued breathing in whatever treatment the medics had given me on the way to the hospital. Jake was supposed to be doing the same, but had said that he didn't need it. He explained that he healed faster, just as he showed me when he cut himself with knife; he said that he applied to internal organs as well but I wasn't completely sure. "I wasn't in the house that long, I feel fine. We should just check on your father and go home—" I stopped.

Home.

I didn't have a home anymore; the tiny white house that had become my home in the past two years was no longer there. After Charlie, Jake and I had been in the hospital for a few hours, Sam had come back and reported that there was too much damage sustained to the house and that it would have to be demolished, at least what little was left of it. Charlie wanted to go and check on the damage, see what could be salvaged. Sam convinced him that could be done in a few days and the guys down there were saving what they could, anyway.

After several pointed looks at Jake, Sam left to go back and supervise what was going on. The few nurses on staff continued coming in and checking us, waiting for burns to appear or something. They kept saying how lucky we were, every time Charlie would run his hands through his hair and agreeing. Jake and I didn't say anything. Charlie was called out to fill out some paperwork.

"What'd Sam tell you?" I asked Jake quietly, the door was still open and I didn't want anyone to overhear our conversation.

Jake gave me a curious look, "What do you mean?"

"He looked at you, can't you communicate," I motioned to my head, not sure of the terminology, "you know, between the other wolves?"

"Only when in we're in wolf form, Bells."

"Oh…"

"But I'm sure Sam does want to talk to me. This fire probably isn't a coincidence. The smoke was strong when I was there, but Sam said that her scent came from the north. He's thinking she's stays out of range unless she's needed at the school, she doesn't work a full week, does she?"

"No, none of the counselors do."

"She's figured out how to cover her tracks, she only comes in when she needs to," Jake trailed off. Maybe not knowing what else to say, or maybe not wanting to say what else there was to say. Victoria had figured it out. She had the perfect plan, completely infallible. It wasn't right. Evil wasn't supposed to win, but what other choice did we have? Should we wave the white flag or fight the good fight because that's what we're supposed to do?

It was all so pointless.

There was a knock at the door and a middle-aged nurse walked in, "You're Jacob Black, right?" She had a southern accent and seemed genuinely sorry about whatever she was about to tell us. I braced myself for the worst, but couldn't imagine what that could even be.

Jake nodded and stood up, pressing his hands against his thighs for help. He _was_ hurting. I hated that it was my fault, but I hated it more that he lied to me about it. If he was hurt he needed to rest, not try and save me from what I was now feeling.

"Yeah, I'm Jacob. What is it?"

"Your father, William Black, he's ready to be discharged," she had relayed the message. She broke some sort of nurse posture and leaned against the doorframe, "I know this is such a terrible time for you, honey, I really am sorry. We just all feel it'll be better for him at home, in a familiar area. His memory still isn't intact—well, one of the doctor's will talk to you about all that when you come and get him. They'll want to talk to you about treatment and maybe some therapy. Would you be able to come back around noon?"

Jake ran his fingers through his hair, it was getting longer again, the way I liked. The way he had it before life became so difficult. "Yeah, of course I can come back around noon. It'll be great to have him back home."

"That's wonderful. Now, if you all need some help the hospital has some great programs for at-home care and some support groups for kids in situations like yours—" how much about us did she really know "—I'll be up front at the desk, I can put together some brochures if you'd like."

"That'd be great." The nurse walked out of the room, shut the door and Jake turned around. He looked dead in the eyes.

"It _will _be nice to have Billy back home, Jake." I tried to reiterate what he had told the nurse. It would be nice for Jake to have Billy back at home. It must be lonely there, sure he had his wolf brothers but that couldn't be the same as blood family. Although, most of his brothers were related in some form or another.

"Yeah, of course, it will. It's just a lot to take in. And it'll make the house really crowded."

"What do you mean, Jake? The two of you fit in perfectly fine before Victoria attacked him."

Jake looked up, his eyes were alive again, not carefree, but I had to take what I could get. He rushed over to me and sat back down next to me, slowly again. He really was hurt. "Bella, I think you and Charlie should come live on the rez for a while. At least till something comes up. It'd be a commute for Charlie, but I don't want you guys to have to live in some hotel room and it'll be safer for you. I'd be able to keep an eye you more often." I couldn't exactly fight his statement; I needed a few extra eyes on me in order to keep me in one piece. Last night proved that, but I wasn't ready to talk about that and I didn't think Jake was either. "And perhaps we could discuss that kiss." Well, he was certainly ready to talk about _that_.

"Maybe…" I quickly sidestepped, "That's just a lot to put on you Jake, I mean, it'll be hard enough with Billy coming back home. I don't want to be a burden. Charlie's the police chief, that's practically mayor in Forks. The community's probably doing something to help right now." That was taking a huge leap of faith and probably making to many assumptions, but I really didn't want to be a burden on Jake. I'd rather sleep in a motel room than be another thing on his plate.

He turned in the seat and placed his hands on my neck, cupping my chin and forcing me to look at him. "Bells, when are you going to understand that you will never be a burden for me? No matter what I have to do for you, I will do it gladly and happily. I would walk over hot coals with a smile for you, Bella. Rest on a bed of needles, swim through shark infested water,_ anything._"

"That's part of the imprint thing, huh?'

"Yeah."

I shrugged, "It just doesn't seem fair. Could you say no to anything I asked you to do?"

"I don't know, Bella. I don't think I'd want to. If it made you happy or safe, I'd do it. Please try to understand that."

"I understand it, Jake. I just don't like it. I don't want to be the one taking away your freewill," I grabbed his wrists and tried to take them off my face. They were so warm and it was making it hard for me to focus.

"You're not taking it away, Bella. You're will is my will."

I stared at him, that was my point. I wanted Jake to do things and make decisions because of something inside of him, not based on how they would affect me. "That's—" before I could say more he drew a breath to disagree with whatever I said. "Maybe we should agree to disagree."

"I'd rather not disagree with you, Bella, but if it makes you happy."

He smiled when I groaned and I knew he was joking.

* * *

"Jake, you're sure this is okay?" Charlie asked as we pulled up to his house. Sam had dropped the truck off; the tires on Charlie's cruiser had melted from the heat of the fire. We were packed like sardines in the front seat, but there was something safe in my truck. Something secure. After leaving the hospital we stopped by the station where they were collecting the few things that survived the fire, almost everything was singed and in need of repair. My truck was one of the only things I really had now….

"Of course Charlie. I know my dad would want you guys to stay with us, I wouldn't want to hear the wrath of him if I let you guys stay somewhere else." They had both gotten out of the truck and I watched the two of them from inside the still warm cab. Everything was so different. Charlie and Jake continued to talk, smiling and laughing, although tired. Charlie slapped Jake's arm good-naturedly, when they talked and laughed Jake leaned in towards Charlie and Charlie did the same. The two liked each other; it was as if they were almost friends.

After a few moments passed, Jake turned towards me and held his hand out to help me out of the truck. Charlie stumbled over some words and went towards the back of the truck to get a bag of groceries out. "Thank you."

Jake kissed my temple, but I pushed him away. "Let's talk later, things just keep getting weirder. I need some control and this," I gestured to the two of us, "is where I'm taking it," Charlie was preoccupied with a loose brick on the main walkway to the house, "I love you," I whispered quietly, "I really do. I realized that. But—" it started to rain, this conversation would have to wait "—could we please talk later?"

"Whatever you want, Bella." He wrapped his arm around my shoulder, keeping me warm from the chill coming off the ocean that the truck had been blocking earlier. "Dad, is there a game or something on, right now?"

"There's always a game on, Bells," he laughed. Laughter seemed to be foreshadowing that things would return to normal. As normal as possible, at least. That was really nice to know.

"Well, Jake has to go pick up Billy at noon…. I'll make you guys an early lunch and you could watch the game?" Jake unlocked the front door and let me go in first. I took off the hospital issued sweater and set it on the chair.

"Sounds great, Bells." Comfortable as ever, Charlie went to the couch and picked up the remote—and stared at it.

"He might need help, Jake," he looked down at me with questioning eyes. I didn't want Jake to think that I was trying to get rid of him, so, with Charlie completely enthralled with the cable remote I stood on my tip toes, pulled Jake down by his neck and kissed him soundly. "I'll bring over your lunch in a few minutes. Did you want me to go with you to pick up your dad?"

He was dazed, but he still answered, "Nah, I'll just go by myself. You should be the one hanging out with Charlie. You guys probably have stuff to figure out. Let me know how I can help."

I smiled and nodded.

* * *

After his third helping of the deli selections I put out for lunch, Jake left to pick up Billy. Charlie flipped through the channels and I tidied up the house as best I could. Jake was a lot of wonderful things, housekeeper he was not though. It was unbelievable and a little scary. Old plates, dirty towels, a few shredded shirts I hope Charlie didn't notice on the way in.

I grabbed some lunch when my stomach began to growl. I curled up on the couch opposite of Charlie; he turned the volume down on the TV and fidgeted a bit. He patted his legs to a beat in his head and then rubbed his hands together.

"How was the game?" I started.

"We're losing, we had everything going for us but the other team has some great strategy going on," that was an analogy if I ever heard one. More fidgeting followed the silence, until, "Are you and Jake—" he trailed off, but I didn't answer. "Are you and Jake…. I don't know," he ran his hands through his hair. I hadn't noticed how grey it had gotten since I moved here. "Are you and Jake dating?"

I took a breath. I wasn't sure I was ready to answer that. I knew that loved Jake. I knew that I loved him very much and that I was _in _love with him, did that mean we were dating? We're we going to go to the movies and old hands, share a bucket of popcorn, kiss in the back row? Despite my past experience, I didn't really know how to do the dating thing. Edward didn't really do the whole boyfriend thing. And of course, Edward being back made this whole thing more complicated.

I would have loved to pretend that it was all a dream, Edward especially, not just the fire. I would be thankful for it being a delusion. Things didn't work out like that for me, never easy and always confusing.

"I'm not sure Dad," it was the only answer I could really give and still be completely honest.

"Well, I just want you to know that I think Jake is a good man. He's good for you and I trust him, much better than Edward was." I cringed at the insult. I wasn't at the point of throwing insults at him. I would probably never be at the point where I could hate him, a piece of me would always care for him and I would have to figure out how to work around that. "But, it does look like we might be staying here for a little bit and I don't know what 'I'm not sure' means for you kids these days, but I want no funny business from either of you. Fred Doogle, the realtor in town said we could use one his houses until we figured out what we wanted to do and if you and Jake—I'll take Doogle up on his offer if I need to."

"Dad, no—funny business. I promise."

"Kay…. So, did you want to go out for dinner or…"

"I can make dinner."

"Sounds good," he said quickly and then picked up the remote. He turned the volume up and went back to the game. I half-heartedly watched the game, but none of it really made sense to me. It felt nice though, just spending time with Charlie.

Someone knocked on the door and I got up from the couch to answer, Charlie never even budged. I peaked out the window and saw Angela standing on the porch with an open cardboard box. She was looking around and tipping back and forth on her heels. I opened the door, "Hey, Angela. How are you?"

It had only been a little over a month since her friend had died. It was easy to forget that in the chaos of the past day. Dwelling on all of it made my head hurt and my shoulders ache, like I was channeling Atlas or something. Everything had been so quiet since Katherine died. Was that Victoria's plan? Make me feel safe and calm, and then jack my adrenaline back up. It was sick and twisted and totally up her alley.

"I'm fine. How are you? How's Chief Swan?"

"I don't know. It's hard to process. Not really real, I guess. I think we're all trying to think about it."

"I can't even imagine. One of the nurses said you two are staying here until something comes up."

"Yeah, I think it's just easier. I don't think Charlie likes it, being dependent but it's this or use a house from Fred Doogle, the realtor, and it wouldn't come with any furniture. Most of ours didn't make it."

"You have to depend on someone in times like these. It's just the way it is. I know it's not the same, but last month win Kat died, I don't know I would have done with out Ben. I mean, my parents were helpful but it's not the same," Angela shrugged and smiled her sweet smile.

"Did you want to come in?" I motioned to the inside of the house which was closer to being tidy, but I wasn't sure things in here could ever become organized.

"Actually, I need to head back home to help out. I just wanted to drop off these clothes. There's stuff in for both you and Charlie. Dad asked me to drop off some of the donations we normally send to the Salvation Army, but the only stuff that would have fit you was from Jessica and Lauren. I can't even imagine what they would say. It's just some of my stuff, hopefully it'll fit well enough until you can head to the store."

I was surprised at her generosity. It was one thing to bring donations, but a complete other to bring in clothes from her own closet. "Ang, wow! Thank you! I'll totally bring these back to you once I get some new clothes. I don't know when I'll be able to, but—"

"Don't worry about it, Bella. I mean, if my house burnt down I'd want someone to bring me clothes or whatever I didn't have…" she held the box out to me and I took it. "Uhm, will you be at school tomorrow?"

"Oh, wow," I hadn't even thought about school. I wasn't sure I wanted to face Victoria. There were so many things she could do, but taking away my home was low—and very effective. "I don't know, to be honest. Probably not."

Angela didn't seem surprised, "Well, I'll bring your homework out to you if you're not there."

"Thank you Angela, I don't know what I'd do with out you."

Angela turned around when Jake's Rabbit pulled into the drive way and he got out of the car. He still looked so tired. Angela turned back to smile at me, "I think you would manage."

I shrugged, "Maybe," I smiled too, mostly against my will. The tugging felt nice. "I'll see you later." Angela nodded and quickly gave me a hug before heading back to her car.

I walked out after Angela and met Jake in front of the car. I grabbed his wrist; the warmth was comforting even in the mild weather. I looked at Billy in the front seat of the car, his head was back against the seat and his eyes were closed. The curtains were shut in the house. "Can I do anything to help?" I pulled him down to give him a quick kiss, it was brief but his hands bunched in my hair and he held me tight against him. He pulled back but left his hands around me.

"There's a bag and a folder in the back, could you bring it in? It's in the backseat."

"Of course," the front door creaked open and Jake dropped his hands from where they were. I smiled at him, I was sorry for not being able to commit so fully to us but I wasn't sure how to go about it. "Sorry," I whispered, stepping back a bit.

"Jake," Charlie called out, "You need any help?"

"I got it, could you just make sure the path to Dad's room is clear?" He called back to him. I grabbed the stuff from the back seat and watched Jake as he robotically took out the wheelchair and helped Billy into it. It was so hard seeing Billy look so weak and frail. It was difficult seeing anyone like that, but knowing that it could have been prevented… that was hard. Jake was doing everything so automatically; it was hard to imagine how responsible Jake had had to be at such a young age. Last year, I hadn't thought much of Jake. Someone I hung out with when I was younger and things like gender and age weren't important, someone who led a carefree life. It wasn't exactly true.

He pushed Billy up the homemade ramp and into the house. I set the bag and folder down on the table and leafed through the manila file: reports, prescriptions, research and brochures. There would be a lot of reading tonight. I needed to help Jake out as much as possible, it was right for him to have to deal with this much.

"Dad, you wanna go to bed right now? Or do you want to watch TV? Sounds like Charlie has a game on…"

Billy looked around, "Did you paint while I was gone?"

The room was the same dingy color it had always been.

"Dad, the only difference in the house is that there might be a few more dirty dishes."

"Are you sure…. I thought…."

"No, Dad. You're just confused." Billy's face was still contorted in confusion. In just one accident, his life had been changed forever. As Jake got him settled in I sat down and leafed through the papers. In the beginning, the doctors had thought that Billy would recover. Besides being confined to a wheel chair he was in pretty decent health. But as time went on, the reports grew more dismal… _patient shows no signs of memory recovery… no improvement in memory…_ The doctors had all thought he would come back from this with few problems… but there were always problems with Victoria.

* * *

**AN: **Darlings, I am so terribly sorry for the long wait. After my last chapter I started a new job and while it didn't take up a lot of time (16 hours, M-F) it did mean I had less time and unfortunately that meant that something(s) had to go. I've finished two books since March and this is the first thing I've written since starting work. (Last year I read 4 to 5 books a month.) This semester was very hard on my and that contributed to only posting one chapter this semester. I am very, very sorry. School is out and while I will be working about 20 hours a week I will not be taking any classes. I desperately need a break.

I had intended this chapter to be longer with one more scene but I realized that scene needs to be written from Jacob's POV before I write Bella's POV and I wanted to get this chapter up as soon as possible. This chapter is still the longest yet. I think the next two will be shorter, but I will also try to get on top of my writing so the breaks aren't as long. I also hope to be wrapping up this story this summer… it'll be a year old soon.

Again, I am very sorry for the very long wait. If I could have done anything to change it, I would have, unfortunately, sometimes you just have to realize that school, income, sleep and health come before writing.


	27. Jacob: Fear, Itself

"_Fear, like pain, can be controlled."_

JOSS WHEDON

_**Cupid's Chokehold; Chapter Twenty-Six. Jacob.**_

I helped Dad into bed around 4:30. He used to be such a night owl, now he was an early bird.

It had been such a long day and I hadn't really gotten any sleep since failing so miserably at saving Bella. I would never let myself live that down. What was wrong with me? I was supposed to be superior to the bloodsuckers, I was supposed to be able to eat them breakfast and yet one had to come and save my Bella. And the one that was the cause of all this shit in the first place.

I wanted to go talk to Sam, see what he said about all this and what he thought about the possibility of more vampires being in the area. If the Cullens were back we wouldn't be able to go into Forks anymore and I couldn't bring myself to leave Bella unprotected. Not that I was doing a good job of it anyway. I couldn't leave Bella alone right now though. We needed to talk—about a lot of things—and I didn't want to leave her responsible for my dad. That was my job, just as it had been since my sister's left.

I could hear Bella in the kitchen, maybe starting dinner and went in to join her and enjoy being around her. Besides her, the house was quiet; Charlie had gone into the station to do paperwork regarding his about to be completely demolished house. I had driven by it after picking up Dad. There wasn't much left and mostly the firefighters were dousing it in water to stop in more flames from sprouting. Dad didn't even mention the burnt Swan house.

The meeting had been long at the hospital and sometimes hard to follow. I had never been a good student and I really wasn't one of those people obsessed with medical shows, not that I had time to watch any sort of show these days anyway. None of the information they gave me was new, they had no other ideas besides expensive and time consuming therapy. I hated not being able to fix this.

Bella had stopped what she was doing in the kitchen and was looking at me silently. I wanted to ask why everything was piling up right now, but we both knew the answer. This was all caused by Victoria. It was goal. Why kill the victim off quickly when you can mess with their mind and make them miserable and kill them off later? It was all about drawing out the pain and suffering. The only kink in her plan was that I wasn't going to let her kill Bella and I was going to try my hardest to not let her make her miserable. I was failing pretty well so far, but I could make it better. I at least had to try.

I watched as her face fell into despair and it broke my heart, with my imprints life in shambles and my father slowly dying, it wasn't that hard. I held out my arms to her and she accepted the embrace, she wrapped her arms around my waist and I held her close to me. Her skin seemed so cool on top of mine; it was so refreshing. I had to wonder if her cool skin felt so wonderful because she was my imprint or because my skin was so warm. I couldn't recall feeling this way when I touched over humans, though those touches never meant what these ones did.

I could feel her tears on my shit, "Aren't you breaking inside, Jake?"

Yes.

I couldn't lie to her, but I also couldn't tell her the truth. "A little, but I'm fighting back. We can't let that bitch win, I'm not going to let her. I don't want you to get hurt." She couldn't fight it, so I had to. It was as simple as that. Of course, I couldn't tell her that because then the cycle would repeat. I would be just like that other vampire and I couldn't let that happen either. But, she was just so fragile. I was beginning to understand where he was coming from.

"I'm not going to get hurt!"

I laughed, mostly because that's all there was to do. "Bells, you get hurt from tying your shoes."

"That's not true!" I gave her a look, "It was once—and I was, what, seven?"

"You got your finger stuck and gave yourself rope burn!"

She looked hurt, "But I recovered!"

She did. Charlie washed it off and put a band-aid on it, even though it didn't need it. Band-aids had that quality, the one that could heal anything and make it feel better. It was ridiculous, but I wanted to be her band-aid. I looked her straight in the eye, "You can't recover from a vampire attack, Bella—" although, her history said otherwise—"not now."

"And what about you? What happens when you get hurt? If you—"she began to cry—" if you _die_, so will I. I can't go back to what I was, Jake." If I left her, she would be like she was when the vampire left her. She would go back to being a zombie. "Whether I die of a broken heart or I die because I kill myself, I will die. I can't take being without you."

"I'm not going to die, Bells. And you aren't going to kill yourself, that's an order!" Hearing her say these things scared me.

"Your orders don't work on me, Jake."

They don't work on anyone—and that was my choice. Sam could have the responsibility to order everyone around and them follow what he said. I was okay with that.

But I wasn't okay with what Bella was saying.

"Sorry. Here, I won't die, you won't die. Deal?"

She rolled her eyes, but walked back into my embrace and tucked her into the crook of my shoulder and neck. She sighed, "Deal. I just don't want you doing anything stupid."

Lightening the situation, I said, "Aw, Bells! You know all my actions are fully planned and thought out before hand."

She gave me a wry look and turned back into the kitchen to continue her cooking. Billy had already eaten an early dinner and Charlie still wasn't here.

"Are you hungry, Bella?"

"No. I know you are though and Charlie will be when he gets home."

"I'm fine and Charlie can make his own dinner. You should sleep," I turned the stove and oven off again and tugged on her hand to take her to my room, I could take the couch until otherwise. She didn't argue until we had reached the door way of my small room. She looked at the bed that took up the majority of the room.

"Jake, I'm scared."

Did she think I was trying to pressure her into— into doing something?

"Bella, you know you're the one steering this tug boat. This is all you. I'm not trying to make you do anything you don't want to—"

"Jake, I'm not talking about sex!" She looked at me as if to say, _You're such a guy! _but I couldn't help that. "The last time I went to sleep I woke up to find my entire house burning down and having my ass saved by someone I thought I was never going to see again." She took a deep breath. "I'm just a little tentative about going to sleep again."

"I'll stay with you, nothing bad will happen to you."

"I'd like that," she said quietly.

It'd be nice if I could say I was above all teenage hormone stupidity, but the thought of sex did not cross my mind. Bella, in my bed, it was all too tempting and perfect. But, if she didn't want to, then I didn't want to. In theory, at least.

I tapped the door shut as she sat down on the bed. The cold ocean breeze drifted into the room when I opened the window and Bella curled into the thin sheet that was the only cover for my bed. "You don't like comforters?" she asked.

"I'm too warm. I can find my old one for you, if you want."

In the comfort of the mattress she was losing consciousness pretty quickly and with that any filter on what she said.

"It's fine. I'll be close to you. You can keep me warm."

I sat down on the bed and she immediately rolled into me, wrapping her arms around my torso. "You're like the sun Jake." I could feel her lips moving against me and I was paralyzed.

I had wanted to talk before she drifted off to sleep. I had wanted to talk to her about Edward coming back and what would happen with my father. But I couldn't bare to do that to her right now, she looked so peaceful in the twilight moments of sleep. I shifted down to put my head on the pillow and she adjusted herself, her breath tickling my collarbone.

I ran my hands through her soft hair, the curls wrapping naturally around my fingers. It was hypnotizing the way her breath and hair caressed me. It was peaceful and in my own moments of pre-sleep twilight the furthest thing on my mind was Charlie's reaction to the current sleeping situation. He would have to sleep on the couch.

**AN: **Yeah, sorry again for the wait, I didn't mean to take this long. My only excuse is my dwindling interest for Twilight. I'm a little tired of the immaturity, not of the 13-year-olds, I expect that-- I was 13 too—but of the adults. I'm just over it. Also, I've grown up and I don't really like certain aspects of characters or relationships in the books. Despite this, I will be finishing this story and perhaps moving on to AU/AH stories with plots that I know won't work with original characters for whatever reason. I am also mulling over a Buffy/Twilight crossover.

I hope to update within the next few weeks. Expect the Edward discussion and Charlie's reaction to our couple's slumbering positions.


	28. Bella: One moment is all it takes

Posted without the benefit of spell check, because who needs that little button anyway?

_It is difficult to know at what moment loves begins; it is less difficult to know that it has begun._

_HENRY WADSWORTH LONGFELLOW_

WEDNESDAY, MAY 17

_**Cupid's Chokehold; Chapter Twenty-Seven. Bella.**_

The sun was up when I opened my eyes the next day. I could hear the waves crashing on the sand and a little girl laughing down at the beach. I was warm even when a cold breeze came in to the room through the open window sending chills up my exposed arm. I pulled the thin sheet up over my shoulders and curled back in to the warmth Jacob was providing. His face was clear of lines while he slept and he looked closer to his actual age than usual. His shaggy hair was sticking up in ever direction and I smoothed it down for him. He shifted slightly so I pulled my hand away and tucked it back under the covers and close to his chest.

I liked being so close to Jake. I liked how comfortable I was, how safe I felt and how normal it seemed. This was what I was supposed to be doing at my age. Never mind the vampires and werewolves at the moment. I pressed my cheek against Jake's chest and felt it rumble.

"You awake, Bells?"

"Yeah. You?"

"My eyes are open."

"You're probably awake then."

I didn't move from where I was nestled and Jake made no attempt to move either. If it weren't for Jake's too fast metabolism we probably would have stayed there all day. And our fathers that were probably in some other part of the house, quietly discussing on how to handle this predicament.

"How did you sleep?"

I thought about it. I couldn't remember any dreams, but with the way they were going recently, that was a good thing. I couldn't remember waking up at all once I had fallen asleep. "I had a very lovely night, thank you."

"I aim to please," he had a cheeky grin plastered to his face.

"How'd you sleep?" I sat up a little and stretched out.

"Well, you talk in your sleep—"

"You knew that."

"And you kick—"

"No I don't!"

"I have bruises! And you steal the blankets."

"What do you care? You're a few degrees away from boiling water in your hand," I laughed. Jake pulled me closer and tucked his face in to the crook of my neck and shoulder. He needed to shave and his stubble was itchy against my skin.

I looked out the window, the sun was higher in the sky than when I normally woke up. It was possible that Charlie was at work or dealing with what ever needed to be done to find a new house. I didn't even know if Charlie had insurance or savings. I should probably start picking up shifts at Newton's again.

"Jake!" Billy called from the back room.

Jake cussed under his breath and got up from the bed begrudgingly. "I'll make us some breakfast," I offered.

"Thanks." He kissed my forehead before heading to the door. "I love you, Bella."

I leaned forward and grabbed his wrist before he left the room. His father called out again.

"I love you too, Jake."

He smiled and pulled me up to him. He kissed me on the lips, hard and quick.

"Scrambled eggs?" Jake asked.

"How about French Toast?"

He smiled at me, thinking something that I couldn't figure out. "How'd I get so lucky?" Billy called out again and Jake turned down the hallway and ran into his father's room.

I picked through the clothes Angela brought over and pulled on a worn out pair of jeans. I rooted through the shirts, but Angela's conservative button-ups just weren't what I was looking for. I didn't want to wear the hospital provided t-shirt again… a dark t-shirt was on the floor next to the closet. Looking in to the hallways to make sure it was clear, I brought shirt up to my nose a breathed in. It smelled like Jake, but with a little clean cotton thrown in to the mix. Smiling, I threw off the hospital shirt and pulled on Jake's. It was way to big so I pulled my hair tie out and tied the shirt up in the back.

When I walked in to the kitchen I realized that Jake had shut the door last night, but it had been open this morning. Charlie must have opened it at some point. I knew Jake and I weren't going to get away with that scot-free. I began to make the French toast, pushing whatever speech Charlie was going to bestow upon us later on. I heard Charlie on the front porch talking on the phone and took out more pieces of bread to cook up.

When they were all cooked up Jake and Billy came out from the long hallway, followed by Charlie from the front porch. "Smells great, Bells!" Charlie said approvingly, he sounded chipper but obviously very tired. I could tell that he hadn't slept well (with a peak to the living room I could see that he slept on the couch) and that he had been running his hands through his hair all morning.

"It does smell wonderful, Bella."

Billy looked at the table, I had cleared it off and covered it with a table cloth I found in one of the drawers. The toast was on a platter and powdered sugar and maple syrup were next to it. "I'm gonna go out for a little bit. I missed the sea breeze."

I tried not to be offended, but it was too hard. Billy rolled himself out of the house. When Jake, Charlie and I sat down at the table I realized Billy probably didn't care about the sleeping arrangements. It was Charlie who was going to do all the lecturing.

"Bella, I talked with the school this morning. You can stay out for the rest of the week if you need to, Ms. Cope just said to be sure to turn in your senior project on time. Did you finish that?"

I looked at my plate. The powdered sugar was mixing and melting into the syrup I had been drizzling on it. My stomach turned and I lost my appetite. "It was on the computer. I'll have to redo."

I sunk a little in my chair when I realized what I had lost. All my clothes, all my school books, the bedspread Charlie had probably spent hours considering. All of it was gone. Of course, the important things; Charlie and Jake, were perfectly fine. That was what I needed to focus on. Papers could be rewritten, books could be replaced, and clothes could be shopped for. I couldn't get another family. "It'll be fine. Maybe I left some of my notes in your shop, Jake."

"We can go check later," he nodded. I looked at him for the first time since he had sat down at the table, he looked like he was ready to go back to bed.

"Do you need a nap Jake?"

"I'm fine, Bells."

We all sat in silence until Charlie cleared his throat. "Uhm… if you two—if you two are going to, er, share a room that door needs to remain open, at all times. Do you two understand me? I understand that the sleeping arrangements leave something," he creaked his neck, "to be desired, but that is no excuse for--- for anything."

"I'm sorry, Charlie," Jake said quickly, not letting me speak, for which I was thankful for, "I always sleep with my door closed, I didn't think about."

"Just don't do it again," he stared down at his plate intensely.

"Of course not. And Charlie, that couch is a pullout. It's no Hilton mattress but it's not bad either."

Charlie blushed, "Oh."

&

After breakfast Jake went over to have a meeting with Sam and his brothers. I couldn't even imagine the chaos there. Charlie went out on the porch to finish his phone calls. The phone rang as I did the dishes. I dried my hands off on the jeans that I was wearing and picked it up.

"Black residence."

"Bella, I need to talk to you."

AN: Hey everyone! Sorry for the wait, you know the drill by now though. Unfortunately, I'm going on vacation and most likely won't be able to post anything for a month. That does not mean I won't be writing. I just won't be posting. (Most likely, if my Wi-Fi works, then there should be no problem.)

On another **very important** note, someone nominated me for the Best Jake/Bella Award at the Silent Tear Awards. You can vote on August 1 at

silent-tear-awards dot yolasite dot com

It would make me happy.


	29. Bella: ExBoyfriends for 500, Alex

**AN: **When did I get over 300 reviews? That's crazy. Thank you; I really don't deserve it since I'm such crap at updating. Thanks for putting up with me. Despite my being crap I did get nominated for an award over at silent-tear-awards, it's a "dot yolasite dot com". I would be super grateful if you guys went and voted for me, only if you feel I deserve it.

"Questions are never indiscreet, answers sometimes are."

_Oscar Wilde_

**Cupid's Chokehold; Chapter 28. Bella.**

My breath stopped in my throat.

"Edward."

"Bella, I'll like to speak to you."

Silence.

"I can't come on to the Reservation. I know I'm breaking my promise. I am very sorry for that, but considering the circumstances I would very much like to talk to you. Would you be willing to meet me? Perhaps at the diner in Forks—in public—I will buy you lunch."

I couldn't think. My breathing was shallow, my heart was working over time, my hands were sweating and having a hard time gripping the phone

"Edward." My voice was barely above a whisper, but I knew he heard it. He mumbled under his breath and my weak human ears couldn't make out the words. My knees were quaking underneath me. I gripped the cold counter while my free hand but my palms couldn't grip it and I slipped to the floor. I laid the phone on the worn grey carpet and looked at the fibers. This couldn't be happening. I could Edward calling my name on the phone.

Jacob would not be happy. He would be angry and hurt, but sometimes it was easier to ask for forgiveness than permission. This was definitely one of those times. I had questions that only Edward could answer. I wanted to know he had come back; had Alice seen the fire? Why didn't he get there sooner? Why had he come back at all? What were his intentions now? And I could I get him to end this thing with Victoria? I felt far more comfortable letting Edward fight her than Jacob. I knew a vampire could a vampire down but I wasn't certain about a werewolf taking a vampire down. I couldn't be positive that Jacob wasn't all confidence and no skill.

I picked up the phone and held it to my ear. "Okay," it came out in a huff, "but at the school. On the football field, on the home side stadium."

"Okay," he seemed very grateful.

&

When I parked the car in the empty school parking lot I saw Edward sitting on the first bench of the stadium, dead center. He was just as beautiful as I remember. He sat hunched over. His arms were resting on his legs and his hands were on his face. And while I was too far away to see it clearly, I knew that he was probably pinching his nose. He was wearing jeans and a charcoal wool jacket. His bronze hair was wild, but glistening from the damp outside. I wondered how long he had been out there waiting for me.

He had to have known I was here, in the parking lot. Maybe he could even sense that I was looking at him. I wanted to know why he wasn't making any indication that he knew those things though. I wanted to know a lot of things. What was going to happen now that Edward was back? Did he want me back? Was he going to try and take me away? Did he change his mind? Was he here to stop Victoria? Did he even care about that? Did he even care about me? Did he just save me because it was the right thing to do?

I'd send myself in to a panic if I sat here anymore and thought about this, out of the frying pan and in to the fire. The spring cold hit me hard as I got out of the truck. When truck door slammed shut Edward looked up from his hunched over position and looked up at me. He had to have known I was there, right? I could hardly ever surprise Edward, and even when I did he rarely showed it.

I walked towards Edward; my shoes were slipping against the wet grass. I moved slow and steady as to not trip and eat grass in front of Edward. I grabbed the railing when I came to it and went to sit down next to Edward. He was stiff and immobile, like when I first sat down next to him in Biology last year.

I sighed, my breath coming out a little heavy and uneven. "Hey," was all said, all I could say. What could I say? I shifted around, scooting away from him. The ridges of the metal stand felt weird underneath me. Quickly, I said, "You said you wanted to talk."

Almost immediately, he responded, "When did you start seeing Jacob Black?" His voice was unemotional, like he was trying to cover up his rage.

"I don't know. He never formally asked me out. I'm starting to think I'm a little unorthodox when it comes to relationships," I attempted to lighten the situation. I didn't want to sit here for the undetermined amount of time with Edward sitting their stiff as a statue and speaking so monotonously, it would be draining on me emotionally.

"Unconventional and dangerous, do you have to work at that?" his mouth was up in that gorgeous half grin that used to make me melt in to a puddle of putty he could do whatever he wanted with. Now I just admired it for complimenting his unnaturally beautiful face.

"It just kind of comes naturally."

We sat in silence for a few moments. I just wanted to talk naturally. I didn't want to badger him with questions; I didn't want this to be interrogation.

"He's dangerous, you know," he said quietly. My mood dropped a little, I didn't want to take this.

"So were you. You having a relationship with me was more reckless than if you had a relationship with any other human. I know about danger," I held up my scarred wrist to remind him of the danger I had faced in the past.

"I left though, I wanted to keep you safe."

"It's different with me and Jake, I know that sounds cliché, but it's not as easy to just leave him for my own safety."

"It's that imprint thing," he half asked and half said.

"You know about it?" I was surprised. I wasn't even aware he knew about the Quiluetes being werewolves until now.

"I've heard about. I researched the legends the first time we were in this area, when we made the deal to stay off their land. I had thought that the imprinting was a myth, it seemed to supernatural."

"You're kidding, right? After everything, I wouldn't be surprised if you told me the Loch Ness Monster was real."

"At that time I was very jaded about love. I didn't really believe in it. My opinion has changed since then," he said in the way that I knew meant he wasn't telling me the whole thing. I was being a little silly thinking I could go to Edward for answers. If he ever had to take the SATs he would have a hard time with the written; he had a knack for answering questions as swiftly as possible.

"So, you get it right?"

"Get what?"

"That I love Jacob. I can't leave, I don't think I'll ever be able to."

"I get that," he said, awkwardly using the informal language, "It's hard to accept. I still _care_ for you," he meant something else entirely but didn't want to say, "I don't want to see you get hurt. Jacob can hurt you but taking you away from him would also hurt you. I suppose I have to trust him."

"I do. Jacob would never hurt me, it's part of the imprint thing. It would hurt him too much. I'm not saying I don't tip toe around him and try not to get him upset. He's easily angered… I think anger triggers him to phase."

"Will he be very angry that you came and saw me?"

"What do you think, Edward? How would you feel if this situation was reversed?" I looked at him, trying not to think about what Jacob would have to say when I came back and told him where I had been. Perhaps if I arrived back at the house before he did I would never have to tell him.

"I would go to the ends of the earth to keep you away from him."

"I don't doubt Jake is the same way, he was meeting with some of the guys from the pack when you called. I guess I'm conveniently leaving him out of the loop."

He let out a frustrated noise, "I hope I am not causing you any trouble."

"I'll be fine. I can take care of myself."

He laughed and shook his head, "You've always been so sure of yourself."

I shrugged. There was silence again.

"Why'd you come back?"

"I couldn't take it. I needed to see you again. I was not as… lucky as you. When Alice called me and told me what she had seen, I rushed here."

"What'd she see?"

"A fire and then you're future disappeared," he smiled despite this, "Alice cannot see the wolves. When I pulled Jake out and he came too I was quite surprised at his thoughts and your… actions," he swallowed as if trying to hold back bile.

"Sorry, I wasn't trying to make you jealous," I wrapped my arms around myself, "I wasn't thinking very clearly," or was I thinking very clearly for the first time in the long while. It was hard to tell which.

"Alice also caught glimpses of Victoria. I caught up with her a few months ago. What she said—I thought she was just trying to scare me."

"I know. She told me."

"You've talked to her?" he was alert now.

"Yeah," I said hesitantly. I was fearful of what he would do when he found out Victoria was playing therapist at the high school here. "She's kind of working here."

"What?" His eyes darkened, he was furious.

"At the school, as a counselor," I said quietly. "Didn't Alice see that?"

"She hasn't been looking. I guess you've never been in any _real_ danger until the other night. What has Victoria told you?"

"That she's going to make my life as miserable as possible before she kills me. She says that her gift is knowing what people want, that she was a people pleaser in her human life. She knows that you want me happy and safe, she's trying to stop that."

He was looking away, but I knew his eyes were dark and stormy and his face was stony.

"She'll be staying around the area then, if she has to come in to Forks every morning." He was far away now. "I'll take care of it."

And that's all he said about it. After a little more quiet he calmed down and asked me about school, college, Charlie and Renee. I answered the questions as efficiently as I could. School was going well even though I was missing so much of it. College was on of the farthest things from my mind. I hadn't even taken the SATs. I'd have to go to community college now if I planned to go to a four-year. College had always been a goal of mine; I was just making a little detour right now. Charlie was doing fine considering the circumstances and Renee…

"I actually haven't talked to her in ages. I don't know how that happened. She's busy traveling with Phil, I guess. I should probably talk to her soon; a lot's been going on. What about with your family?"

"Well, I've been wondering around a lot. Traveling, I guess. I'll be joining the family again after I leave Forks. We're in Alaska right now. Carlisle is volunteering at a non-profit clinic; Esmee is working with a charity that helps builds houses for poverty stricken families. She has coerced Jasper and Emmett to help as well. Rosalie is working at the clinic with Carlisle and Alice is working Dress for Success."

"Wow, that's very… charitable," for some reason I had expected them to set up the same situation they had in Forks.

"Bella, high school does get boring after awhile. We change it up every once in awhile and sometimes working with a charity is more rewarding than just giving money to it," sometimes I wasn't so sure he couldn't read my mind.

"I should be getting home," I said after checking my cell phone's clock.

"I'll walk you back to your truck." He held out his arm to me, like he was still human and it was still the early 20th century. Graciously, I took it. I held on tightly when we walked across the still wet grass.

"Are you going to be okay to drive home?"

I nodded. "I'll be fine, Edward." He looked at me. It was that weird face where he was trying to figure out what I was thinking, like if he just concentrated hard enough he could break through the barrier that my mind had created for itself. I restated my sentence, "I _am_ fine." And I was.

He opened the truck door for me and for what would probably be the last time I grabbed his hand and allowed him to help me in.

"I'll do my very best to make sure that _this_ is the last time you see me," he looked down at the asphalt for a moment before looking up at me, a smart half grin on his face, "You just have to work with me on this one and try not to get in to anymore trouble."

I couldn't help but let out a little laugh, "I haven't changed that much, Edward. Besides, I wouldn't mind seeing you guys every once in awhile. It'd be very nice to see Alice again."

"Alice would like that, it took a lot of convincing to get her to stay at our new house. She wasn't very happy with that."

"I could imagine. I hope she doesn't give you a hard time when you get back."

"I suspect she will."

I smiled, "Bye Edward."

"Good-bye Bella. I will make sure that Victoria no longer bothers you," he shut my door and walked backwards towards the fence, which he leaned against. I looked at him, feeling a little terrible for putting this situation on his shoulders. I really did feel like I should be able to take care of it by myself.

With a small smile and a little wave I backed the truck up and made my way back to Jake.

&

After perusing the fridge for something to make for dinner I picked up the phone to call Renee. I wanted to put off the lecture I was going to receive for ignoring her for so long. Of course, the last time I checked the phone line ran both ways. Before I hit TALK the phone rang.

"Black residence," I answered a little distractedly. I noticed that Charlie wasn't home.

"Bella, it's Sam. Where have you been? Where's Jacob?" He was using the voice that made him seem old and wise the whole time.

"He's not home yet, he must have just left your house."

"No, he's been out looking for you. He left my house almost an hour ago. When he gets back tell him to call me. I'm sending Quil and Embry over, stay in the house." I could tell he was ready to hang up.

"Sam, tell me what's wrong!" I yelled through the phone.

"Victoria's on the property. She killed Billy."

**AN: **Very hard chapter to write, dialogue that doesn't come naturally makes me want to give up. And I didn't particularly want that ending to come, sorry, but that is one of the few things that been in the outline since the very beginning. I hope to wrap this story up in the next five chapters so I can really get focused on my other stories. Any Morganville fans out there? Put me on author alert, I have a great story coming up that I'm sure you'll want to read! (If you haven't read the Morganville series, go out now and buy the first few books, you'll devour them!)

Remember to vote, link up at the top, you can vote as much as you want.


	30. Bella: Why, it's Little Red Riding Hood

**AN: **sorry for any mistakes, I had a wrist brace on while writing this so my typing got funky.

"Wild animals never kill for sport. Man is the only one to whom the torture and death of his fellow creatures is amusing in itself."

_James Anthony Froude_

_**Cupid's Chokehold; Chapter Twenty-Nine. Bella.**_

"How?" This was unbelievable. "Aren't you guys supposed to be these protectors? Aren't you supposed to be, I don't know, _protecting_?" I was yelling now and Charlie walked in to the room from the back of the house. I lowered my voice, "What good is it being supernatural and making a bunch of people's lives miserable when you aren't going to do anything with those powers? I don't understand you, Sam!"

"I'm sorry, Bella. There is a lot you don't understand. That is a consequence of Jacob trying to protect you. Please have Jacob call me when he gets in, he should be there soon."

"No, I'll tell him." I heard Sam reject what I said but I hung up anyway.

"Bells, what is it?" Charlie was sitting down at the table, rifling through paperwork from the station. I opened my mouth to speak; _Victoria killed Billy_. What was I supposed to say to him? "Bella?"

"I need to go find Jake. I'll be back in a little bit. Sorry," I said this all quickly as I grabbed my coat and ran back out the door. There was a large expanse of woods and beach between Jake and Sam's house. If Jake had gone there in wolf form he could be anywhere in the woods, if he had used the beach then I could just keep walking and run in to him. I crossed my fingers; hopefully I would run in to just Jake and no one else. I started at a quick pace. It was starting to rain and the wind was picking up which sent the spray from the ocean in to my face.

I walked over a small dune and saw Jake making his way towards me. Hoping I wouldn't fall, I ran down the dune and towards Jake. At first when he looked up he seemed weary but instantly brightened up when his eyes met mine. I felt terrible, I was going to ruin all that. Life wasn't getting any easier.

When it rained it poured. This was the Olympic Peninsula, after all.

"Bells, what are you doing out here?" The rain had really started to pour now, it was dripping into my eyes and had soaked through my coat.

"I need to tell you something Jake," I yelled over the crashing waves.

He frowned and looked at me, "What's wrong Bella?" He touched my cheek and the rain falling on my face started to feel like bath water. I couldn't tell if the salty water going in to my mouth was from the ocean or from my tears.

I took his hand and tugged him towards the wood, just on the edge of it so the branches were over us. I took his other hand in mine, he looked so concern and I just wanted to come out and tell him but I was so concerned about comforting him at the same time. I had no idea how to go about this.

"Jake, Sam called. When Billy was out for a walk Victoria found him again, Victoria killed," fresh tears started again and I tried not to be a spectacle. This wasn't about me this time, Jacob was not going to be comforting me through out this, because it was my turn. I was going to comfort him.

He was shaking and I tried to wrap my arms around him, but he was shaking too much. I stepped back, "Jake?" He was moving too fast for my eyes to follow. His face was twitching from side to side, his shoulders were snapping out of place. I heard terrible snaps coming from him. His looked torn.

"Run," he growled. I could hear the pain in his voice.

When I saw his shirt rip down the middle and heard the crack of his spine, I turned around and ran out of the woods and down to the beach. I fell down the dune and down towards the high tide. I quickly stood up and spit the sand out from my mouth. It itched in my ears and under my clothes. I wiped it away from my eyes and out of my eyebrows. Carefully, I walked up the dune again and saw that Jake was nowhere to be found.

I couldn't leave him out there by himself. It wasn't right. Now was not the right time for him to be alone. But I also couldn't go out there and look for him. I had never encountered Jake in wolf form but I wasn't completely certain that it would be safe for me to approach him.

"Where is he?" It was Sam and he was angry. He was running towards me in wet cut-off jeans.

My throat felt swollen and it was hard to talk, "He ran off. I don't know. He—he changed," he looked like he was about to say something, "I'm sorry." I should have waited.

"Go back to the house. Stay inside. Emily will be there in a little while. We'll come back with Jacob soon," his demeanor was so serious, it only made sense that he was the alpha. He quickly turned and ran off, quickly morphing. I didn't catch a glance at him in wolf form before he disappeared though. I heard more rustling in the woods following him, instead of staying where I was to figure it out though I made my way towards the house.

When I got to the front door Emily pulled up in a beat up Oldsmobile, she quickly grabbed a satchel and got out of the car. She was carrying a lighter as she ran up the steps to me, "Quickly!" she gestured at the doorknob. Had things really gotten that bad? Was it now unsafe to be outside?

Doing as she said I quickly opened the door and went inside.

"Charlie?" I called out. Fear ran through me like lava down a volcano; quick, hot and dangerous. I hadn't even thought that leaving the house would put him in any sort risk. What if Victoria had gotten in to the house? What if she—

"DAD?!"

I ran through hallway, Jake's room was empty and the bathroom was empty. I slammed open the door at the end of the hallway, Billy's room. Or what was Billy's room. Charlie looked up from the desk, he looked so tired and frazzled. It was the best sight I had seen in a long time.

"Bells? What is it? You look upset."

My breathing stopped. I had to tell him now. I had to tell him that his best friend had died, that his best friend was killed. I also had to come up with a plausible reason for the death and since no one had told me what the cover story was I had no idea what I was supposed to say. I felt a calm hand on my shoulder, I turned around and saw the scarred beautiful face of Emily.

"Bella?" Her voice was so calm right now. I envied her at that moment, but then wondered what had had to happen in her life for her to become like this. Did it have to do with Sam attacking her? I realized that I could learn a lot from her at that moment. "Bella, why don't you go to the kitchen and pull out everything we can cook for a meal? Cut up all the vegetables, start defrosting the meat and boil some water. I'll see what we can whip up when I get in there." She smiled and brushed my cheek. "And why don't you change in to some dry clothes, put those in the bath, I'll take care of them for you."

Emily's sweetness outshone my grandma's sugar cookies.

I followed her instructions. Angela's pile of clothes didn't contain pajamas—or underwear, I would need to go shopping soon. It wasn't really the most opportune time though. I stripped off all my clothes and dug around the drawers in Jake's tiny closet. I found an old pair of gym shorts that had to be from his seventh grade. I pulled a sweatshirt from the stack of clothes Angela dropped off and went in to the kitchen.

Once again, I did as she asked and chopped up all the vegetables we had in the house. I soaked the meat in hot water. When I shut the water off I could hear Charlie crying in the back of the house. It was the most painful sound I had ever heard. I turned around and sunk to the floor, back against the counter. I could hardly feel the handle on the cabinet digging into my back. I cried. I sunk my face into my lap and let it all out.

The door shut in the background, "The boys will be here in a little bit—" Emily walked in to the room and saw me on the floor. I looked up at her and wanted to ask her so many questions I doubted she had the answers to. She sat down next to me and wrapped her thin arm around my shoulder.

"Bella, everything's gonna be okay. But as a wolf girl, you have to be strong."

I leaned my head against her shoulder, "How is that even fair? Don't I get to be sad?"

She squeezed me tight, "Of course you get to be sad and of course it isn't fair. It's not always easy. Jake and Sam and the boys, they aren't the only ones who have to sacrifice a little to be protectors."

"We aren't protectors, Emily."

"Just between you and me, I like to pretend that I help Sam be the best that he can be. It helps me sleep at night maybe." She laughed and shook her head, she knew just how silly she sounded. "Let's me think it's all worth it."

"Worth it? It's not really a choice though, I never thought it was," it never felt like one to me.

"It's not, doesn't make it any harder."

I could relate to that. Ever since Jake and I imprinted I had felt a pull to Jake, but it didn't make letting Edward go any easier. In fact, maybe it made me feel worse. I felt so guilty and disloyal towards Edward. But without Jacob's endurance and the supernatural (and freaky) bond between us I never would have gotten out of the well I threw myself down when Edward left me.

I sat up and wiped my face clean of any tears. "Uhm, we can make meatloaf," I looked up at the counter where the food was laid out.

"And pasta," Emily smiled. She was glad that I was coming back to the surface. "They love pasta, lots of carbs. Gives them energy."

I stood up and helped Emily get up off the floor. I went over to the cabinet and grabbed the sauce and French bread. "I was going to do Italian later in the week. There's garlic spread in the fridge."

We continued digging through the pantry and fridge, ending up with meatloaf, hot dogs, frozen pizza, spaghetti, French bread and stir-fry. It made me sick to my stomach but from what I was coming to understand the wolf boys' stomachs didn't run on the same standard of humans.

We cooked in silence most of the time. I enjoyed that Emily didn't ask me the typical questions a semi-stranger did. _How was school? How's your mother? What are you planning to do after graduation?_ Which was great because I had no answer to any of those. I felt like I hadn't been in school in week, I hadn't talked to my mother in even longer and graduation seemed like an impossible dream right now.

"Can you keep a secret?" Emily asked.

"Of course," I almost laughed. I was bad at a lot of things. Long division, sports, cooking rice, drawing, singing, the list went on. But if there was one thing I was really good at, it was keeping a secret.

"I'm pregnant," her face pulled up in to a contorted smile that she managed to make beautiful. I realized then that she was glowing. It seemed cliché and I almost chastised myself for buying in to that cheesy nonsense but she really did look different from that last time I had seen her.

"Honestly?" I asked despite myself. I looked at her stomach, it was still slim and her waist was well defined by the ties of the apron, she definitely wasn't showing. "How far along are you?"

"Three months. I haven't gone to the doctor. But I've felt him kicking. So, unless I have the weirdest disease ever…." she didn't need to finish her statement.

"You're only three months, though. Isn't that really early to be feeling him?"

"Wolf genes. It's why I think it's a boy. Even though he may never go through the change, the genes are still there. And my mom was always really slim when she was pregnant. She didn't know until her sixth month or something."

I shook my head in wonder, this sounded like one of those things you'd see on a health channel. "Wow!"

"Yeah. I haven't told Sam yet," she looked down and shrugged. "Actually, I was going to today. We were going to go dinner, stay at a hotel… I know it's silly but he's so stressed out about it everything. I feel bad. And then there's the wedding. I don't want to have to cancel but I think we might."

"You could just go to Vegas," I suggested.

She looked wistful. "Yeah, but I want a big wedding. With the whole community out on the beach. I don't think we're going to get that right now, things need to settle down first. Which is fine, I understand. It's part of the sacrificing thing. I'm just scared that if we don't have the wedding before this little guy is born then it won't happen. My mom always griped about how I turned her life upside down," she smiled and got a far away look in her eye, "She loved it though."

She went back to washing the pots and pans off.

"Do you ever think about what you would do if you son… you know… wolved out?"

She stopped and looked at me. "I don't want to think to far ahead right now." She wasn't telling the truth.

I wouldn't wish this on my son either.

My hands froze in the salad. _My son_. I never pictured myself with children. I had had a fine enough time helping my mom get through her adulthood, I didn't want to have to help a child get through their childhood. There was no way I had the skills to do that. Briefly I wondered what Jake had to say about it…. _Jake_. I guess now that I thought about it made sense, Jake and I would be together forever. Imprinting really was the ultimate fairytale when you got down to the nitty-gritty. That meant that I would marry Jake, should he ever ask. Walk down the aisle, be given away by my father, say the vows and be his wife. It all seemed very surreal.

Before I could fall too deeply in to my thoughts the pack came home. As if someone had called and told them the boys walked in to the house right before we stuck the French bread in. They were a somber mess of wet clothes and dirty hands and feet. The floor was a puddle of water and mud within moments of them entering. They were without Jacob.

"Where is he?" I looked at Sam.

His face still looked old and wise, but he also looked exhausted. "He didn't want to come home. I wasn't going to force him. I couldn't force him. He could pull rank on me if he wanted." I racked my brain, trying to remember if Jake had ever said something about this. Sam noticed my confused face. "When it comes to genealogy Jacob should be the Alpha. I was because I changed first," he explained systematically, "when Jacob changed he didn't want the responsibility." He looked down as if deciding whether he should tell me something or not, "He didn't even want to be a wolf, not if it meant being away from you. Even when he was a human his devotion to you was strong. You shouldn't worry, he will come back to you."

He words touched me but I couldn't focus on them right now. "I'm not worried about him coming back, Sam. He shouldn't be out in this weather, he could get catch a cold or something."

He laughed and I frowned. "We don't get sick," he it as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. It wasn't like I had been given the Wolf Girl hand book, I didn't know how this wolf thing worked.

I looked at him and at Emily, "I don't care. Where is he?"

He looked defeated. "There's a path behind the house, just keep on it. He's less than a mile up there." I walked out the door. The rain was still coming down quite heavily and my sweatshirt quickly became soaked. My feet were slipping on the dirt but I found the path in spite of the dim light.

"Jacob?" I called out, hoping he would answer back. Although the way Sam spoke he made it sound like Jake was still in wolf form. I had no idea what to expect. I could see the end of the path, there was a small alcove lined with trees. In the middle of the alcove was a large dark lump. I picked up my pace as safely as I could and got a little closer to the lump.

"Holy crap."

It was a wolf. A huge wolf. The size of horse. It could easily grab me by its mouth and carry me off and eat me somewhere. It gave the stories of Little Red Riding hood and the Three Little Pigs a whole new angle. This wolf in front of me definitely could have eaten Grandma.

"Jacob?" The animal looked up at me, growled, then tilted it's head and simpered a little. The animal's eyes were dark but kind—and all Jake. "Holy crap!" I couldn't think of what else to say. I walked up to him slowly in case any sort of animal instinct kicked in and he attacked me. I was pretty sure he would be able to take me down and kill me before his human side kicked back in. Still slowly I knelt down and placed my hand on the back of his neck. His hair was wet and clumped together but I still ran my fingers through it.

The rain was starting to stop now. I sat there, running my hand through his hair till it started to dry. I jumped when I heard noises out in the woods. Jacob lifted his head and growled, in the distance I could see large animals that looked like wolf Jake did. Jacob gave a clear bark, his large white teeth ready to attack. The other wolves gave a low howl and walked further in to the forest. He had sent his brothers away. He shifted a little and set his head on my lap. I scratched behind his ears; all dogs liked that.

Finally I spoke.

"Once upon a time there was someone who loved me very much and I loved him very much," Jake growled and I smoothed the fur on his nose and head down, "but one day he left me and I thought that the world was over. I had known this person for a very short period of time and yet I depended on him so much, he was what my world revolved around for the short period of time and without him and I had nothing to revolve around. Soon, though, I met someone new. Someone I never thought could replace the person that left me, but someone that was much better for me. Healthier for me. It took a long time, but I realized that I could be okay without the person that left me. That, I didn't need the person who left me, that there were healthier options for me.

"I know that the relationship between Edward and I and the relationship between you and your father was very different, but my point is that when you think the world is going to end it really isn't. The world will continue to turn again. I promise. And I know you don't like it, but I do know what it's like to lose someone who's very important to you before you are ready to lose them. It… it gets easier."

When I was finished I made no attempt to get a response from him. I began brushing my fingers through his hair again. After some time, his moist tongue lapped at my other hand. I laughed and pulled it away.

"Jake, that's gross."

Languidly he got up, towering over me on his four feet. He was massive and I was a little overwhelmed. When I made it to my feet he knelt down and shook his head at his back.

"What?" He made a moaning noise. "What? You want me to… you want me to get on your back?" He nodded, which despite my talking to him threw me off. It was really easy to forget that this was still Jake and still human at the end of the day.

Hesitantly I got on and held on tightly to his fur. I scooted closer to the front of him and wrapped my arms around his neck. He started off at a slow trot, jostling me a little and forcing me to hold on even tighter. I was too stunned to make any noise as he picked up his pace anymore. The wind was cold in my face and the faster he went the more I felt the moisture in the air sting my face. I buried my face into his warm neck. He still smelled exactly like Jake.

We were at the house in no time. He knelt down and I got off. Not sure what to do, I patted his head. He licked my hand again and started to walk back towards the woods. "Wait! Jake! I thought you were coming back!" I was hopeless. I didn't want him to be all by himself out there. Not with Victoria running loose. It hit me like cold water to the face when I realized that _I_ had been out there by myself when Victoria was running loose. I guess my mind got kind of clouded when it came to being with Jake.

He whined, padded back and nudged me towards the door. Begrudgingly I went inside and left Jake in the cold outside. Despite finding Jake and seeing he wasn't doing anything drastic like eating grandmas I still didn't feel very well. I wanted Jake to be warm and inside the house, eating a bowlful of spaghetti and letting me hold him while he fell asleep.

I was swarmed when I entered. Emily hugged me and Sam looked disgruntled. Everyone else, apparently they had gotten back awhile ago since their hair was semi-dry, looked ready to yell at me and give me a piece of their mind. "I'm sorry I just—"

"We understand," Emily said, "It was stupid, but we understand. At least I do." She turned towards Sam, "I would have done the same thing if it were you, Sam. Please don't be so angry." She was leaning against him and his hands were wrapped close around her stomach. She must have told him while I was gone.

Suddenly, there was a crash in the hallway that came from Jake's room. I screamed and Sam shushed me, he hardly budged. "It's just Jacob. He needed to get some clothes. He probably didn't want to go find the ones down by the dunes."

I rushed towards Jake when I saw him in the hall and wrapped my arms around him. He was warm and dry which made me realize that I was still rather wet from my adventure in to the forest. He held me tightly and pressed his lips to the top of my head.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

"Don't scare me like that again."

"I'm sorry. I love you."

Stubbornly, I said, "Doesn't mean you get to scare me. And I love you to."

When stood there awhile longer with Jake's arms wrapped around my wet self. I knew I needed to change once again (and probably not go outside for awhile) and sit down somewhere warm and drink something hot, but the only thing I could imagine doing right now was staying where I was with Jacob. Because despite the umpteen-odd people in my house, the chaos and the death, things really were okay when I was in Jake's arms. I think he felt the same way.

When he pulled back, someone in the room finally spoke. I had forgotten that they were all behind me. "We need to talk."

**AN: **Probably one of my favorite chapters. Loved bringing Emily back in to the picture and really giving her some page time. And it's super long. I wrote about 3000 words of it in one sitting. My fingertips actually hurt from the typing, which is gonna be super fun at work. Hopefully just two more chapters, but it might be three.

Remember, I've been nominated for Best Jake/Bella over at Silent Tear Awards. _silent-tear-awards . yolasite_ and it's a dot com. **Voting ends August 31.**

There might be an Emily POV outtake for those who review… I don't know… review and find out.:)


	31. Bella: All Things Fall Apart

**Review 1**

whats wrong with you?

WHY AREN'T YOU UPDATING?

**Review 2**

Loved this chapter! O finally, some Wolf-Jake and Human-Bella fluffy-ness. So cute! U should soo make them have those fluffy tender wolf abd human moments, but on better circumstances. That was SO ADORABLE! I wonder what Jake is gunna say. UPDATE SOON PLZ!

**AN: **Which one do you think is going to make me want to update?

Here's what wrong with me: I work 16-20 hours a week, I go to school 22 hours a week when you add in transportation, I sleep nine hours a night, it takes me an hour each day to get ready. That leaves me 56 hours to do homework, do reading, do cleaning, make my meals, go to appointments (weekly chiropractor appts) and write. Guess which comes last in the scheme of things. Sorry it has to be that way.

_"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."_

ELEANOR ROOSEVELT

WEDNESDAY, MAY 31

_**Cupid's Chokehold; Chapter Thirty. Bella.**_

Life went on. It always did. No matter what the case or the event the world carried on—without a care in the world. It never stopped for you. So, you had to pick up the pieces where they fell and get on with it. Since my life exited Highway Normal and merged with the traffic of Highway Supernatural I had come to realize it was always like this. Get on with it; the world isn't going to stop to comfort you.

Charlie was heartbroken with the news of Billy's death. I was almost tempted to say that he was broken over the news of his death. He ate, he slept, he was reprieved from work; I had never seen him like that before. I had never seen _anyone_ like this before. Emily made sure Charlie ate, but there was only so much she could do. His face was going gaunt and his skin looked unhealthy. His hair was greasy and limp on most days, even when he had just gotten out of the shower. He began sleeping on the couch again, at least the few hours of sleep he managed to get each night. It had been extraordinarily cold and rainy for late May and Charlie had developed a nasty cold.

Jake was only a little better. I think that his, now extremely personal, vendetta against Victoria helped him maintain control of himself. Like Charlie, only a few things ruled his life right now. During the days when Emily was at the house with me, Jake would be out running the territory and the few surrounding towns. It was to no avail though, with all the rain, if Victoria was still in the area her scent was being washed away too quickly for any of the guys to find it.

Jake always came back home famished and exhausted, often times falling asleep with the plate of food still have full. Once he was asleep the night could go either one of two ways, he could sleep like the dead or he could be as restless as a ship in the middle of a storm. Those were the nights that I found his old blankets and slept on the floor. After the first few nights of bruises I knew something had to change. Jake was always overly apologetic and always promised he would sleep on the floor the following night. He seemed to forget his promise that night, but I wasn't going to remind him of it; he needed the bed more than I did.

Besides, I slept a lot while he was out. Angela was still bringing over my homework and the school guaranteed that as long as I came in for finals I would be able to graduate with the rest of my class. At the rate things were going though I wasn't sure I wanted to walk with them at the ceremony. Maybe I would just go in to collect my diploma and empty my locker. I couldn't even remember the last time I opened it, let alone what was in it. I hoped I didn't have any lunch remnants. It was Wednesday when she casually mentioned that the school announced that Victoria had been let go.

"She hasn't been here for awhile." She shrugged but I couldn't say anything. What did this mean? "I know I'm not supposed to judge people, but she was weird. Like she wanted to be your best friend, but didn't really know how," she fidgeted with her hair, "The reports are still due, though. Are you almost done with yours? I'll take it in for you if you don't want to go in to school. The roads are pretty bad right now, the school's been asking us to car pool."

When I wasn't sleeping, eating, fretting or doing the paperwork I had taken over for Charlie I was working on that report. Writing it was even harder this time around with all my notes being destroyed in the fire, but with the advent of Google I managed to hit the word count.

"I'll have it on Friday, Angela, if you can make it down."

"Of course, I'll be able to bring your final schedule over too. They're releasing them tomorrow. If you need to we can get together and study."

"Uhm, maybe." I was fairly certain that Jake wouldn't be to lenient when it came to me leaving the house. I'd invite her over but the house was quieter than a crypt, I wasn't sure Jake and Charlie would be able to handle the increased noise level. I quickly changed the topic, "So, have you been accepted anywhere?"

She smiled, unfazed by the subject change, "Yeah, Ben and I are both going to SU next year. Ben wants to get married and try and get into couples housing, but I told him we have to get degrees first." She laughed and I was envious. She was so carefree. "I'm not ready to be married yet! We'll live in the dorms for now. He's gonna study sports medicine. I'm not sure what I'm going to study. Dad wants me to go for theology, but I'm not sure… who knows?"

"That sounds great, Angela. You're going to have so much fun. I'll have to come visit you."

I could hardly remember a time where the path my life was on was so normal.

"What about you? I know application season was hard for you… what are you going to do when you graduate?"

I tried not to think about that moment when my life was no longer determined by the public education system. "I'll probably be staying here," from what Emily had been telling me it was unheard of for anyone to move off the rez when they were still turning into wolves. "I'll get a job, maybe at Newton's again, maybe somewhere closer. I don't think Jake and I are ready to leave yet."

Her eyes lit up in that gossipy-girl way. "You _and_ Jake?" Angela might have been the ideal image of a good Christian, but she was also a girl and could hardly stay away from chat like this. I indulged her.

"Yeah, we're a couple. I guess. It's a little unorthodox, but I'm happy now. It's been nice, it's just really chaotic right now."

"You'll get through this," she slipped her binder back in to her backpack. "You know, I really admire you. You've been through so much since you moved her. It's amazing. I know you had that really dark period a few months ago, but… it's just nice to see that someone can recover from being somewhere so dark, when you don't believe there's any hope for you. I know if I'm ever in that place, I'm going to think of you."

Angela's words were kind and probably too much. I didn't think I was anything to admire. I didn't even think it was my own strength that got me through all this. I certainly wasn't doing it for admiration; I was doing it because I had to and because I had no other option. I was doing it because Charlie and Jake needed me.

"Uhm, thanks Ang." We sat there in silence for a little bit before she got up.

"I need to get home to baby-sit," I got up and walked her to the door. We hugged and I watched her leave. I took out the ingredients for dinner and started to put it together.

Victoria was no longer at the school. Did that mean she was no longer in the area? I remembered briefly that when Edward left me he said his kind were easily distracted, perhaps Victoria was now distracted. Maybe she was over this. Of course, Edward did come back, and he had been tracking down Victoria instead of getting on with his eternal life. And of course maybe she was no longer at the school because I was no longer at the school and she had no need to continue the ruse because she couldn't make my life miserable there.

I popped three Advil before Jacob walked in the door, wet and exhausted.

He looked terrible. I stood on my tiptoes and kissed him lightly on the lips. He was still warmer than a tropical ocean despite the cold, damp weather. "You know," I said lightly, "I think you being several degrees warmer than everyone else in this rainy climate is a good thing for evolution. You're never going to get sick… and you'll save a bundle when it comes to buying jackets. Do you even own a jacket?"

"You're wearing it," I looked down at the brown hoodie I had slipped on after my shower.

"Oh, sorry. Did you want it back?"

"I don't think it fits me anymore," he kissed the top of my head. "It looks better on you anyway. I'm gonna go put on something dry."

While he was busy in the room, making all sorts of noises as he bumped in to the wall, door and mattress as he tried to change in there, I put the soup and bread on the table. He came out in his pajamas (basketball shorts and a shirt, though I think the shirt was for my sake) and sat down. He slurped his soup as I stirred the ice cub around in mine.

"Any luck today?" I hated bringing it up but I wanted to suggest that perhaps they weren't picking up her scent because she simply wasn't in the area any more.

"None. No trace, it's too wet right now. We think she might be using it against us." He put down his bread in his bowl and I watched it soak up all the broth before he spoke, "Bells. I don't know how much longer we're going to last. Sam thinks Seth is going to turn soon."

"Won't more help be good?" I asked, honestly confused. The more wolves out their running meant that they could spend less time running.

"Seth's barely out of middle school," he said bluntly.

"Oh my god."

"Yeah, we need to find her." He rubbed his face. He appeared to be melting from exhaustion. "Damn, Bells. This is probably the best canned soup I've ever eaten but I'm about to drop dead. I'm gonna hit the sack. I love you." When he got up he walked around the table and kiss my forehead, but it was more like him just resting his face on my forehead.

"Go to bed, Jake," I chided lightly. "I'll be there in a minute, Charlie's already out for the night. Emily made him an early dinner." I tidied up the kitchen and started the dishwasher.

Jacob was already in bed and starting to doze off when I went in to the room to pick out my pajamas for the night. I went in to the bathroom to pull on the tank top and shorts. Jacob wrapped his arms around me when I snuggled in to him. "When this is all over, we're going to do something special," he slurred sleepily.

"Really?" I played along. I didn't really expect him to ever doing anything special. It wasn't a bad thing; I didn't want him to do anything for me as he had already done so much.

He rolled into me and pressed his face in to the crook of my neck. "Yeah," he spoke against the skin, making me feel all soft and gooey, "I'm gonna take out to dinner. I have some money saved up. We'll go in to the city and we'll have a dinner overlooking the water. We'll walk the streets, hand in hand. Every few steps I'll kiss you because I want everyone to know that you're my girlfriend and they're never going get you away from me—"

"Why don't you just pee on my leg, Jake?"

He poked me lightly in the rib and looked up at my face. I could see him clearly in the moonlight and his eyes looked just a little lighter than before, a little more carefree. "I'm trying to be _romantic_, you heartless girl." He settled back in to his spot on my shoulder. "After the dinner we'll come back and fall asleep on sleeping bags out on the beach."

"Only to be woken up when the tide comes in because you put the bags too far out!" I couldn't help it and I giggled.

I looked up again, now he was smiling. "You are hopeless!"

"Well I prefer realistic," I countered and he kissed me. It was not of the quick kiss variety I had been getting from him lately. It was slow and soft and hot, but made my entire body feel like it was numb from ice. My toes tingled and my hands moved of their own accord up underneath his shirt. He kept his hands wrapped around my face; they were so big that they easily fit from the nap of my neck to the corners of my mouth.

He slipped in between my legs and the pressure sent off rockets and alarms in my head. "Jake, I need to stop," I pulled my hands out from under his shirt, a little unwillingly. I really didn't want to stop, but I knew I wasn't ready to go any further. As silly as it was, I wanted my first time to be more special than us half asleep in a cramped room with my dad one room over. Not my ideal situation. Maybe after that date Jake described.

He pulled back a little, slipped back to his side of the bed and loosened the grip on my face. "Sorry," he moved his lips away from mine and placed soft, little kisses on my cheek and corner of my mouth.

"You don't have anything to be sorry about," I brushed my thumb across his cheek as he took his place in the crook of my neck again. "I just don't want to—have sex _right now_, with my _dad_ next door."

Jake laughed and my entire body vibrated from his shaking.

"That's a good point," he seemed to be getting sleepy again. "'Sides, we should think this through, get protection and stuff. I'm not ready for little Jacob's to be running around, just quite yet."

_Just quite yet._

I felt my stomach tighten.

He snuggled in to me, wrapped his arm around my waist and settled in to sleep. It was now or never.

"Jake…"

"Yehbelsh…"

"Are you awake?" I felt only mildly bad.

"Sherb…"

"I was thinking…" I waited for him to make some gesture that suggested he really was awake and not talking in his sleep.

He shifted off of me and sat up, leaning against the bare wall. "I'm gonna need to be awake for this, aren't I?"

I nodded and sat up as well. "I have a theory," I sat on my knees and faced him, "when Edward left me—" Jacob's demeanor changed from groggy to angry in an instant, he gritted his teeth and I would have put money down that he growled. "Now just listen to me, don't go all Big Bad Wolf on me just yet. I have a theory, when Edward left me he told me his kind—vampires—were easily distracted. I think that maybe Victoria is distracted, maybe she's over this whole thing."

"Distracted means she could come back," he argued. He didn't want to accept my theory. Was fighting off werewolves his way of trying to prove something, if so, what?

"Not really. Vampires have to have a distorted sense of time. A human life span is nothing to them! I could—I could be dead and decomposing by the time she gets around to ruining my life again. Can't you just accept that it's a possibility?"

"Bells," he gripped my hands in his as if he was consoling me or breaking some bad news to me, "it's a nice theory but just not realistic or logical. What Edward," he said his name like the nastiest word in the English language, "said to you isn't reliable. I'm sorry. You shouldn't worry though; I'm made to do this. I won't get hurt," I wished his confidence was infectious. Maybe I was reaching too far with my theory, why would she just give up now? She was so close to finishing the job. "Besides, there's not other option."

Softly, I said, "Yes there is," with out even thinking about it. I quickly clamped my hand over my mouth and stared wide eyed at Jacob.

"What do you mean by that?" he asked curiously.

Did I lie? It was no secret that I was a terrible liar, and if I did lie it would probably come to bite me in the butt later on. Dishonesty was no friend to relationships, even imprinted ones.

"I saw Edward the other day. He said he's going to take care of her. He said he's going to kill Victoria." I closed my eyes and turned my head, there was no way I could look at him. I hadn't told him of my meeting with Edward for a reason. I was terrified of what he was going to say. I was terrified of what he was going to do. I knew he hated Edward for causing me to be so miserable for those few months. But, if he really stepped back and looked at the broader picture he would see what was starting to dawn on me. Edward didn't put me in that dark place; it was my own choice to be there.

"When?"

"When did I see Edward?"

"When?" he gritted through his teeth. He let go of my hands and ran them through his hair. It was getting long again and he needed a haircut.

I thought back, it had only been several days ago. But without the school, work and designated weekends I had lost a grip on a time. It had been less than two weeks ago, before the funeral--- oh my God.

I looked up at him. I could feel my throat starting to swell shut and eyes were watering. I couldn't lie now. It was all or nothing. "The day Billy died." It came out in a choked gasp.

"How could you?" He got up off the bed. He was so angry; I had never seen him like this. His hands were shaking and he was trying so hard to maintain control of himself. I worried what would happen if he failed to do that, Emily's beautiful but scarred face flashed in my mind. The tears in my eyes ran down my face and I let out a sob.

"Jake, you're scaring me."

"How could you?" he asked again.

"He called the house. I met him at the school. We talked. _That was it._ He asked about you—about you and me. He told me that being with you was dangerous and I told him that you would never hurt me," I looked down at his shaking fists. I knew he wouldn't hit me, but if he changed in this already cramped room there was no telling what would happen, "Don't make me eat my words Jake. I'm sorry—no! No!" I stood up on the bed, I was taller then him now. "No! I'm not sorry. I couldn't just tell him to bug off when he called me, you know that's not in my nature, Jacob, and I'm not going to say sorry for that."

"It could have been a trick. He could have killed you," his head was twitching now. Jacob had no phone in his room so I couldn't dial Emily or Sam or even 911. Amazingly, Charlie was still sleeping the sleep of the dead in the one room over.

"Look at yourself Jacob." I had never been so scared or disgusted with him in my entire life.

He looked me over once, a sense of betrayal on his face. "I'm going for a run." He took his shirt off and walked out of the room and out of the house, slamming both doors as he left.

All the adrenaline and fear that had been in my system suddenly vanished and I felt sick to my stomach. I walked to the bathroom and threw up the soup from dinner. When I flushed the toilet I wasn't sure if it was my stomach contents or the argument with Jake that was leaving the vile taste in my mouth. I brush my teeth and rinsed with mouthwash anyway.

When I walked out of the bathroom Charlie opened the door of the backroom, "Is everything okay?" he grumbled.

I tried to think of some excuse, some reason why Jake and I were yelling and doors were being slammed, but I had none. "Everything's find Dad. Go back to sleep."

"Kay," he seemed unsure but willing to comply, "I love you, Bells."

That stopped me and I went up and hugged him. "I love you too, Dad."

I walked back to Jacob's room, which instead of making me feel safe and loved made me hurt deep inside. I picked up the shirt Jacob had discarded, it smelled so strongly of him. I slipped it on over my tank top, fell in to bed and cried until the sun peaked over the horizon and in to the room.

**AN: **Dear Sam, the more you add to this story the longer you have to write this. Love, Sam.

I don't know where this came from you guys. Stupid, temperamental Jacob! I hope you're enjoying the longer chapters though. It's funny cause they almost all start out with me just aiming for 500 words.

And yay for Charlie/Bella and Angela/Bella moments!

I didn't win the Silent Tears contest. Boo hoo. I don't even think I was close. The three people who were the losers shared 55 percent of the vote. Oh well, you can't win them all.

**note: I realize that if you reviewed the last chapter you won't be able to review this chapter (unless you log out). I'm sorry. I went and deleted an author's note which is what screwed up the order of it. That's why you'll get a note saying that you've already reviewed when you haven't. Super sorry. You can either log out and leave me a review (if you use your log in name I'll try and send a PM, maybe with something special) or you can PM a review.... or you can just not leave a review like most people do. The last option makes me sad though.**


	32. Jake&Bella: You

_But I've been screamin' and fightin' _

_and kissin' in the rain._

_And it's 2AM and I'm cursin' your name _

_You're so in love that you act insane,  _

_and that's the way I loved you._

THE WAY I LOVED YOU, TAYLOR SWIFT

_**Cupid's Chokehold; Chapter Thirty-One. Jacob. **_

_**part one**_

It was too much. I could have lost control with her. I was so stupid. I could feel all the symptoms; I could feel all the changes wanting to happen and instead of leaving the situation I stood and argued with her. I loved her, with every fiber of my being I loved her, but she could be so dumb sometimes. Edward could have killed her; Victoria could have gotten to her.

I ran for hours before Sam caught up me. I growled, _Go away. I don't need you right now._

_You could have killed her tonight._

_She was so stupid. Leaving the house in order to go see the jackass that broke her heart. __**He left her to die in the woods, Sam!**_

_Jacob, I'm aware of her unwise decisions. I can't believe that is the only reason you are mad at her._

_She left. She wasn't here_, I ran faster in to the woods. My paws hit the ground hard and it hurt, _If she had just been here—if she had just been here—_

_Then what, Jacob?_

I turned and attacked. _**Then Dad wouldn't have died!**_ Sam was bigger and stronger and in better control of himself. He quickly grabbed me by the skin of my neck and I was down. His teeth dug in painfully.

_Don't blame this on her, Jacob. You know she couldn't have done anything._

_I know. I can't help it._

_There is nothing she could have done, if she had had any forewarning and tried to save your Dad then she would have gotten hurt. You know there's probably nothing any of us could have done._

I growled. I knew what he was saying was true.

_Your father was a good man and he passed too soon, but there is nothing we could have done. We were in the wrong place at the wrong time, but we learned from that. No more group meetings like that, we'll spread out more. With the Cullen back in the area we can't go in to Forks anymore. It means that the town is in danger, but it also means we can be more concentrated here. Keep Bella here, keep Charlie here and they'll be safe. _

_I know, Sam. I __**know**__ Bella couldn't have done anything. I was just so angry-- if anything had happened to her!_ I couldn't finish the sentence.

_I know, Jacob. No one expects you be completely rational right now. And you did the right thing by leaving; you could have seriously hurt her if you hadn't gotten out of there on time._

_I know, Sam. No need to guilt trip me._

_Go for a run, change and tell her you're sorry. Don't think that because you've imprinted you're allowed a few screw-ups. If anything the women are worse when they're angry._ His mind wandered in to territory I didn't want to know about Sam and Emily.

I started to run deeper in to the woods, curving back around towards the house though. I slowed down when I saw the garage and changed back in to my human form. I hadn't worked on anything in the garage since Bella had worked on her report. The door was still unlocked though and I knew I had a spare change of clothes somewhere in there. I also had my project in there.

After getting dressed and checking on Bella (who was sleeping) I picked up the small piece of smooth wood. This was not an easy task. I had to gauge her finger size when I smoothed out the inside of the ring. Now the hardest task was smoothing the outside, doing the carving and making sure it didn't get thin enough to snap. It was no rock, but hopefully the love I put in to it would make up for that.

The sun was peaking in between the trees when I was finished. The dark wood had been transformed into a delicate wooden ring with a heart etched into the top of it. If begging didn't get Bella to forgive then maybe this ring would. Women loved jewelry, but Bella wasn't just any women. She was the women I loved and leave it to me to fall in love with the women who tended to break all the rules.

Bella was still sleeping when I went back in to the house around 9, I grabbed the box of Pop Tarts from the kitchen and went and sat down next to her in the bed. She looked so small and lonely, the way she was curled up inside my sweatshirt and the blanket made me want to hold her. I felt terrible about last night, although I could already hear what Bella would say. _It's fine, Jake. You couldn't help it._

She'd be right, but, to me, that didn't really matter. I hadn't cared this much about anything in my entire life; I had never been so passionate about anything or anyone. I wanted to be perfect for Bella.

_Everything I need is right here by my side._

I'M ONLY ME WHEN I'M WITH YOU, TAYLOR SWIFT

_**Cupid's Chokehold; Chapter Thirty-One. Bella. **_

_**part two**_

I woke up when the bed sank down from Jacob's weight. I didn't open my eyes though. I was happy he returned, not that I didn't think he wouldn't, but it was a relief nonetheless that he came back and didn't seem angry with me. I hated that he was upset with me, but I wasn't remorseful about what I had done. I trusted Edward, to some small extent. Not with my heart, Jacob held it very safely now, but Edward did want the best for me, of that I was certain.

I heard Jacob open a plastic package and squinted my eyes open. Pop Tarts? The innocence of it made me smile. Groggily I asked, "Can I have one?"

He startled and looked over at me, half a Pop Tart hanging from his mouth. He looked adorable in his grease stained shirt and his raggy hair covering his sad eyes. "Did you want me to toast it?" he asked through his Pop Tart.

I shook my head, "Can't you just huff and puff and heat the thing up?" I laughed and so did he, but then he grew somber.

"I'm not the Big Bad Wolf, Bells."

"I know, Jake. I'm just making a joke. You remember those, right?" I took the Strawberry Pop Tart from him. Our fingertips brushed and as cheesy as it was, I felt like an electric spark went through us.

He smiled and mumbled, "Come here," he pulled me over and I melted in to his side, his arm coming around me and rubbing my arm up and down. The box of Pop Tarts fell between our legs. "I'm so sorry, Bells. I—"

"It's fine, Jake. You couldn't help it," I consoled. I didn't want him to feel sorry about something that he really couldn't control. He chest rumbled with a deep laugh and I turned around to face him. He went from apologetic to laughing to 2.4 seconds; it through me for a loop. "What?"

"That's _exactly_ what I thought you would say. I know what you're saying, Bells. I appreciate it, your trust and loyalty is… too much though. Besides, I don't think I'm talking about me almost _killing _you last night—"

"You wouldn't have killed me, Jake. I don't believe that."

He groaned, "I'm not getting in to that right now, Bella. I love you," he grabbed my hands and looked directly in to my eyes, "I care about you, I don't want you to get hurt, ever. And," he ran his hand through his hair and appeared to be frazzled, "I'm not talking just being beaten up by some vampire or jumping off a cliff in to the ocean, I'm talking something as frivolous as getting an F on a math test. I want to take care of you in any way I can, I can't help you in math… or anything involving school… but I can keep you safe Bella and I want to do that. No offense, but it's not really your strong suit." He wasn't trying to mean, just stating what was sadly the truth.

"I can't promise to call you and let you know my whereabouts at all times, Jake. I love you and I understand your desire… your _need_ to protect me, but you're not my keeper and you're not in control of me. I need my freedom, I do promise that if I decide to do something that may be dangerous—like meeting up with my vampire ex-boyfriend—than I will let you know. But I won't ask for permission Jake."

He seemed fine with this compromise. We finished our Pop Tarts quietly and then just sat in the bed. Just after Jacob fell asleep the phone rang. I slipped out of the bed and quickly picked up the handset.

"Black Residence."

It was my counselor at school. He wanted me to come in before school started to talk about graduation and college. Two things I was totally dreading. I agreed though and quickly got dressed in a clean pair of jeans and one of Jake's old sweatshirts from middle school. I liked wearing his clothes, but I was starting to think he had never heard of sending stuff to a thrift store.

I picked up the Pop Tart trash and box and set them on the milk crate nightstand, "Jake," I whispered in a weak attempt to wake him up. "Jake," I shook him. He opened his eyes slightly.

"Yeah, babe?"

"I need to go down to the school for a bit."

"Hm?"

I smiled; I was amazed at how fast he fell in to a deep sleep.

"This is me telling you where I'm going. I'm going to school. I'll be back in a little bit, I think Charlie's down at the station, he said there was a game on or something. Remember, your sisters are coming over for dinner tonight before they head back out. I'll be back before lunch though."

"Mmm, kay," he leaned up towards me, eyes closed again. I smiled at his puckered lips. He was so adorable. I kissed him quickly before he went back to sleep and I left the house to head up to Forks High.

**AN: **Almost done! Probably two more chapters, omg.

Kay, here's the thing. I'm posting at 10:30 on October 3, 2009. That means it's still my birthday for another hour and half, it would be an amazing present to get some reviews for this. Reviews make me happy, being happy makes me want to be diligent and do my homework, which gives me more time to write, which gets you the rest of this story faster.

I know last chapter I said a review would equate to some sort of response, it took me longer than expected to write this chapter so that didn't happen. This time though I will send a small clip from my next fic that I'll start posting in December. It's called Love It Forever, it's AU/AH and involves time travel!!!

Review and I'll send you something sweet for your sweetness!


	33. Bella: Are You Ready to be Strong?

_So here's the part where you make a choice. What if you could have that power, now? In every generation, one Slayer is born, because a bunch of men who died thousands of years ago made up that rule. They were powerful men. This woman is more powerful than all of them combined. So I say we change the rule. I say my power, should be _our_ power…. Every girl who could have the power, will have the power. Can stand up, will stand up. Slayers, every one of us. Make your choice. _

_Are you ready to be strong?_

BUFFY, BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER SEASON SEVEN (CHOSEN)

_**Cupid's Chokehold; Chapter Thirty-Two. Bella.**_

I felt like I hadn't been out of Jacob's small community in eons. That wasn't true, I had gone in to town with Jacob, Sam and Charlie to deal with Billy's funeral arrangements. Everything in my life had revolved around the reservation. I just barely squeezed in my school assignments that Angela was so dutifully collecting on Thursdays. My counselor probably wanted to talk to me about graduation and finals. The school was making a lot of exceptions for me. I was certain most people wouldn't be allowed to miss this much school before their high school graduation and I was also certain that this allowance might have something to do with Charlie being Chief of Police here. I might as well have been a daughter of the president for all the special treatment I was getting.

The school was wet and empty when I pulled in to the parking lot. I parked next to a lone car that I didn't recognize and walked up to the front building where the offices were located. The school seemed so desolate and depressing without the raucous caused by the students. Some wet paper was dragged across the asphalt by the wind, without the students it was easier to see how rundown the school was. I wouldn't be missing the place once I graduated, just like I hadn't been missing it since my last day here. It almost seemed like graduation was a mere ritual now and not something that really meant anything. Graduation or not, my life wouldn't change. I would continue to be with Jacob, take care of Charlie, and become closer friends with Emily. A high _school_ diploma sometimes meant college, but I wasn't sure it did for me. It would look better on a job application, but not much around the area required even that document and I didn't want to commute in to the city for a better job. I was fine with staying close to home, even if the job wasn't glamorous.

The front office was open and I walked back to the counseling center. One door was open-- and it wasn't my counselors. I wanted to vomit up the now sickly sweet Pop Tarts that Jake and I had eaten. The office was empty but I knew she was here. It had been a ploy, a trap. The stupid ritual of graduation had been the peanut butter to lead me here. I turned around and slipped on the linoleum floor, my shoes making a nasty squeak against it. I pushed myself up, there was no time to evaluate whether my ankles were fine or not, and made my way to the parking lot where I saw a red head shutting the hood of my truck. There were cables in her hand.

_Crap. Crap. Crap._

She knew I was behind her. She had to. Edward always said that he could locate me anywhere on campus just by my scent. It had to be even easier on an empty campus. She wanted me to run, it was a game to her. She wanted to me to put up a pointless fight. She wanted to prolong this as soon as possible. I couldn't let her win, but I also couldn't just stand here and let her kill me. I wasn't suicidal. I couldn't fight her. But I could put off death and pray that Edward or Jacob or anyone would get some tiny signal that there was trouble in Forks High. I had to play her game until someone interfered.

So I ran.

I couldn't hear her behind me, but I couldn't tell if that was because she wasn't following me yet or because the blood was pounding too hard in my ears. I knew running wouldn't get me very far, at some point I would trip and fall and get hurt beyond being able to get up. It wasn't like I could go in to hand-to-hand combat with Victoria, but maybe I could do something else. She baited me, so maybe I could bait her. And ripping from limb to limb wasn't the only way to kill a vampire. Hell, I wasn't even looking to kill her; I just wanted to stop her for long enough so that I could high tail it away from her. Fire. The only other way to kill a vampire was by fire. Of course, high schools took precautions when it came to fires. And I would need a big enough fire. Of course I didn't want to burn the school down, that would be arson and the town would probably stop being so nice to the chief's daughter after she burnt the school down.

I had to stop worrying about petty things like high school buildings and start figuring out how I was going to get this fire started and how I could get the fire on to Victoria. If only I could throw it like a fireball or something. But since I wasn't expecting to obtain super powers anytime soon I would have to think of something else, another way to get fire on Victoria without getting to close to her. It hit me... like a fireball. Jake and I had been watching movies on TCM one night, old movies that Jake couldn't stand. We had been watching _Night of the Living Dead_. Those creatures died by fire as well and they used Molotov Cocktails. They had briefly said how to make one and I was certain I'd be able to construct one... I just had to figure out how to rig it with the supplies on campus. A glass bottle, a wick, some igniter fluid and a match. The chem Lab and the school's auto classroom.

I stopped to breathe when I got to the chem lab and smiled to myself, the school wasn't very safe at all. And Victoria didn't think it out either, sure she had done something to my truck to stop me from making a quick getaway but she hadn't thought about me trying to fight back. The Bella she knew wouldn't fight back, the Bella she knew would cower in a corner crying for someone to come and save her. In the back of my mind that was still an option, but it wasn't the smartest option. I wasn't going down without a fight now.

The chem lab was locked but the entire back wall was made of windows that faced the football field. I took off my sweatshirt, Jake's sweatshirt, and wrapped it around my arm. I turned my face away and lunged with my protected arm towards the small glass pane. It shattered, small shard scratched at my face, it was slightly painful but it would also make finding me easier. I shook my head in an attempt to get the shards out of my hair just in case I decided to run my hands through it for some stupid reason.

I needed a glass bottle and some matches. I hadn't been in the room in ages, but I knew that almost all the cupboards were kept locked when the teacher wasn't in the classroom, just in case any student decided to do something stupid with the supplies. Like make a Molotov cocktail. I looked around and thanked my lucky stars when I saw the bottles in a glass cabinet. Locked, but breakable. I was on a roll when it came to broken glass. With my arm still wrapped up I punched through the glass and grabbed a container. All these little cuts I was obtaining were going to be a bitch when they healed up, but it didn't matter as long as I was alive for them to heal.

We used matches to light the Bunsen burners. I thought back on to the last time we had to use them. They were kept in the drawers at our stations, locked but we all had a key. This school really wasn't scoring too many safety points. I pulled out my key ring and went over to my desk. I couldn't even remember who my lab partner was, so I very well couldn't feel sorry for them. They had completed basically the entire semester by their self. I hadn't interacted with them unless necessary. Once the key was in and turned the drawer opened easily. I picked up the box of matches and went to the shattered window to exit the room.

I couldn't tell how long it had been since I left the offices. It could have been two minutes; it could have been two hours. I didn't expect Victoria to wait this long to come and finish me off. But, with Edward in the area and Alice seeing the future and all I didn't expect to have to fight this by myself for too long. I peeked out the window, careful to not get cut up any more than I already was. There was Victoria, flaming red hair blowing in the wind, with red eyes to match. Her head was cocked to the side in amusement, her eyebrow up in curiosity. I guess there weren't many humans out there who were determined enough to try and fight her. I could either stand here and let her get me or try and run for it. If she ran after me, she'd get me quickly and probably prolong my death. But, this was a game and my death meant the end of that game. Maybe she wouldn't want to catch me just yet.

I lunged out the window and ran for the auto room. Breaking another window I went in and searched for what I needed. Gasoline, oil and a wick. The gasoline and oil weren't too hard to find, nicely labeled containers. I put the two into the glass bottle and handled it with care. I wasn't sure if it needed a certain amount so I stayed with a 1:1 mixture. I would just have to hope that was right. It wasn't like people would have measuring cups when they needed to use a Molotov cocktail. Through the windows on the wall I could see Victoria leisurely walking towards me. She was picking up flowers that were growing on the football field and putting them in her hair, smiling as she smelled them. God she was twisted.

I found an old rag and shoved it in to the opening of the bottle. I pulled the matches out of my pocket and realized how hard this was going to be with only two hands. If only I had a lighter. I went and leaned against the teacher's desk. I stared down at the matches, the only way I would the wick lit was if Victoria let me light and stood still while I threw it. I knew I would need to distract her. How do you distract a vampire? It sounded like the beginning of a bad joke.

There was no way to distract a vampire from a potential bomb in your hand. I said potential because I still wasn't certain this thing was going to go off. Come to think of it, there was no way to distract anyone when you have a bomb in your hand… unless the bomb was the distraction. But, a human couldn't move fast enough to get away from it, Victoria could probably get to the other side of Forks before the cocktail hit the ground… although that wasn't saying much. Forks wasn't that big and I couldn't throw that far. A solution would be to bring her closer to me, maybe draw her in with my blood. Of course, then I would either die from the cocktail explosion—I was beginning to wonder about the range of this thing—or die because the cocktail wouldn't go off and Victoria would kill me quickly, spurred on by the temptation of human blood. It was a sucky situation, no matter what, no pun intended.

But, if the bomb did go off and it killed me… as long as it killed Victoria as well, then it would be okay. Of course, I'd promised Jacob that I would no longer do things so brainlessly. Becoming a martyr was in the brainless category with Jacob.

I took a deep, calming breath in an attempt to focus and formulate a plan. My theoretical backup still hadn't arrived. I realized that besides motor oil and car parts this room smelled like cigarettes. The auto teacher had to be a smoker… and maybe there was a lighter somewhere. I tore around to the other side of the desk and rifled through the drawers. My fingers grasped a cool, slim red lighter.

I had never been so sure of kismet before this.

I flipped the switch on the lighter and a bright flame went up. Relief surged through me. Of course, I still had figure out to distract Victoria so I could get this thing lit and thrown at her, but it was probably best to not think too hard about that.

I walked out of the classroom and watched as Victoria walked towards me.

"Hi, darling," her voice rolled like smooth chocolate, almost drawing me in like some sick succubus. Fear raced through me, pulsed in my veins and made my vision go fuzzy. "You tried so hard," she sounded like my mother when I told her of some failure. I missed my mother suddenly. I hadn't talked to her in ages. I was sure she knew to some extent what was going on, but I hadn't been able to just sit and discuss something with. I hoped that I would be able to do that soon. "It's sweet, really. Your determination is just inspiring," her sympathetic mom act dropped and she turned back to her seductive, demonic voice, "and you played along with my little game, Bella. I can't tell you how much I appreciate that. Most little humans wouldn't be so cooperative. It's such a nice change."

She walked closer. The lighter quivered in my hand and I could hear the solution sloshing in the bottle. "You really think you're going to be able to light that and throw it at me, Bella? You can try, but we both know I would be long gone before it actually worked. What is it that they say to the losing contestant on game shows? Oh, right _thanks for playing_." She lunged.

"BELLA!"

I had been so caught up in her that I hadn't been aware of anything else. Amazingly, Victoria stopped and turned around to face the person calling out to me. _Now._ _Do it now._ It was as if I was possessed, not the voices in my head but the fluid and concise movements I made. I lit the makeshift fuse, chucked the cocktail at Victoria—_it hit her_! Then I ran back towards the auto room.

I bumped in to a cold figure, their tiny arms wrapped around me. I screamed and fought back. "Calm down, Bella!" It was Alice. I turned around and saw little Alice holding me. In the window behind her I could see Victoria up in flames, running around trying to douse out her hair. Every movement she made caused more of herself to go up in flames. "We need to get you out of here, she's gonna try and catch us on fire soon." Alice all but picked me up as she ran towards the car. It was Emmett's jeep. Emmett sat in the driver's seat, Rose in the passenger. I assumed that Alice had been in the back.

"Edward?" I asked.

Alice nodded towards the wooded area near the school. "He'll make sure everything is cleaned up. It'll just look like a freak accident. Who's stupid enough to keep a lighter in a classroom with gas in it? Seriously," she scoffed, trying to lighten the situation.

"Where's Jacob?" I asked her. It was kind of a silly question. He had no indication that I was doing anything other than speaking to my counselor about graduation or some other high school oriented thing. For all I knew, he was still sleeping the sleep of exhausted werewolf back in our bed. I momentarily brushed aside the pleasure the phrase "our bed" gave me. "Does he know?"

"He wasn't answering his phone," she cringed when she said this and my fear shot through the roof again making me sick to my stomach.

"Did—does she have—does she have an accomplice?" I stuttered out.

"We drove as close to the reservation as we could," she assured, "the only scent we could trace was hers. And that was old. We'll take you there now, but only Edward's willing to run you to the house," she pursed her lips in an effort to stop speaking. Emmett and Rosalie continued to watch the bonfire that used to be Victoria. Hopefully it would start raining soon so the clean up could begin. Vampires could do a lot of things, but firefighting wasn't one of them.

"Why won't you guys?"

Alice looked at the ground before confessing, "We don't know if the wolves will have enough control to not kill us," she said it quietly as if she wasn't supposed to tell me something else. The pieces shifted in my head.

"Edward's willing to die for me?"

Alice looked up at me and there was only honesty in her eyes, "Edward is willing to do anything for you."

"He's a bit of a drama queen in that way," Rose spoke for the first time. We all laughed, but I heard Edward growl. I smiled at him. He didn't have to be here right now, he didn't have to care, but he did.

"So, how'd you do it?" Emmett asked.

"Do what?" Attract so much danger? Even I wasn't sure.

"Kill a vampire," Rosalie clarified, "you're a human and humans can't kill vampires. Especially ones so prone to… dangerous mishaps." Rosalie wasn't trying to offend me, just stating the truth. And it was, I had no idea who to thank that that cocktail didn't go off in my hand. Come to think of it, that was probably on Jacob's brainless list as well.

"I threw a cocktail at her."

"This is a no tolerance school, Bella," Emmett said in a deeply disappointed tone.

"A Molotov cocktail," I clarified.

His face dropped and he stuck his head out the window towards Edward, "Why does she get to have all the fun?" he yelled towards him. Sitting back in the car, he grumbled. "Gets to play with werewolves, throws bombs at vampires," he looked at Rosalie, "it's not fair. I might as well be handcuffed to a bed for all the fun I get to have." Rosalie arched a perfectly shaped eyebrow suggestively. "Good point," he leaned back in his seat, relaxed again, he had a lazy smile on his face.

Alice diverted the attention from the x-rated conversation that could have been started, "We should get you back to Jacob. He might be waking up soon. If he wants to meet at the border so we can discuss everything we can. If he wants to wait for Carlisle then we can do that. I know the wolves think of him as our coven leader and they like to do things properly. Here," she grabbed something off the dashboard of the jeep, "call me, I'm number three on speed dial." She handed me a fancy silver phone.

"Hey!" Rosalie protested, "That's mine!"

I attempted to hand it back. Rosalie didn't like me to begin with; I didn't need to be upsetting her even more. Alice slapped my hand (gently, so it didn't really hurt). "Rose, you can go a day without your phone. Just remind Emmett not to sext you, okay?"

"That was once and it was in school: we were bored!" she defended herself. I was completely clueless as to what _sexting_ was.

"And you got caught," Alice said slowly. She glanced at Edward but then turned her attention back to me, "What are you smiling about?"

I laughed, "You guys are decades old and you still act like silly children sometimes."

Edward was walking towards us, "Peter Pan syndrome, look it up," he didn't give me a chance to respond, "It's going to start raining soon," I frowned, "Alice told me," that was what the glance had been, "Alice and these buffoons," Rosalie gave him the finger, "are going to clean up this mess before the cops get here."

"Which is going to be in ten minutes."

"Nice to know Forks has a watchful eye on it," Emmett said sarcastically.

Automatically defensive of Charlie, "There's a game on, they're probably distracted."

"Nice to know they have their priorities straight." He jumped out of his car, "I'm just playin' with you, silly girl."

Edward rolled his eyes and gently led me towards the edge of the parking lot, his hand on the small of my back. At the edge between the trees and the asphalt of the road he stopped, "Come on, brave one, climb on my back."

I had heard this before, except he didn't call me a coward this time. He hadn't meant it as an insult then, but the change in name did mean something to me. Cautiously, I hoisted myself in to the piggy backing position and he began to run.

I kept my eyes open and didn't feel sick once.

**AN: **Holy cannoli! How did I finish that? I wrote this in two days, which I still think is insane. Let me say this, this isn't how the story was supposed to end. There was supposed to be a big show down between Edward and Victoria, but I realized that wasn't what my story was about. In _Twilight _Bella is far from the strong female character that I admire in other books and other TV shows. I wanted to get her to that point where I could look up to her strength. I wanted to create Backbone Bella and I really hope I achieved that.

There will be two more chapters after this one.

INCENTIVE TO REVIEW: My next story is going to be a Morganville Vampire story, which I hope to post in about a week (before _Fade Out_ comes out). If you would like to read a piece of it, just tell me in the review and I'll send you a snippet.

PS. 1) if anyone wants to correct my Molotov cocktail go right ahead, as long as it doesn't change the chapter too much I will probably go and fix this. 2) if anyone does this at their school and I am blamed for it I will hunt you down and rub onions in your eyes.


	34. Bella: Chchchchanges

"_Life is one of those precious fleeting gifts, and everything can change in a heartbeat."_

UNKNOWN

_**Cupid's Chokehold; Chapter Thirty-Three. Bella.**_

Edward slowed down when he reached boundary lines. He helped me slide down his back until my feet hit the dirt road that led on to the reservation.

"I can walk the rest of the way, Edward," the rain had reached here yet so the road was dry. It would be a long walk, about three miles, but it would give me time to think about what I was going to tell Jacob. He was going to flip, he wouldn't see how funny it was that I little human Bella had killed Victoria. He would be angry, no, furious that I had done something so stupid. He would probably say that I should have gone for help, maybe even blame me that I had fallen for the trap.

My counselor!

"Someone needs to check the offices, my counselor called me from the school. That's why I went there. My counselor is a guy Mr. … something. I don't know. Victoria wouldn't be able to mimic his voice, would she?"

Edward was somber and avoided my question with his answer, "They will check all the classrooms before leaving in order to make sure that they didn't miss anything. It will look like nothing more than a bad fire," he ran his fingers through his hair in what could have been his signature move. "And I will not let walk home, Bella, I can get you to the house safely, which is more than I can say for you. This road is riddled with pot holes, you would hurt your ankle."

I took little offense, but still defended myself, "Hey, I just killed a vampire. How many humans can say they've done that? I think I can walk three miles without getting hurt." A quick pain went through my head and Edward laughed. I placed my hands on my head and looked around, a devious pinecone lay a few feet away. "_That_ could have happened to anyone!"

"Perhaps, Bella. But it doesn't matter; I would be very upset with myself if so much as another pinecone hurt you." He looked down, unsure of how to carry on. "I still care for you very much," he said in his very proper tone, "I will still do anything to insure your safety, Bella. Please just—" he stopped and looked off into the dense woods. "Perhaps not. One of the wolf boys will be picking you up, they've made it clear that I am not welcome here. Please call us to ensure your safety, I don't trust them as easily as you do." He placed a firm kiss on my forehead and I heard a growl in the woods, I turned and jumped, still seeing nothing. When I turned around again, Edward was gone.

I looked back into the woods where I had heard the growl. Sam walked out from the woods in human form sporting his usual cut off jeans. He looked like he was ready to explode and he had every right to. Yet again, I, Bella Swan, had gone off and done something stupid and after promising Jacob not to. But this would probably be the last time unless someone else wanted to come kill me for revenge purposes. It was always a possibility.

"Can I just say I am _really, really _sorry?"

"Sorry hardly begins to cover it, Bella!" he was tense but his voice stayed quiet. I was slightly surprised. If he decided to lecture me and yell at me for hours, I'd take it. "Not only did you go off on your own and create God knows what kind of trouble, but you brought a Cullen close to our land."

"Sam, I didn't bring him back!" Okay, so maybe I wouldn't take it exactly. "He didn't want me to be alone, he didn't—" okay, interesting point, my truck was still at the school "—well, what if it was all switched around? What if it was you and Emily? Wouldn't you do anything in your power to keep her safe? Even if it was incredibly stupid and dangerous?"

"Despite your entanglement in all of this, Bella, there is a lot you don't understand about this world. There is a big difference between me and a Cold One, Bella! He is dangerous!"

"_So are you!_" I shouted. I couldn't help it. All it took was one look at Emily's face to see that protector or no Sam was a very dangerous creature.

"I don't trust him. I can control my ability; he will always be a vampire craving your life every single moment of every single day."

"Yeah and so far he hasn't killed me, besides Sam, I'm probably never going to see him again—" not true since I would be seeing him later today in the event of a meeting, but Sam didn't need to know that just quite yet"—it doesn't really matter. I'm going to go home, with any luck Jacob is still sleeping. I'm sure he'll be really hungry when he wakes up."

I strode past Sam and stalked off down the road. Sam came after me. "Bella, don't be ridiculous. The town is three miles away, you can't walk that. Not on a dirt road and not with your track record."

I turned around, I was sick and tired of people underestimating my ability. Maybe I couldn't tune up a truck or climb trees like a monkey, but I could walk three miles down a road without killing myself. "For your information, Sam Uley, I just killed a vampire. Can you say that? Can you say that you've killed a vampire in human form? I don't think so! So, just back off! Let me walk home, I need to cool off anyway." I took a deep breath, "If Jake wakes up tell him I'll be home in a little bit. I guess he can meet me along the way, probably would even I said not to." If Sam was upset, Jacob was going to be off the wall livid.

"Bella, wait!" Sam was calmed down now and more than a little interested in what I said. I looked at him, exhaustion was starting to seep in to me. "Slow it down, you _killed_ a _vampire_."

"It wasn't really a well thought out plan, Sam. I didn't mean to. Victoria tricked me into going on to school and I don't even know how I managed to kill her, I think she was in shock or I was possessed or something. Alice and Rosalie and Emmett and Edward are there cleaning it all up and making everything look like an accident. They'd like to meet up and talk, Carlisle can be down if you'd like to talk to him or whatever. Right now I just want to go home and sleep. Killing things is kind of exhausting."

"Can I at least walk with you?" I knew he had a thousand questions, but this one was the easiest to answer.

"I don't want to talk, just walking."

&

We didn't end up walking—or rather _I _didn't end up walking. Sam went back into the woods where he changed by into his wolf form and let me ride on his back all the way to Jake's house. This worked out well because it meant that Sam couldn't lecture me and that I didn't have to walk all the way back to Jake's house on my own two feet. Despite what I told Edward, it really was a bit of a ways away.

I slowly nudged the door open in hopes that if Jake was still sleeping I wouldn't wake him up. I wasn't too sure how to go about this but I thought that if he didn't wake up to me coming in from killing a vampire that he wouldn't be as mad as if I woke him up and told him this. My theory was rather weak and unsupported, though.

Jake was still sleeping, in fact he had smashed the box of Poptarts in to oblivion underneath his rib cage. "Jake," I nudged him slightly and he moaned in that way that meant he was still sleeping but apt to respond. I knew that this would be the moment where I could ask him anything I wanted and I could get an answer. The first time I had been teased for my sleep talking at some childhood sleepover I had found out that people could in fact have an entire conversation with you and get the God awful truth.

"Jake," I nudged him again. I figured, if he woke up then I lost my chance and shame on me for wanting to mess with him this way, but if he didn't wake up well… I really couldn't be blamed for what I was about to do. "Jake, I need to tell you something. Promise not to get mad?"

"'Course not, baby," he responded, except it came out all thick and sleepy.

"I mean, really," I curled up next to him and rested my head on his chest, "You're really going to get mad at me but you need to promise not to."

"I promise, Bells, pinky promise."

Hopefully that meant something.

"Jake," I nudged him again, trying to wake him up this time. Getting him to promise not to be mad about what I was about to tell him while he was sleeping was pretty low, but as far as I was concerned, it was completely necessary due to the situation. I hoped that there was some morsel of him that really meant that no matter what I told him he wouldn't get mad. I wasn't counting my chickens though.

"Bells?"

This time, when he spoke, his eyes opened up and I knew that he was really awake this time. Suddenly, my stomach filled to the very brim with butterflies and bats and probably a few pigeons. And they all wanted to come out at the same time.

"Bells, what is it? What time is it?"

"About eleven, your sisters will be here in a little bit." They were probably my saving grace right now. If they were over, Jake couldn't get mad at me to the same extent that he could if it was just us. And besides, now that I really thought about it, what was there to really be mad about? I had killed the big arch-nemisis Victoria!

_Well, there is the tiny fact that you risked your life. You know that he's built to kill vampires, Bella. And honestly, he just told you to not go to do stupid things. You know that killing vampires qualifies as something stupid, especially killing vampires. Honestly, Bella!_

Some voice that was not Edward spoke to me inside my head. I think it was my conscience. I had a feeling that if I listened to it more often I wouldn't get in to half as much trouble as I tended to.

"Mmmm," he rolled over in to the pillow, grabbing my on the way. "They said noon, that's time for sleep." He pulled me with him and ended up lying rather uncomfortably across his side.

"Actually, I need to tell you something," I scooted off of him, resisting the temptation to just give in and curl up next to him and fall asleep. It sounded like a good idea, but only in theory. Logically, I knew that I needed to tell him about what had happened at school. I just didn't want to.

"That's weird, I had a dream that you wanted to tell me something, but you woke me up," he rolled on to his back, appearing to be awake now. "What do you need to tell me?"

I took a really deep breath. Why didn't Sam stay as some sort of body guard or backup?

"You remember how I went to school? To talk to my counselor?" I started off hesitantly. He nodded so I continued, "So, when my counselor called and asked me to come to school I assumed it was very important, and you know, school's kind of safe," okay, so with Victoria playing counselor for the past several weeks it wasn't exactly _safe_, but it was Saturday, it was perfectly logical for me to assume that she was _not_ at the school. "I didn't really think you needed to come with me," I continued on slowly. Jake stretched and took in a deep breath.

"You smell like gasoline," he commented absent-mindedly. "Did you do something stupid at the gas station?"

_Did you do something stupid?_ Now that was a good question.

"No… uhm, you see… when I got school… my counselor wasn't there…" I leaned over and put my head on his chest. His heartbeat was calm, at least to wolf standards, as was his breathing. I knew that if I continued that was all going to change. His chest rose again with another deep breath. He held it. I looked up to see his face scrunched up in curiosity.

Then he growled.

"You smell like vampire," his voice was as dark as oil. "What did you do?" he pronounced each word slowly and through gritted teeth.

I didn't think I would regret what was about to say. I thought wrong though.

**Note: **I beg your forgiveness, although you should be used to this by now. Between NanoWrimo (which I won!), the holidays and family drama that ended in me moving out of my home, this story just kind of got pushed to the wayside like a garbage bag in need of being picked up. I'm really sorry.

There's probably two or three more chapters left… unless Jake kills Bella… I don't know how I'll clean that one up. Except a new update…. sometime in the future. Happy New Year!


	35. Bella: Up in the Air

"_You know that moment when you look in to someone's eyes and you can feel them staring into your soul and the whole world goes quiet just for a second?"_

UP IN THE AIR

_**Cupid's Chokehold; Chapter Thirty-Four. Bella.**_

Sometimes life has a funny way of running away from you, and there's nothing you can do except learn how to run faster, jump higher and go farther just so that you can keep up with it because getting left behind isn't an option. Things get pushed to the wayside, you lose focus on things that you had your eye on since you knew about them, certain things began to matter less and some things began to matter more.

It was July third and it had been a number of weeks since vampires had last been in Forks. The town had turned back in to Mayberry and everyone's selective memory had been turned on full force. Forks High was being repaired and made even better by the massive fundraising efforts of Mrs. Stanely. The memorial for the lost counselor had been held, diplomas had been sent out and a grand graduation ceremony was being planned to make up for the one that was cancelled. Almost everyone I knew was packing up to leave for college.

Even things at the reservation were oddly normal, at least as normal as things could ever become here. The wolf boys that didn't have a "ball and chain", as some of them called it, were still running wild. Emily was raging with hormones from being very pregnant, somehow in the two months since she had 'come out' she had exploded. And when it was two o'clock in the morning and I was sleeping in Jake's arms and I was awoken by the sound of an almost rambling car I knew that it was Sam going to the 7/11 to pick up Funyuns or sour cream or an apple.

After weeks of making fun of Jake and Sam, Embry and Quil both imprinted. On the same day. After failing English Embry had been sent to summer school and had ended up imprinting on the student teacher who was seven years older than him, Embry had pulled out of class but the jokes had still ensued with the boys. I was pretty sure they had gone through every way to match up 'cougar' with 'wolf'. Luckily, Ms. Stone had a thing for younger guys. Later that day some of Emily's family showed up for a visit and Quil imprinted on her niece, which wouldn't have been so bad except that her niece was two. So, maybe things weren't so normal at the res, but…well, maybe this _was_ normal.

In mid-June Dad found a house on Hemlock Lane. It was a quiet cul-de-sac that was surprisingly devoid of kids, so it was the perfect place for him to get old and retire in. Which he had promised he would do in the next five years, but I was sure that he would stretch that out to seven or maybe even ten. The house had one bedroom.

I think that secretly Jake liked playing house. I think he very much wanted me to be a fifties housewife with the poodle skirt, apron and sensible heels. He wanted to come home from school (yes, school!) and see me taking a meatloaf out of the oven. And I was almost certain that in an even more secret place than that wish he had an intense desire to see me pregnant. That wasn't going to happen though. I had been very firm in my ten-year plan of college, marriage (I cursed the word, but I knew that Jake loved the idea of a wedding ring on my finger… and a small part of me might have enjoyed the idea as well), career and family. Jake wasn't, however, opposed to the idea of pre-marital sex, which is how I ended up here.

Naked, in his arms and listening to the rain pound on the roof tiles. I had woken up naturally, perhaps urged by some silent force to take pleasure in the private symphony I was being given. The quiet in-and-out of Jake's deep breath, the rustle of cotton as he moved his feet beneath the blanket, never once letting go of me. The constant tick-tick-tick of the bedside clock. And the cycle of the rain, as it hit the tiles, ran down the roof, in to the gutter and over the edge on to the recently laid cement patio outside the French doors. If I listened closely, the rustle of the leaves and the crash of the waves even blended in to my own little nighttime performance.

I experienced something I had never felt before and it could be summed up simply; I could do this forever. The monotony of the day in and day out of this new life for me would be no hardship. Some people liked to live life by the edge and be spontaneous and never plan a thing, but I found something very comforting in being able to see the next ten, twenty even thirty years of my life as I lay here in bed in the arms of the man that I love.

Everyone I knew was packing up to set off on the adventure of their life, to discover and find out who they were and learn who they were to become, but I had already done that. I had already had my adventure, in fact I think it would be safe to say that I had the Thanksgiving dinner of adventures. My life was not a bar hopping and experimenting with girls in college kind of an adventure. My adventure was unorthodox, but I ended up in the right place anyway.

I traced the wooden ring on the right ring finger. The soft wood had become an almost permanent fixture on my hand since Jake had given it to me. I knew that he meant it to symbolize his love but it also reminded me the day that I closed that chapter of my life and began to move on.

&

"You smell like vampire. What did you do?"

I wasn't sure what I was expecting him to do or how he would respond. I also wasn't sure what I was going to say. In my life I had done a lot of stupid things but this one really took the award home. And now was the time that I was to make my acceptance speech.

"Jake," I said slowly. I thought I had read somewhere that your inflection and tone made all the difference when it came to have a difficult conversation. As long as I didn't flip out, then maybe Jake wouldn't flip out. It was certainly worth a try. "Jake, please understand I didn't purposely get myself in to this. I actually didn't go looking for trouble this time, it just kind of found me. My counselor called me in to a school but Victoria turned up," Jake growled at this but didn't do anything else. I sat down next to him and took hold of his hand, it was actually quivering and cold. "Victoria killed my counselor and then tried to kill me. It was like this game of cat and mouse to her," I took a deep breath, "and then I kind of killed her."

The moment that followed was like those moments in movies where someone says something awkward at a party and it just goes dead silent. Because while I could have heard a pin drop the pin wouldn't dare do such a thing.

"_You_ killed her?" Jake asked for clarification.

I nodded. "With a Molotov cocktail."

"_You_ killed her with a chem lab bomb?"

Once again I could only nod. "No one was there and I guess with the way she came in your guys' vamp radar didn't go off and I knew that fire killed vampires. And we had just watched _Night of the Living Dead _a few nights ago and everything just kind of clicked. Trust me, Jake, if I had had any other option I would have used it but by the time the Cullens arrived there wasn't really anything they could do."

And with that, my moment of being on a pedestal and being safe ended. Jake pushed me out of the way and began pacing back and forth. Even the sight of him in just cut off jersey shorts wasn't distracting enough to stop me from trying to make my way to the door.

"I'm not--" he faltered and crouched down on his heels, rubbing his face up and down with his hands, "I'm fine, Bells. You're fine." He looked up at me from the window between his index and middle finger, "You're fine, right?"

"Uhm, a little shaken and I'll probably be sore in the morning," I sniffed my arm, "And I smell like gasoline and apparently vampire, but otherwise I'm fine."

"Oh God," Jake said under his breath. He stood up and came over to my side in two giant strides. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close to him. "I'm sorry, Bells. I'm sorry I wasn't there. I'm sorry that I let you go to the school alone…"

He continued on with his apologizing, but I didn't really notice because I was noticing something else for the first time. All the tension and stress that had been in my system since I threw the cocktail at Victoria had vanished, just completely peeled off like a coat of cheap nail polish. It was instantaneously exhausting. My legs gave out from under me and my eyelids fell like ten-pound weights were attached to them, Jake caught me though and held me close. He walked me over to the bed and sat down with me.

"You can sleep if you want to…"

But I didn't, not really. I was tired and about to crash like a runaway semi, but I wanted to talk to Jake. I wanted to tell him everything. Most importantly I wanted to tell him that the Cullens were going to want to come over for a little visit, probably during the time that his sisters were there.

I shook my head against his chest, "Jake you don't need to be sorry for anything. I didn't know I was walking in to a trap. You couldn't have known."

"It doesn't matter, you don't understand Bells. I'm responsible for you, if anything had happened to you it would have been my fault."

"I know you don't want to believe this, but I can handle myself," I said with a little more snark than I had intended. Considering the night, Jake let it slide.

"I'm beginning to see that now. Doesn't make me any less sorry."

I sighed, giving up, but poked him in the ribs. He kissed my forehead and then asked, "So, how did you get home?"

"Can I just tell you the whole story? Just to get it off my chest? I think if I don't say it out loud I'm gonna go to sleep and wake up thinking it was a dream." Jake nodded and listened as I told him every detail that I could remember. From the terror I felt that was pumping through my system like it was being pumped through an IV, to the way Victoria smelled as she melted and popped in to inexistence. Jake listened quietly and attentively, making no comment except for his tensing when the Cullens were mentioned.

"So, I'm supposed to ask you if want to meet with them tomorrow? To like renew the treaty or something, I don't know, I'm just the messenger." Jake looked less than pleased, which made sense because he probably wanted to see the Cullens about as much as he wanted to go to school tomorrow and take his finals.

"I guess that would be the right thing to do. I do owe them a thank you," he murmured.

"For what?" I asked.

"For taking care of you. I don't want to think about what could have happened if they hadn't shown up today. I know you think you're invincible but…"

I frowned as he began focusing on the morbid mortality of being human. "Shut up, I'm freaking superwoman right now and you're jealous so just shut up." I smiled and sat on my knees next to him.

"Make me," Jake grinned.

And I did. I shifted so that each leg rested on his sides and I bent down and kissed him firmly. His hands pressed in to the small of my back and pulled me closer. I gripped at his hair, his shoulders, anything I could get my hands on. After a moment he shifted slightly to take a breath and then groaned and pushed me away.

"Ugh, Bells, I love you but you need to take a shower."

**AN: **What can I say? Life's crazy. I'm sorry for not updating. I have the next chapter mostly done and I really should upload the last chapter by next week. I hope to get one more pieces of fanfiction up (one AH Twilight and one Morganville), but who knows? I'm really trying to focus on original pieces and I have a hard time balancing my writing out.

Peace and love.


	36. Bella: Here Comes The Sun

_Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending._

_CARL BARD_

_**Cupid's Chokehold; Chapter Thirty-Five. Bella.**_

"What are you doing up?" Jake twisted as much as he could with me in his arms.

"Just listening to the rain. I guess it woke me up." I turned around to face him and he nuzzled in to my neck, making me want to melt.

"Go back to sleep," he said softly.

I sighed and ran the tips of my fingers up and down his back. If only it were that easy.

"What are you doing?" he asked slowly. I stopped my hands.

"I think I'm gonna get up," I whispered, I made to get up but his arms held tight. "Jake," I complained idly.

He sat up a little bit, still keeping his arms around me in case I tried to make a break for it. "What are you thinking about?"

I rolled my eyes. Was it that obvious? I was open book Bella, after all.

"Everything, I guess. Do you ever just sit back and wonder if it's all a dream?"

He looked down at me meaningfully, "Every day, Bella," he pulled me in closer to him and kissed the top of my head. I didn't have to be a mind reader to understand what he was saying to me. "What are you really thinking about?"

"Everything. The Cullens, Billy, Victoria, high school. Everyone I know just had to deal with choosing the right school… I had to kill a vampire."

"And you did a very good job of it," he commented grimly. Jake didn't like to talk about my foray in slayerhood; I was pretty sure he wasn't the least bit happy I had gone to do that, even though I explained multiple times that I hadn't done it on purpose.

"Thanks."

We sat a little longer, Jake brushed his fingers over my hip almost lulling me to sleep again.

"Why are you thinking about the Cullens?"

"I don't know… I just am. Don't worry Jake, I'm not changing my mind."

_a few weeks earlier…_

"Maybe you and Bella can go outside and talk while we discuss matters," Carlisle suggested.

"You don't think I should be here, Carlisle?" Edward asked. I shifted uncomfortably next to the wall, noticing Sam's hand on Jake's arm, ready to pull him back from doing anything stupid. "I was here for the first treaty…"

"I think we'll be fine on our own, Edward," Carlisle used a firm and fatherly tone, really giving Edward no choice in leaving. "We only have a small amount of time in which we can overstay our welcome. Please use our time wisely."

Edward looked at me awkwardly, reminding me of junior high when a counselor forced another kid to ask me to dance during a slow number. The four minutes that followed were the most awkward of my life.

I followed Edward out the door and down to the rising tide.

"Did you want to talk, Edward?" I didn't remember things being so weird between us when we met on the bleachers. "I mean," I started when he didn't answer, "we can just stand out here… quietly… I guess."

He shuffled a bit, kicking at an incoming wave and ignoring the water that sprayed up at him.

"Are you happy?" he asked suddenly.

It was an odd question. One I hadn't really thought about. I knew that Edward didn't mean the shallow kind of happy that most people associated this question with. I knew that Edward meant much more from that simple question. He meant was I _content_, was I _okay_ with where my life was going.

The entire day had been such a whirl wind that I hadn't really had much time to think about what Victoria being gone—Victoria being dead meant.

"Yeah, Edward. Yeah. I am. It wasn't how I thought my life was going to turn out but I should have taken the hint that my life wasn't meant to be normal when I fell in love with a vampire, right?"

Someone else wouldn't have noticed the flinch, but I did.

"I am happy."

"So you and Jake…"

"We're good together. He loves me and he takes care of me."

Softly, he said, "And he'll give you the life I couldn't."

I wanted to deny that. I wanted to tell him it wasn't true, but that would have been a lie. Jake could give me a life in the sun. He could give me a normal lifespan with children and wrinkles.

"You _know_ that's not why, right Edward?"

"Why what," he wanted me to say it outloud.

"Why I chose him…" I said softly.

"I think so. I think it's easier to think to pretend it has something to do with that though. Makes it hurt less."

"Why does it hurt, Edward?"

He brushed his hand against my cheek and I shivered, I was used to the cold contact anymore.

"Because you don't love me anymore."

I frowned, "That's not true either, Edward. I still love you, in a way. I don't think I'll ever stop. I still care for you. I just can't be with you."

"Because I hurt you."

I nodded, he'd know if I was lying.

"I'm sorry."

"I know you thought you were doing the right thing. I don't really blame you."

We kicked around at the waves for a few more minutes.

"What about you Edward? Are you happy?" I knew him too well for him to lie, even at his happiest he was only a few steps away from writing bad poetry and painting his nails black. Although, Edward's poetry was probably very, very good.

"I'm… I don't know. I'm trying to occupy myself, make myself forget."

"Vampires aren't so easily occupied, huh?" I tried to make a joke to make him smile. And he did.

"Not like I had implied. It's far easier to be occupied but still thinking about something else." I knew that something else was me.

"Do you think you'll ever be happy."

"I don't know. Maybe in a few hundred years," he saw me frown, "keep in mind how short of a time that is for a vampire, Bella. Carlisle's only found happiness in the past hundred years."

"Do you think you'll find happiness?" I asked, then rephrased, "Do you think you'll fall in love again?"

"I want to say no, Bella."

"Well, if you do can you promise me not to make the same mistake again?"

He laughed, though I hadn't intended it to really be that funny, "I'll do my best."

There was more silence and kicking at the waves.

"Carlisle is calling us in," he said quietly. He reached for my hand and hesitantly, I wrapped my fingers in to his and we walked back to the house. He let go of my hand and held the door open for me.

"Well," Carlisle spoke first, "it seems that everything is all settled." He gave a pointed look at Edward and I knew that they were having one of those strange silent conversations. "We should probably be going."

Sam stood up to show them to the door. "We appreciate all your help…"

I walked over to Jake and held his hand, I could see how worried he was. It was a little ridiculous, but I could only imagine how I would be reacting if the tides were turned.

"I'm gonna go say bye to everyone," I whispered to Jake. I tightened my grip on his hand to reassure him that I wasn't going anywhere but I wasn't sure the message was getting across. I tore myself away and went out to where the Cullens (minus Esme and Jasper) were shaking hands with the wolf boys.

Carlisle calmly came over and grasped my hands in his.

"I feel like a father sending his daughter off to college," Carlisle grinned, even though his amber eyes were sad and almost glistening. I could feel my throat tightening up with the symptoms of a good cry about to come on but I pushed them back. I didn't want to ruin this by crying like some human. "I'm so proud of you."

This came as a surprise to me. "Why?" I didn't really think I had done anything to be particularly proud of. I still managed to get myself in trouble and still needed to be saved by mythical creatures. Nothing had really changed.

"I'll admit that even Alice didn't see _this_ coming," he nodded to Sam and Jake who were watching the exchange from the front porch. "In all my years I've been able to pretty firmly guess the results of human actions but you've been such a surprise, you seem to want to keep us guessing—"

I wiped away the tears that were falling from my face and smiled, "Edward always used to say something like that."

Carlisle nodded, "You are a quite complex human. I'll miss having you in my life. It's been lovely to see you grow. You were like a rose blossom when we first met, beautiful but you just needed some sunlight." I smiled and looked back at Jake. He was my sun. "Goodbye, Bella," he leaned down and kissed my cheek before getting in his car and starting it up.

Rose and Emmett came up next. It felt kind of like a receiving line. Emmett wrapped both of his arms around me and picked me up, spinning around in circles. "I'm going to miss you so much!" He set me down and straightened out my hair which had turned into a little rat's nest. "If Jake ever does anything stupid, let me know," he whispered conspiratorially. He looked over at Jake with a somewhat menacing face, "I could so take you!" he yelled.

Rose slapped his shoulder, "Oh my God," she mumbled. "Go sit in the car."

He grinned like a seven year old, "Bye Bella!" When he got in the Jeep music pounded out from beyond the closed windows and Rose rolled her eyes.

I looked up at Rose. Edward and Alice were both leaning on the edge of the last car and neither seemed too worried about what Rose was going to do. I was though. I didn't have the luxury of being able to read her mind or see her future. It was no secret that Rose didn't like me; I was surprised she wasn't thanking me or celebrating. I was surprised she was even here.

"You know why I didn't…. accept you joining the family, right?" Rosalie asked.

I had _no _idea why she didn't "accept" me. I thought that accept was perhaps the wrong word. All I could do was shake my head.

Rose crossed her arms, a movement I knew well. Rose was uncomfortable. Rose was feeling insecure. I relaxed a little bit. This was a side of Rose I didn't even know existed.

"When I was human I wanted the American dream. That phrase wasn't even invented yet, but I wanted the husband and the kids and the beautiful house and the perfect social life." She frowned a little bit and looked out at the ocean. "Certain things got in the way, to say the least. And even though I love my life now and I would never give Emmett up for what I had before," before she become a vampire, "I wouldn't want you to have to go through what I did. I don't know what you want in life, Bella, but I want you to have options. I want you to be able to chose to have that husband," she pursed her lips, "even if he is a dog," she mumbled, "I want you to be able to have kids and stay in one town for your entire life. I don't want you to be stuck."

To say I was stunned would have been an understatement.

"I thought you hated me."

"I'm not a bitch, Bella. I mean, on most days. Carlisle wanted me keeping my opinion to myself. He didn't want me to mess things up, he didn't want me to influence you. You made Edward happy, hell, even now he's better than before he met you," she looked away for a second and then back to me, "I don't hate you, Bella, I'm jealous of you." I thought my jaw dropped, I couldn't tell, I was too numb to notice anything. Rose cleared her throat and put her hands on her hips, the Rosalie that I knew started to shine through again. "Anyway, I'm very happy for you." She wrapped me in a hug and I returned it. "Have a wonderful life, Bella." She walked to the Jeep and got in to the driver's seat. I watched in amusement as she hit Emmett in the shoulder and turned the radio off. I couldn't make out the words but I could hear them yelling at each other as she started up the Jeep and drove off.

Alice was next in line apparently because she bounded up to me and wrapped her arms around me.

"This is so unfair, Bella, I never even saw this coming!" she looked up at me and sniffled, "I can't even see anything right now. It's like I'm broken. Carlisle thinks it has something to do with the wolves. How am I gonna be able to check in on you?"

"You could call," I suggested.

She huffed and stomped her foot, "That's not the same." Even though she was complaining there was a glint of amusement in her eyes. I'd probably have to change the cell phone plan to unlimited minutes or something.

"Yes," I agreed, "definitely not the same as being spied on."

"Hey," she said defensively, "I saved your butt plenty of times!"

"Yes, you did. But, I don't think I need saving anymore, Alice. I think I'm done being danger magnet Bella. Besides, I can totally take out any vampires now. They should be scared of me."

She laughed, "Yeah, Bella, you're terrifying," she seemed unconvinced.

Awkwardly, we stared at each other for a little while before she wrapped me in a hug again. "I'm going to miss you."

I laughed even though I was crying again, "Me too, Alice. Who's going to give me a hard time about my clothes?"

She leaned back and looked up at me. "You know, I've been meaning to say something but I thought I wouldn't since, well, your house burnt down and I figured that you were too busy to go out and buy some new ones. You know… I could send you some stuff. I know your size. And then, oh geeze, there's your wedding. I know that that can't be left up to you. Maybe I could come back…" she was talking more to herself now.

"My wedding?" I asked quietly incase Jake could hear me. "You can see that?"

Her smile was genuine and sweet. "No, Bella. I can't see anything about you. But, I don't need to be a seer to know that you and Jake are staying together for a very long time. He'd die before he gave you up."

And there were tears again.

"Okay. I love you. I'm going to go." She hugged me for the third time, quick and hard before bolting off to the car with Carlisle.

"I love you too, Alice," I smiled at the quick little pixie for a moment before the car pealed out of the driveway and down the dirt road.

There was one last person there. Butterflies flew around in my stomach.

Ever so slowly Edward walked up to me, stopping at least a foot away from me.

"You know I'll always be close by if you ever need anything, right?" Edward asked.

"Yeah, I kind of figured."

"Just let me know…"

"Yeah."

"I'm glad you're happy," he said wholeheartedly.

"Me too. Promise me you'll try to be happy? Soon."

He smiled, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. "I'll do my best."

I had heard people say they didn't know whether to cry or laugh before. This was certainly one of those moments.

"I'm going to hug you," I said awkwardly. I wasn't sure he would be accepting of a hug and I didn't want to surprise him.

Slowly I wrapped my arms around his waist and hugged him close to me. He was stiff, even for a vampire. Slowly though, he relaxed and returned the hug.

"I'll always love you, Isabella," he whispered into my ear.

"Everything's okay, right?" Jake asked. He pulled me back to him in bed and I turned away from the dark and rainy night that would soon turn to the brilliant blue it always was after a good storm.

I smiled at Jake and kissed the bottom of his chin. "Of course everything is okay. Will you stop worrying? You're going to give yourself an ulcer."

_Little darling, it's been a long cold lonely winter _

_Little darling, it feels like years since it's been here _

_Here comes the sun, here comes the sun _

_and I say it's all right _

_Little darling, the smiles returning to the faces _

_Little darling, it seems like years since it's been here _

_Here comes the sun, here comes the sun _

_and I say it's all right_

_HERE COMES THE SUN, THE BEATLES_

**AN: **2 weeks, 2 months… you know I don't know the difference. This has been such a long road! I started this story my first semester of college, I'm going in to my seventh. I've enjoyed it, but I'm glad to see it finished. I'm working on a Morganville Vampire piece right now and then after that I might come back to Twilight. I'm not sure. I'm trying to focus more on my original writing, which is a lot more time consuming that fanfiction. We shall see. Thank you for coming along on the ride, I've enjoyed your reviews.

Peace, love, and happy reads,

Samantha

PS. Before you ask, no there will not be an epilogue or sequel.


End file.
